I hate being a good man

Discussion in 'Off-topic Discussion' started by Onehope, Mar 30, 2018.

  1. Start lifting. I have found that when I started exercising daily my confidence started going up drastically. I started flirting in a way where words that might have caused a damn existential crisis for me just flow effortlessly, and without regret. I can literally walk up to a woman now, shake her hand, look her in the eyes and tell her "you are gorgeous," then just smirk and walk away. 1 year ago, that scenario would have literally made me sick with fright. I also stopped thinking about what others think of me, and stopped judging myself. Being direct and confident attracts women, not being a bad boy. The women attracted to these men are attracted to their confidence.

    I used to ride a sport bike. I risked my life every day, and rode confidently. I had skill, mastery, and confidence in that sport. Women would walk up to me and start flirting. Why? I was fat, generally unattractive, but had the confidence to ride at high speeds on a bright blue phallus of a motorcycle. They would swoon for literally no reason, and I would just swagger the best that I could.

    Get your confidence man. That or buy a YZF R1
     
  2. Castielle

    Castielle Fapstronaut

    Seems like she has some issues, yes. But it's always good to refrain from generalizing one person's issues to an entire gender of other people who have nothing to do with that one person.
     
    Last edited: Apr 1, 2018
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  3. Castielle

    Castielle Fapstronaut

    I think you're right to stop blaming yourself for things, but I think it's also not entirely accurate to assume girls just don't like nice guys or they only go for assholes. There are tonssss of men in the world, and a lot of them are really good men, so if she is going for another man, he very well could be just as good of a guy as you. You really don't know, and she probably knows her man better and more deeply than you know him. There are also plenty of men that I've admired greatly and still felt would not be a good romantic match for me.

    So yes, you shouldn't blame yourself or try to change yourself when someone rejects you. But you also shouldn't blame them and judge them for it. You should just learn to accept the fact that romantic relationships are complex, and there are plenty of reasons why two nice, kind, good, attractive people might not be a match. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you, but it also doesn't mean there's anything wrong with her either.
     
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  4. You can definitely work on and improve your confidence. Confidence is a huge attraction in a women (in my opinion). I used to be a extremely shy boy even through high school, during college and work I've learn to put myself out there and work as a national sales manager able to interface with CEOs down to the maintenance guys at companies and get into companies where we have no connections.

    One of my favorite books as I mentioned above is 'The Charisma Myth' it goes through confidence, how to be charimatic, and making yourself noticed.
    Set a goal to improve your confidence and maybe some challenges to try out (like eating alone at a nice restaurant and enjoying the experience or go to a concert alone or just smiling at everyone on the street).
     
  5. Where do you live? Because where I'm from, most girls are with guys that treat them like shit. Every guy that I know of that treats a girl nice ends up getting hurt and cheated on.
    I really hope you're right. It's just that in my experience, I've seen so many girls get treated like shit and they keep putting up with it instead of finding a guy who will treat them good. That's just my experience though. That's why I said what I said. It doesn't help that most people I hang out with are fucked up. Maybe I need a new social circle.
     
  6. I've been reading the No More Mr Nice Guy book, and holy shit. I have the nice guy syndrome. Turns out, I'm not as nice as I thought. I've always sought out validation from others' opinions, and I didn't even realize it. I've even manipulated people without even realizing it. Turns out the only reason I come off as so nice is because I try to avoid conflict like the plague and treat others as nicely as possible so that I can get validation from them. It's fucking insane. That book is a godsend. It's a real eye opener. It's all about being comfortable with yourself and being confident and not seeking approval from others. I can already tell a difference, and it's incredibly freeing. I'm gonna keep reading it. I highly recommend it to anyone out there who is "nice" like I thought I was. You may be surprised at what you find.
     
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  7. Little Bo Peep

    Little Bo Peep Fapstronaut

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    You need a new social circle mate, because that's a steryotype where we're the bitchy cunts that want men to fuck us up or crap like that. I've seen nice men and women as well as super pricks I want to punch, and mainly I've had bad experiences with men more times than women but I don't generalise you guys as all being assholes that end up abusing women physically and mentally.

    While growing up I became misanthropic because even right up to this day I've been stepped on, treated like dirt, and constantly mistreated, and so my perspective of the world really changed. While I don't like humanity itself, I still don't think everybody is a jerk and try to give everybody at least a chance.

    I live in the UK, but I don't think it's the place that matters so much as the group you're with. Of course you'll see stuff like that if you're always with those kinds of people.
     
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  8. lauraS

    lauraS Fapstronaut

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    im not great with relationship advice but this is what i think. this girl is the same girl who dated her married university professor and didn't have an issue with it? the same girl who you told you had a crush on her years ago. this girl is not a generally good person, nor do love her --- you are infatuated with her.

    youre complaining about an impossible situation that will never change. put into practice the advice given here. there are nice girls out there. i dont believe u are 100% telling the truth about what you say and do.

    laura x
     
  9. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    The good guys are still not catching a break in here I see............ lol.

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    I love being a good man.

    The effect I have on others matters to me. There's enough bullshit and negativity in this world as it is without continuing the cycle just because someone else gave me a bad experience.

    Expressing myself honestly rather than trying to act like someone I'm not for the purpose of validation allows me to attract awesome people into my life and move on from the not so awesome ones.

    Being positive to yourself and others is a lot more fun, playful, and carefree.

    I don't invest time or energy into people that are a negative influence in my life.

    Yeah, I had some bad experiences with people, but I've also met great people. I'm not going to dump my past emotional issues and baggage on them. That's a stupid thing to do. Continuing the cycle of bullshit just because somebody else did it to you. "He/she started it"... really immature and weak.

    You can't be a good person if you hold on to bitterness.

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    Now that you all know that I'm a good man.............................................. where's all the love from the women I was secretly and deceptively expecting? Lol.

    People and life itself doesn't owe anybody anything. Other people are not yours to own or control. You meet them halfway by following your desires and making your intentions known. The rest is their choice. Give them the respect and freedom of choice just as you want for yourself. If it's a no, then you move on and don't take it personally. Be a mature adult rather than an immature child sulking in the corner about the unfairness of life.
     
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  10. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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  11. Castielle

    Castielle Fapstronaut

    I can't imagine that's true. I think this is confirmation bias, and you're only seeing what you want to see. I live in California.

    Ah, bingo. There's your problem. The rest of the world isn't like that.

    That's awesome! Sounds like a great book. That's basically what I've been trying to show people for years. I'm glad you're learning from it and growing in confidence and self worth.
     
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  12. lauraS

    lauraS Fapstronaut

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    yeah i browsed his history to see if his definition of 'this is a generally good girl' checked out. obviously not, a girl who is willing to be a homewrecker? embark on a student teacher affair/ is not a good girl to me; she also must be at least a decade younger than him if shes in uni, so im guessing he goes for younger girls, which isnt necessarily a bad thing, but shows a lack of emotional maturity. i wonder if he is gonna take something from this though?
     
    Last edited: Apr 1, 2018
  13. Onehope

    Onehope Fapstronaut

    This is one of those threads I use to vent but it backfires, so I even regret using this space to complain about my problem, especially when a past thread is being pulled here to further prove how pathetic I am.

    Yes its time to shut up and deal with this on my own.
     
  14. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    Lol. Come on. Don't be like that.

    We're giving you a hard time so you can face the error of your ways.

    Without this thread and the people involved giving their opinion on the matter, you would still have negative beliefs about women. Maybe you still have them, but at least now you have some opposing views to ponder about.

    There's so much better women out there and you can't be open to those opportunities if you're dwelling on the same girl who is a big negative influence in your life and you're harboring bitterness.
     
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  15. Onehope

    Onehope Fapstronaut

    I don't mind criticism, but bringing up a past thread was a dick move.

    I was feeling down today and I didn't come here to feel worse.
     
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  16. Toomuchh

    Toomuchh Fapstronaut

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    What did you expect people to say. Some people here agreed with you like vinum sabbathi. He later changed his stance because of things he looked into after reading this.

    Just because people don't agree with you doesn't means you should close yourself off.

    Stop having a fucking pity party, you're a grown ass man.

    If you want to complain about things and not fix them go right ahead. Some of the people here gave you some solid advice and insight. They're trying to help you even if you feel like they're attacking your person.

    People are telling you that the world isn't as bleak as you make it seem to be. There are opportunities for you, but you're sabotaging yourself.

    The mindset you have is toxic and does no one any favors, especially to yourself. But you have the power to change that.
     
  17. We're trying to help you brother. I dealt with this shit for 30 years unsuccessfully. If being harsh hurts its because doing shit wrong for 30 hurts. I'm literally trying to rewrite my programming for the last half a decade. I don't wish the same on you
     
  18. I'm learning so much. It's insane what your upbringing and paradigms can do to you. I really need to look at my behaviors and habits and realize where they stem from and how I can fix them. I've always been hard on myself, so it makes sense that I seek validation from others. I've actually tried to be more confident with myself and it feels so amazing. It's time to start actually loving myself. I'm starting to believe that true happiness comes from personal successes and loving yourself, which I never have. It will take time, but I'll get there.
     
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  19. Castielle

    Castielle Fapstronaut

    I'm glad to hear it :)
     
  20. I didn't mean to offend you or anything. I'm not trying to say all women are like that. It's just from my own experiences most girls have been like that, but like you said, it's probably my social circle. I would love to find new people, but I just don't know where to go.

    It's insane how most people I know are drug addicts, thieves and just all around shitty people. I need to get out and meet some honest to god good people. Not all people are like that.
     
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