I hate being a good man

Discussion in 'Off-topic Discussion' started by Onehope, Mar 30, 2018.

  1. Not sure if its already been said, but stop comparing yourself to the assholes. Don't whine that you are a better man, be a better man and get confident and comfortable with being you.

    Most men and women are attracted to self-confidence of others because we all have insecurities and want to feel like we can rely on another ans thus lean towards others who appear confident in themselves and dont necessarily need someone else. Unfortunately a lot of these assholes because of their arrogance and egotism make the people they date even less confident in themselves and thus momore dependent on them.

    You sound like you have some insecurities, we all do, stop trying for these girls who need to grow up a little bit themselves.
    Now trying to teach someone self confidence is difficult, I struggled for years to bring my own ego up. However a great tip I received while being single and lonely is envision yourself single the rest of your life. If you never find that one what would you do instead to feel furfilled. Stop relying on a special someone to get you there, work to get yourself there. It may seem pessimistic, but was a great help.
    Another book suggestion is ''The Charisma Myth" has been amazingly helpful for me in work and relationships.
     
  2. Castielle

    Castielle Fapstronaut

    Totally.

    I used to have a friend who was pretty crazy about me. I would called him a "nice guy" but not exactly a nice guy.

    He was always doing really nice things for me, sure. But he was also constantly acting bitter about me not being interested in him romantically, constantly putting down my boyfriend in front of me to make him seem like a dick (which he wasn't), and all of the nice things he chose ro do for me were sooooo clearly seeped with agenda. They were expectant. He wasn't doing them simply because he's a nice person, he was doing them to "win me over," and that was incredibly obvious. And particularly annoying after making it clear multiple times that I wasn't interested, and being in a long-term relationship with another person.

    Point is, women have pretty good intuition a lot of the time. They can smell "nice guy" on you from a mile a way.

    So yes, I suppose you're right. Women don't like "r/nice guys." But they do like nice guys.
     
  3. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    It's acting in a way they think other people will like them for. Because they're insecure about their real selves.

    They don't want to put themselves out there because they don't think the real them could get the specific outcome they want.

    Basically they just can't handle the fact that some people are just not interested in them.

    Fear of rejection. Fear of rejection from a specific person that they really want.

    Manipulation.
     
    Little Bo Peep likes this.
  4. Castielle

    Castielle Fapstronaut

    That's good advice. If a girl isn't into you, and she really is choosing to be with an asshole, then if it were me, I would be like "wow, I guess I dodged a bullet there, because she clearly isn't the one for me."
     
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  5. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    The problem is.... those people genuinely think that they're being nice. They can't see the deception / jealousy / possessiveness / bitterness / dellusion.
     
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  6. Castielle

    Castielle Fapstronaut

    That's very true, and I suppose I should be more kind. Insecurity is difficult to handle. That was definitely the problem with the guy I describe from my past. He acted very "holier than thou," kind of like this thread is coming across, but he was obviously very insecure. A lot of my friends didn't like him because they thought he was arrogant, but I was always telling them, "no, he's just incredibly insecure." Which is sad, and deserves some kindness. But when it comes out in threads like this, blaming women for the problem, that's when it gets difficult to be kind.
     
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  7. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    It's such a problem in this forum.

    "How can I get this girl without expressing myself honestly or showing my true intentions, but still get a guaranteed outcome that this complete individual will be interested in me?"

    "Reality should be this way, not how it really is".

    "Women should be this way and not that way".

    "All women are __________ which was proven by my negative experiences".

    So no, I don't believe in being kind to people like this. They need a smack in the head. They're doing harm to themselves and harm to others.
     
  8. Castielle

    Castielle Fapstronaut

    Exactly.

    Thankfully though, he's happily married now to a beautiful woman. So all you "nice guys" out there, don't lose hope. Just be yourself and stop trying so hard and expecting that acting a certain way will get you a certain result. There is no formula for "making" a girl fall for you. She has her own head and her own heart and her own desires, and if she's not into you, she's just not into you. Find someone who is, and you will be happy, like my friend.

    My friend wanted to be with me more than anything, and I can assure you, he would NOT have been happy with me. Because I didn't like him. I couldn't really understand why he would continue to pursue me when I so clearly thought he was annoying and didn't want to be with him. Why would he want to be with someone who didn't like the unique qualities that made him who he is? Eventually he got a clue though, and found someone who does love those things. So I would advise y'all do the same.
     
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  9. Citadelle

    Citadelle Fapstronaut

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    Definetely Im not woman :) Believe lots of shy and introvert woman have feeling s often that if I was bitch ..etc..I still believe that we can be just the best version of us, noone else and if you are giving someone some vision about you, not you, soon or later its have to be not good.
    Genneraly maybe its also about age..I know lot of woman which in some points get tired of bad guys and they really wish to meet someone good.
     
  10. lauraS

    lauraS Fapstronaut

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    i wont lie in that although i get a lot of male attention sometimes i wish i was a guy sometimes, you get to craft your personalities and get to ask out girls as you wish, without society judging you. all you need is confidence. it is so discouraging for us girls because we have to sit and wait for the right guy to approach us. i wish i was more forward but im naturally shy. but you shouldnt complain as much and think how lucky you are to be a guy. laura x
     
  11. Castielle

    Castielle Fapstronaut

    Eh, I disagree with that. I think it would suck to be a guy. In 2018, women have the option to approach if they want to, or to sit back and wait if they're too shy. Men don't really have a choice if they're shy, which sucks.

    I've pretty much been the initiator of almost every relationship I've ever been in, because they were taking too long or too nervous to express their feelings, and I knew I had more confidence then they did, so I took the first step to make them more comfortable.

    But anyway, this is a bit off topic, but I just wanted to say I disagree that guys have it easier in that department. I think it would be harder, in some ways, to be a guy in dating.
     
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  12. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    Sometimes we get so set on it happening a specific way that we narrow our vision and miss a world of opportunity going on around us.

    A lot of people aren't willing to wait longer for the right door. They rather force their way through a doorway that wasn't built for them.

    They feel like their world will end if this one person or thing didn't happen.

    It's not really fair if some random girl possessed me just because she had FEELINGS for me or that she's a good person is it?

    I point that question to the so called nice guys here. Would it be fair if some good person, maybe a gay guy or even just a good girl you're not interested in, EXPECTED you to be with them just because they're good people or they have feelings for you?

    Of course you'll say, no that's not fair..... So why is it fair for you and not when the script is flipped around?
     
  13. lauraS

    lauraS Fapstronaut

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    i wish i was more confident, but im so shy. i guess not everyone is the same, im sorry to generalise. also, im not completely blaming guys, if im being honest; i have a confidence issue with girls. hopefully this something i can fix with nofap. laura x
     
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  14. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    Hey Laura.

    You can get more help with this if you start a new thread on the forum and share more of what you're experiencing.

    Now that you've seen what a good and helpful guy I am, can you marry me?

    Lol, but seriously, start a new thread and we'll gladly help you with your shyness.
     
  15. Still i will never like to be a street biker or a thug just to please girls who don't have any emotions. I saw a thread here where the guy posted a conversation between him and his Gf. She told that "i am in love with another boy and i don't care if he likes me or not. Plz don't try to contact me ever" that guy was totally shocked. The same story is of me. I used to have a crush on a so called "beauitiful girl". She was probably the most beautiful girl in my high school. Many boys used to have crush on her. Some rich biker boys with some sidekicks used to roam around our school. That girl and her foolish friends use to look and smile at him and poor me used to leave from there with my old cycle. It didn't matter how studious i was, all that mattered was i don't have a bike and i am not a rich tatto filled son of a bitch and i don't have some sidekicks who follow me. After that, porn used to give me all those fake pleasures that i wanted as i knew that real love is very rare and for those 1 out of 100 lucky ones. I never even had a crush on any girl after that, i don't care about them anymore.
     
  16. lauraS

    lauraS Fapstronaut

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    lol thanks, but my issues with girls is something im struggling with - moreso than with guys, im quiet relaxed around men for some reason.
     
  17. Citadelle

    Citadelle Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for your story, my question is if you are think that with this kind of girl you can really have a love . Coz lot of them are similar fake like porn. Dont you think that you can a girl what wants the same as you, even if she will be not so beautifull?
     
    Castielle likes this.
  18. Defination of beauty might be different for everyone. I was wrong that i assumed physical attraction is real beauty. That girl was externally beautiful but internally, she was just another girl who likes the things that most of the girls in the modern world needs and i don't have the capacity to stand by the needs of a modern girl. If you are asking that will i love a girl who is same as me whether she is beautiful or not, then i think these type of girls don't exist. Majority of the boys may agree with me on this.
     
    Citadelle likes this.
  19. Castielle

    Castielle Fapstronaut

    Best of luck to you! <3
     
  20. Castielle

    Castielle Fapstronaut

    We are two peas in a pod, my friend
     
    Little Bo Peep likes this.

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