I hate being a good man

Discussion in 'Off-topic Discussion' started by Onehope, Mar 30, 2018.

  1. You do know that most mortal men fail more times than they succeed? Each failure is a learning experience, you can't fail if you don't keep trying and...bleep...[VARIABLE life_lesson_#397 NOT FOUND] etc.

    You're not going to change any of the players that you're complaining about. So what are you going to do about it?
     
  2. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    And you like women who have standards like this... why?

    You said that good men are unappealing to women, but it seems like good women are unappealing to you.

    Correct me if I'm wrong, but this is only about one person you're attached to isn't it? Probably the same one that you keep posting about since a few months ago. So no, that's not good enough evidence to say that all women want bad men.

    Yes, you've learned to act in a way that you think others would like you for, but that doesn't necessarily mean you're kind / nice / good. You act that way mostly to make yourself seem better than the guys this girl is seeing for the purpose of getting her to want you.
     
  3. Castielle

    Castielle Fapstronaut

    I'll just leave these here.









     
  4. Dude, I was JUST about to post something similar to this. I'm really wondering if being a nice guy is even worth it. Right now I'm talking to a girl, and it's a little complicated, so we're just friends, but we did get physical and even slept together. We just didn't have sex. We could've, but we were both drunk and we wanted to sober up before anything happened. It was actually my idea to be friends, but she just seems so into me, for real. She came onto me, heavily. Not the other way around. Even when she sobered up she was still extremely interested in me.

    I'm just so fucked up because I'm really wondering if all women are just after guys who treat them like shit and are assholes. The thing is I can definitely be an asshole, but I just don't wanna be. I actually care about people and I'm getting fucking tired of it. I don't get anything from it honestly. I know that if you're after sex, being a nice guy is definitely not the way to go. It's like with the girl I'm talking to now. I'm not after sex, even though I know I could definitely get it.

    I actually fucking care for the girl, but I still don't really trust her. I just don't know what she's after exactly. We're both going through some shit right now and we can definitely relate, but it's like when she tells me her shit I actually care and listen, but I just opened up about my problems and I haven't gotten shit from her in about an hour. Before that she was texting me every 2 or 3 minutes. Fuck, that pisses me off. I know, I know. Girls don't like that shit, but goddamn. Does anybody actually care anymore? It's really fucking with me.

    I really want to be a caring person who actually listens to people and tries to care about them, especially with girls, but they just don't fucking care back it seems, and I'm about done. I'm so close to just saying fuck it and become an asshole who doesn't give a fuck. I know that's the easier way of getting laid, but I actually want more than just casual sex. I actually want an honest to god relationship with a girl that loves me for who I am, but I wonder if that shit even exists. It's really making me lose faith in everything I believe.

    Anyway, I can totally relate to you my man. Nothing will hurt you like a goddamn woman. I wonder myself if there is such thing as a true relationship, or if girls really just want a guy who treats them like shit? It's pretty bad when there are guys out there like us who actually want a real relationship, but it's easier to just get laid. What the fuck man? What the fuck? I'm gonna check out that No More Mr Nice Guy. Maybe that will give me the fucking answers. Good luck dude.
     
  5. Castielle

    Castielle Fapstronaut

    If you are saying this, you aren't a "nice guy." If you're questioning whether or not being a good person is "worth it" because it isn't getting you girls or sex, then you aren't really that great of a person. Sorry to break it to you, but good people don't do good things to get something in return, and they don't start questioning whether being good is "worth it" when they aren't getting rewarded for it constantly.
     
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  6. Castielle

    Castielle Fapstronaut

    That is just plain and simply, utterly, completely NOT TRUE. Threads like this are the epitome of confirmation bias. You only see what you want to see.

    Basically every woman I know -- and that's a lot of women -- who is in a relationship has a very kind, sweet, loving, and supportive husband or boyfriend. They have good relationships, the men are good men, and they value good, important things in their partners.

    But you don't see any of that. You are looking for assholes getting the girls, so all you see is assholes getting the girls. You're just completely blinding yourself to reality. I'm not saying no girls go for assholes. Sure, some of them do. Just like some men go for dumb bimbos who ooze sexuality and have not much more to offer than their bodies. But to claim that most or all women go for guys like that and nobody values good men anymore is just dumb and not true. I'm sure you will disagree, because you have blinded yourself to reality when it comes to this situation. But it's just false. Idk what else to say. Women do like good men, and plenty women out there are in good relationships with those good men. That's reality, whether you choose to see it or not.
     
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  7. I never said I was being nice to get something in return. I've never expected to get anything for being nice. You're putting words in my mouth. I'm saying that from being a nice guy I haven't really ever gotten anything except shitted on. I figured at least one person would actually try to give a fuck, but they don't. That, is what I'm saying.
    I literally said right here that I'm looking for a real relationship, not sex, yet you accuse me of "playing nice" in order to get laid. That's what most guys want, but not me.
     
  8. Little Bo Peep

    Little Bo Peep Fapstronaut

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    Yawn, this old rubbish trope again? Yeah we love assholes and being in shit relationships, don't forget we just want to fuck right?

    Have you guys tried evaluating your life and asking why you get treated so? There's usually a reason why something happens and this is no exception, if you're getting treated like shit, ignored, or some other thing like you guys claim, take a step back and really try to understand why. Because I can assure you this isn't a thing that all women do...
     
    Last edited: Apr 1, 2018
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  9. Out of the Furnace

    Out of the Furnace Fapstronaut

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    @Onehope
    You should read the book "no more mister nice guy" by robert a. glover. It describes how we have gotten to this point of being such nice guys and how to change it so we can be guys who look after our own needs.

    You can´t make a woman determine on how you feel. If you aren´t fullfilled then you should be trying to reach that by yourself. Do something you really like, get a new hobby. You need to make yourself happy.

    From the moment on we are seeking approval from a woman, we will make ourselves enslaved to them. Try to do what you like and get happy by doing it.

    People here say you aren´t such a nice guy afterall. Maybe they are right! If you don´t get what you want you get angry, you write a wall of text on how women are all seeking bad guys.

    If you think someone have to give you anything back because you treat them in a very good way and you always give them everything you have, then you have thought wrong. We all need to depend on ourselves and not seek for approval or gifts from others.

    This information is mostly taken from the book i strongly recommend to read it. It also tells us how it comes that we are such nice guys (or rather not so nice at times because we are control freaks).

    I don´t want to offend you with anything I said, I´m just trying to help you with your problem. The very things I wrote are also plaguing my soul and I wish to get away from this mindset.

    Cheers
     
  10. Here is where you say you never expected to get anything for being nice.

    Here is where you say you expected at least one person would notice your niceness and give a fuck about it, probably the woman you like.

    So here we have you saying you don’t expect anything while expecting something.
     
  11. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    I'm a good guy. I'm so nice and I'm tired of being good to women. I can be an asshole and get sex from all women, but I'm way too good of a person to do that. I care too much. I'm sacrificing all these opportunities with women by not being an asshole. That's how good of a person I am.

    Me me me me me... why not me? Those other guys aren't as good as me. They get all the women, but they're bad. So all women are bad too. None of them want a good guy like me. Maybe some good guys get women, but they're probably not as good of a person as me.

    Why is it so difficult and unfair to be a good person? Can anyone please tell me why a good guy like me has to suffer so much? Can anyone validate my beliefs that were born from a few negative experiences? Me me me me. Look at me.

    I don't want anything in return for being a good guy, but I really want something in return even though I don't expect it, but I still expect it, but I keep that a secret because that's what good guys do.

    Turns out I'm the only good guy in the world and if I'm not getting women, then no good guys in the world are getting women.

    Help me everyone. Me me me me me me...................................................................................................
     
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  12. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    Yeah man. I'm not like most guys either. I'm a good guy. We're definitely better than other guys.
     
  13. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    This is a result of past negative experiences. Out of self protection from any other possible pain that might come along in the future.

    It's being delusional and bitter towards reality.

    It's idealizing women that they're interested in and when they don't meet that ideal, they get angry at them.

    It's being emotionally vulnerable and sensitive.

    It's an extreme need to be viewed as important and unique.
    (Being a good guy and women don't like good guys).

    The world should work like this, not like that. It should be more fair to ME ME ME ME.

    It's creating a secret contract where if I act a certain way (being a good guy) then this woman should love me for it. When that contract isn't met, that's when the bitterness comes. It's not being good. It's some kind of emotionally sensitive manipulation.
     
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  14. Onehope

    Onehope Fapstronaut


    My best friend is generally a good person, but hes a drunk, an asshole and has cheated many times.

    He is married and has a baby girl.

    I never would dare to say all women are drawn to "Bad boys" but the reason this is a commonly well known trend we can be sure that most women, when they are inmature, are drawn to the worst kind of men.

    Teenage girls do this and some adult women too who haven't moved passed the point of putting looks and attraction over whats inside, they would rather date a good looking asshole than an average looking good guy.

    It sounds like bullshit but this is the truth.

    And I know that maybe my taste in women is bad, but most women I meet come off as mature and responsible, only to later on reveal they have a crush for an asshole.

    I just end up as the friend who picks up all the pieces only to see them land on another asshole.
     
  15. Castielle

    Castielle Fapstronaut

    Exactly. I can't stand how many people, men and women, act like this, and then when you point it out they say they aren't expecting anything in return... Because they legitimately don't see that that's not true. This entire thread is about not getting all the things they expected in return, and they can't see that. They still claim they don't expect anything, while whining about not getting all the things they expected. Genuinely nice people don't think about that stuff that much. And that's why they DO get nice things in return, because people can tell that they're genuinely nice people, and people like nice people.
     
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  16. lauraS

    lauraS Fapstronaut

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    i consider myself a very sweet, plain,catholic girl. and the guys in my ministry are kind and considerate. none of them try to be bad boys and we always have great church meetings. i always read opposites attract but i dont believe that to be true, if you are kind and considerate a girl just the same will find that attractive. just be yourselves.

    laura x
     
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  17. Castielle

    Castielle Fapstronaut

    So... You're just tossing in the "when they're immature" bit like it's not that relevant? Why are you going after immature girls, then? That's you're problem. It was the very first question asked in this thread: are you looking in the right places.

    Yeah... girls like that are dumb sometimes. So why post an entire thread about how girls don't like good guys, when in reality you're only talking about a very specific minority of girls?

    Well, you don't need to be a doormat, that's for sure. People talk about friendzoning, but it's important not to "relationship zone" a girl either. If all you want her for is a relationship, make that clear, and if she doesn't want it, move on.

    See, this is what I hate about this whole argument, and you still don't seem to see how this doesn't make you a very nice person.

    A nice person, in that situation, after being friends with a girl and being nice to her for a while just to find out she's into someone else, would say "aw, man, she's not into me? Well that sucks. Oh well, at least we can still be friends." And they would continue to do nice things for her, because the nice things they did were just because they're a nice person, not because they wanted something in return.

    If you find yourself thinking "dang, she's not into me? Then why did I do all of that nice stuff for her? What a waste of time!" That means that you were doing all of that nice stuff to get something in return. If you weren't, you wouldn't feel that way.

    And here's another thing: YOU are the one who chooses to pursue friendships with women or do nice things for them. That's your choice. She didn't force you to do stuff for her, and she certainly never promised you that if you do stuff for her, she'll be your girlfriend. So if you choose to do something nice for someone simply because you care about them and want to make them happy, that's nice. But if you're doing them to get closer to them so that maybe they'll like you, and once you find out they don't like you you feel like it's a waste of time, so much so that you feel the need to go online and complain about how you never get the things you're expecting from "being nice" so you wonder what the point of being nice is at all, that doesn't make you a genuinely "nice guy."

    You probably won't agree with that or see what I'm saying, but hopefully you do. Because I'm really tired of conversations like this. It's incredibly annoying to have people think they're a super nice guy and then complain about how they might as well not be nice if they're not going to get anything for it. Those statements are completely contradictory.

    If you want more, watch this video.

     
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  18. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    So unfair...

    Your friend shouldn't deserve a wife and a baby. Only good guys like us do.

    You're right. Nobody cares about what's on the inside. If only women could see what's on the inside......................

    We good guys have to keep fighting the good fight and pick up the pieces after the bad guys... because that's what good guys do.... talk shit about women when they don't give us what we want, but continue to support them in the hopes that they'll change their minds.

    One day.... one day women will see what's on the inside.....

    --------------

    Lol..... I can't do this anymore. It's pissing me off.
     
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  19. Castielle

    Castielle Fapstronaut

    You keep saying you're not being nice just to get stuff in return, but this entire thread is literally asking the question "is it worth being nice if I don't get stuff in return?"
     
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  20. lauraS

    lauraS Fapstronaut

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    i just wanted to add, ive been on many dates, i get asked out a lot and normally i can tell when a guy is pretending to be somebody they are not. it is so off putting to me, to think they can try and fool me. ive been with some great guys and i thought, jeez if you just stopped with the act and was yourself instead of trying to impress me, id probably give you another chance. its so discouraging.
     

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