I hate my ex’s boyfriend

Hellomynameisrob

Hellomynameisrob

Fapstronaut
My ex and I live together. She has this boyfriend who she dated and then broke up with and now they’re on track to start dating again, they’re not official yet but soon to be probably.

they got together almost a week after we broke up and he started coming around. He’s nice enough, he seems like a decent guy. We don’t talk much cause I find him kind of boring but he’s not terrible for her. But, everytime i see his goddamn face I find it hard not to get pissed off. I just loathe his existence for some reason. I don’t know why, but it might just be the fact that he got with my ex pretty much immediately after we broke up. It was a mutual breakup and I was instantly happier without her. But, for some reason only with this guy am I weirdly possessive. I got pissed tonight cause I stayed up to say goodnight after she got off work cause I haven’t seen her in a couple days and she asks me to come open the door for her. And there he is standing right behind her. I was so pissed I didn’t even say anything to her when I saw her. Im having so much trouble dealing with my emotions about this that I almost watched porn because I was so pissed and didn’t know what to do with this energy. So I came here to write my feelings and cool down instead. I’m glad I did, I feel a lot better.
 
She is using both of you BTW. But what I do not understand is why are you still living together, it just doesn't work.

The oldest trick in the book for a woman is to make her intended target jealous by flirting and giving herself to another man, so that she can increase her value and attraction by appearing to be wanted. Make no mistake, when she called you to open the door for her she knew exactly what she was doing and the effect it will get and I presume she was thrilled to see a surprised or off balanced facial expression from you. If you do the dreaded mistake of continuing to live with her, expect things only to get worse in terms of trying to get you to feel jealous.

You will be far better off without her, either you or her need to change living quarters, if it can happen immediately all the better.
She kept her connection with that ex boyfriend so that she can use him in situations like this, that's why women stay "friends" with their ex-boyfriends, they like to keep all of their options open. Men and women think very differently.

The old fashioned way of getting married early on and staying married for life, was so much better than the hook-up culture we have now, men used to be able to focus on their lives, families and improving their societies. Now, this relationships sphere is unconducive to good living and the worst part is that the younger generations don't even know what they are missing.
 
AbTheAb said:
She is using both of you BTW. But what I do not understand is why are you still living together, it just doesn't work.

The oldest trick in the book for a woman is to make her intended target jealous by flirting and giving herself to another man, so that she can increase her value and attraction by appearing to be wanted. Make no mistake, when she called you to open the door for her she knew exactly what she was doing and the effect it will get and I presume she was thrilled to see a surprised or off balanced facial expression from you. If you do the dreaded mistake of continuing to live with her, expect things only to get worse in terms of trying to get you to feel jealous.

You will be far better off without her, either you or her need to change living quarters, if it can happen immediately all the better.
She kept her connection with that ex boyfriend so that she can use him in situations like this, that's why women stay "friends" with their ex-boyfriends, they like to keep all of their options open. Men and women think very differently.

The old fashioned way of getting married early on and staying married for life, was so much better than the hook-up culture we have now, men used to be able to focus on their lives, families and improving their societies. Now, this relationships sphere is unconducive to good living and the worst part is that the younger generations don't even know what they are missing.
Click to expand...
Nah man, i don’t care about that. I’m not a traditionalist and I think I’m happier for it. I wouldn’t be where I’m at in my life if it weren’t for her. We’re close friends now, I’m happy with that. Also both of us would have been miserable in a marriage to one another, we dated for two years and lived together for 1, it sucked and we hated it. There was no saving that relationship, sometimes you just can’t help feelings if resentment, she did a lot of fucked up things and I did a lot of fucked up things too. Relationships ending is rarely a single person’s fault in any relationship.

It’s just this guy man, for some reason he rubs me the wrong way. But please don’t make assumptions about people you don’t know. Her intention is to be romantically content, not to make me jealous. Women’s lives are not centered around men, likewise her intention in dating someone new after we broke up MUTUALLY is not malicious. I’ve dated and slept with girls since the break up. I don’t own her and she doesn’t own me so idc who or how she dates. But I still care for her deeply and that’s okay, I don’t have to have sex with someone to love them.

She asked me to open the door because it was locked and she didn’t have a key. Dude, I’m saying this as someone who cares about you, women are not out to get you. Everything they do does not have some weird secret double meaning which is weird and manipulative. Sure, there are abusive and manipulative people out there, but in my experience there are more men than women out there like that. But, either way it doesn’t matter which gender does this or that. Either way people are just people and they want to live their lives, women get just as lonely as you or I. They don’t have a secret psychopath part of their brain that makes them manipulate and lie. My recommendation to you is to Get out there and build totally platonic relationships with women and then see how your perspective of them changes. Take care of yourself man, all that manosphere shit will rot your brain if you’re not careful.
 
Last edited:
Hellomynameisrob said:
Neither of us care, I love my ex as a person, we just weren’t right for each other romantically. I like living with her actually.
Click to expand...

Being friends with an ex can feel like the right thing to do, but it is holding you back from moving on properly. You know your situation a lot better than we do, of course. But i think its reasonable to suggest that if you meet a new girl any time soon it's going to be pretty offputting to learn that you live with your ex and her new boyfriend.

Is there any chance at all that your annoyance of this guy is anything to do with the fact that he's dating your ex? Are you sure?

I might be wrong. But my advice would still be to find someone else to live with.
 
fredisthebes said:
Being friends with an ex can feel like the right thing to do, but it is holding you back from moving on properly. You know your situation a lot better than we do, of course. But i think its reasonable to suggest that if you meet a new girl any time soon it's going to be pretty offputting to learn that you live with your ex and her new boyfriend.

Is there any chance at all that your annoyance of this guy is anything to do with the fact that he's dating your ex? Are you sure?

I might be wrong. But my advice would still be to find someone else to live with.
Click to expand...
I mean yeah, it definitely does have to do with that, but she’s been with other dudes and I don’t get as annoyed at their mere presence. This dude just pisses me off for some reason. He’s said some passive aggressive stuff to me, and when we broke up she would go on rants to me about all the amazing things he did that I didn’t. It felt like a comparison game. I also kind of envy him for being really attractive and. I don’t feel im as much so as him. I really don’t care what other people think of my living arrangement though, no offence. We intended to move here together while we were still dating and when we broke up she had nowhere else to go. She’s still like a part of my family and everything, I have moved on from that relationship but I still care for her deeply. I think that’s good and I’m happy about it.

We also live with my best friend. I don’t really need a solution either I just came to rant cause I needed an outlet, but I feel better now.
 
Hellomynameisrob said:
I mean yeah, it definitely does have to do with that, but she’s been with other dudes and I don’t get as annoyed at their mere presence. This dude just pisses me off for some reason. He’s said some passive aggressive stuff to me, and when we broke up she would go on rants to me about all the amazing things he did that I didn’t. It felt like a comparison game. I also kind of envy him for being really attractive and. I don’t feel im as much so as him. I really don’t care what other people think of my living arrangement though, no offence. We intended to move here together while we were still dating and when we broke up she had nowhere else to go. She’s still like a part of my family and everything, I have moved on from that relationship but I still care for her deeply. I think that’s good and I’m happy about it.

We also live with my best friend. I don’t really need a solution either I just came to rant cause I needed an outlet, but I feel better now.
Click to expand...

I have a different take on this, a spiritual approach as I’ve found in the 12-step movement. Do you have a concept of a God that is all-powerful, that you believe is present in your life? For expedience, I’ll use the word God. If you do, you must invite God into all areas of your life, including this one. Many people forget that God is everywhere, and it’s important to bring God into your love and sexual affairs. You cannot offend God or think you cannot use your spirituality and bring God into your relationship with your roommate and with him, including the bedroom.

It’s a purely spiritual program, and you can utilize these steps around your sexual life and sex addiction. Step 1: admit that you’re powerless over this situation, and where this guy is concerned. In this regard, your thoughts and actions are unhealthy and you are insane in your thinking - your life is unmanageable in this affair.

Step 2: if you believe in the God of your understanding, you’ll have to have a strong faith and trust that God can and will help you - if you let God. You have to be willing to accept that God, a power greater than you, can restore you to sanity. if you have trouble doing this, return to step one. When you’re able to believe that God is powerful enough to help you, heal you and return you to sanity, you are ready for Step 3.

Step 3: make a decision to turn your will and your life over to the care of God, praying ONLY for knowledge of God’s will for you and for the power to carry it out. You only need to have faith the size of a mustard seed for this to work in your life.

As long as you live your life on self-will, NOT trying to align your will with Gods will., you’re destined to lose, in every area of your life. God always has to be Number 1 in your life, because without God, you have nothing. Whatever you put ahead of God, you will lose. This is a spiritual principle that works - ALWAYS works. When you live your life this way, your life will get better, and so will you. When you can begin to live your life as your highest self, aligning your will with God’s will, you will succeed and be happy. Isn’t that what we all want? To find peace, happiness, fulfillment and joy in life?
 
Mindfulness is good practice when it comes to relationships, be them romantic or not. To deal with people I dislike through curiosity lens aids me to keep it cool. To get emotional help, like that of a psychologist, would help. Not with your ex this time, obviously.
 
I apologize, OP, I didn't finish by offering something concrete for you. You're in a no-win situation there. If you stay there, you'll have to change your attitude toward her bf if you have any hope of feeling comfortable; you're putting yourself thru unnecessary anger and resentment = suffering. You also tend to keep yourself stuck with limited freedom if/when you want to bring a new possible love-interest home. As mentioned by another responder, I think it would appear strange and a bit odd to anyone you date/bring home as to why you're still there with your ex and her bf. You're standing in the way of their ability to make the apartment their home and share intimacy. You don't appear to be an independent man who is fully available when you're still surrounded by the energy and trappings of your most recent love-interest.

In spite of all your reasons and justifications, I don't feel you're ready to admit it it's over and move on, or you would have. Your ex may be being "nice" by letting you stay. Take out an add "looking for a roommate." You'll have to put yourself thru the temporary inconvenience of roommate and apartment shopping and say goodbye to your ex.
 
Basic solution, I’m sure it has already been said here, but, move out. I love my mom but I absolutely could not live with her. I’m 23, and need my own personal space, I have my own lifestyle, I have my own beliefs that differ from my mom’s. That does not mean that I don’t love her. She understands. If your ex does not understand you wanting to move out and get’s mad or something, then she in fact was just using you and is not that good of a person. But if she does understand, no strings attached, then she may be a good friend.
 
AbTheAb said:
She is using both of you BTW. But what I do not understand is why are you still living together, it just doesn't work.

The oldest trick in the book for a woman is to make her intended target jealous by flirting and giving herself to another man, so that she can increase her value and attraction by appearing to be wanted. Make no mistake, when she called you to open the door for her she knew exactly what she was doing and the effect it will get and I presume she was thrilled to see a surprised or off balanced facial expression from you. If you do the dreaded mistake of continuing to live with her, expect things only to get worse in terms of trying to get you to feel jealous.

You will be far better off without her, either you or her need to change living quarters, if it can happen immediately all the better.
She kept her connection with that ex boyfriend so that she can use him in situations like this, that's why women stay "friends" with their ex-boyfriends, they like to keep all of their options open. Men and women think very differently.

The old fashioned way of getting married early on and staying married for life, was so much better than the hook-up culture we have now, men used to be able to focus on their lives, families and improving their societies. Now, this relationships sphere is unconducive to good living and the worst part is that the younger generations don't even know what they are missing.
Click to expand...
This ^

That, or either get back with her. Because she might try to make you jealous for this reason.

Your feelings are betraying your true emotions.

You know it as well, you are just in denial.

I don't think you are happy about her, I think that's just your way to cope. And it's okay to be unhappy about her. You don't owe her anything, you broke up.

Based on your words, you shouldn't have any issue with her boyfriend, but you clearly due, so your words don't really reflect your true feelings. I'm not saying you are lying to us, I don't think that is the case, I think you are lying to yourself.
 
Hellomynameisrob said:
My ex and I live together. She has this boyfriend who she dated and then broke up with and now they’re on track to start dating again, they’re not official yet but soon to be probably.

they got together almost a week after we broke up and he started coming around. He’s nice enough, he seems like a decent guy. We don’t talk much cause I find him kind of boring but he’s not terrible for her. But, everytime i see his goddamn face I find it hard not to get pissed off. I just loathe his existence for some reason. I don’t know why, but it might just be the fact that he got with my ex pretty much immediately after we broke up. It was a mutual breakup and I was instantly happier without her. But, for some reason only with this guy am I weirdly possessive. I got pissed tonight cause I stayed up to say goodnight after she got off work cause I haven’t seen her in a couple days and she asks me to come open the door for her. And there he is standing right behind her. I was so pissed I didn’t even say anything to her when I saw her. Im having so much trouble dealing with my emotions about this that I almost watched porn because I was so pissed and didn’t know what to do with this energy. So I came here to write my feelings and cool down instead. I’m glad I did, I feel a lot better.
Click to expand...
You need to move out. Living with an ex never works out. Been there, s
Done that. I've also been the new boyfriend of a girl living with an ex. Bad juju.
 
AbTheAb said:
She is using both of you BTW. But what I do not understand is why are you still living together, it just doesn't work.

The oldest trick in the book for a woman is to make her intended target jealous by flirting and giving herself to another man, so that she can increase her value and attraction by appearing to be wanted. Make no mistake, when she called you to open the door for her she knew exactly what she was doing and the effect it will get and I presume she was thrilled to see a surprised or off balanced facial expression from you. If you do the dreaded mistake of continuing to live with her, expect things only to get worse in terms of trying to get you to feel jealous.

You will be far better off without her, either you or her need to change living quarters, if it can happen immediately all the better.
She kept her connection with that ex boyfriend so that she can use him in situations like this, that's why women stay "friends" with their ex-boyfriends, they like to keep all of their options open. Men and women think very differently.

The old fashioned way of getting married early on and staying married for life, was so much better than the hook-up culture we have now, men used to be able to focus on their lives, families and improving their societies. Now, this relationships sphere is unconducive to good living and the worst part is that the younger generations don't even know what they are missing.
Click to expand...
I'm trying to disagree with everything @AbTheAb is saying, but I can't. She's using both of you and that's no good.
 
Hellomynameisrob said:
Nah man, i don’t care about that. I’m not a traditionalist and I think I’m happier for it. I wouldn’t be where I’m at in my life if it weren’t for her. We’re close friends now, I’m happy with that. Also both of us would have been miserable in a marriage to one another, we dated for two years and lived together for 1, it sucked and we hated it. There was no saving that relationship, sometimes you just can’t help feelings if resentment, she did a lot of fucked up things and I did a lot of fucked up things too. Relationships ending is rarely a single person’s fault in any relationship.

It’s just this guy man, for some reason he rubs me the wrong way. But please don’t make assumptions about people you don’t know. Her intention is to be romantically content, not to make me jealous. Women’s lives are not centered around men, likewise her intention in dating someone new after we broke up MUTUALLY is not malicious. I’ve dated and slept with girls since the break up. I don’t own her and she doesn’t own me so idc who or how she dates. But I still care for her deeply and that’s okay, I don’t have to have sex with someone to love them.

She asked me to open the door because it was locked and she didn’t have a key. Dude, I’m saying this as someone who cares about you, women are not out to get you. Everything they do does not have some weird secret double meaning which is weird and manipulative. Sure, there are abusive and manipulative people out there, but in my experience there are more men than women out there like that. But, either way it doesn’t matter which gender does this or that. Either way people are just people and they want to live their lives, women get just as lonely as you or I. They don’t have a secret psychopath part of their brain that makes them manipulate and lie. My recommendation to you is to Get out there and build totally platonic relationships with women and then see how your perspective of them changes. Take care of yourself man, all that manosphere shit will rot your brain if you’re not careful.
Click to expand...
You need to move out, regardless. Change the dynamic a bit. Allow you both to clear the air and clear some headspace. I think any guy would rub the wrong way in this situation.
 
Hellomynameisrob said:
I’m glad I did, I feel a lot better
Click to expand...


As a Firebender once said: “Dude that’s rough.”

Firstly I think you need to get out of the living situations. It may be nice living with a gal but i’ve seen a few of my buddies get strap into dealing with them on close quarters. It’s not pretty at all no matter how those feelings come across for them still. You’re gonna see the guy more often for sure, more importantly the Woman is going to move on so fast it’s going to be so unfair when you’re dealing with the new guy shit. I’ve had this happen with my first gf who dated a guy the day after we broke things off.

I would have been fine if it was like a week but literally day after I saw photos online. It’s horrid. It’s like every time I saw her I grew sad and depressed like I was nothing.

What we can do bro is honestly let them go. Get a good group of friends that you can hang with to get over her. Act like you are living such a better life with out her, sing in the shower, post positivity on fb or where ever you talk. If you can get out when she’s there get out! Silence is louder than words trust me in this one.


I wasted months on feeling sorry for myself and it wasn’t worth all the anger, sorrow, or unwanted feelings.
 
AbTheAb said:
Make no mistake, when she called you to open the door for her she knew exactly what she was doing and the effect it will get and I presume she was thrilled to see a surprised or off balanced facial expression from you.
Click to expand...


I feel allot know what hey are doing, they just don’t care. It’s really sad and pitiful because they cover up their emotions with moving on so quickly and not giving a damn. It took over two weeks to make my first gf realize I was heart broken over us. Was like no remorse thoughts came into play but I’m gonna focus on myself. lol
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top