I hate myself, life is never gonna get better,why should i go on

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by SCARY MONSTER, Nov 5, 2018.

  1. SCARY MONSTER

    SCARY MONSTER Fapstronaut

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    ive been doing nofap for 4 years never made it past 45 days i gotten into the worst types of porn i have no respect for myself now.

    i can't make friends because of my SA.im afraid to start coversations with people but when people talk to me its like my foucus is locked intensely on my anxiety and i just can't make any sense and always look stupid.

    i've lost friends, cut out friends and drifted apart from friends i dont have any left and i cant make more

    im especially anxious around woman (i dont know why)
    im afraid to go out and meet woman because i have failed in bed a few times in the past due to pied.

    i cant even hold a conversation with people im comfortable around( people will say stuff and i just come up blank in my head most of the time.

    my days are the same dull and boring
     
  2. doooop

    doooop New Fapstronaut

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    find a goal for your life ?
     
  3. Rahab

    Rahab Fapstronaut

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    I guess you put yourself too much under pressure. I did the same experience like you in my life (lost friends, cutting myself out from friend-cycles etc.). But how you lose friends so you meet new people where ever you go.
    Did you ever visit another country? Go outside from your daily surroundings and visit a complete different place! I did it in 2015, 2016 and 2018, I met new people from different countries on a festival which are very nice in contrast to my home-country. Really, it is a whole different experience you make, if you go to a different location (just visiting, not directly living there).

    Else: Did you visit a psychologist? He/she can help you finding back in enjoying life. I visited a psychologist too in the past. He could give me some hints how I should handle my life - and it helped.
     
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  4. Ra's Al Ghul

    Ra's Al Ghul Fapstronaut

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    4 years and your results are shit. Youre defintely not doing Nofap right.
     
  5. horny nerd

    horny nerd Fapstronaut

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    I am also like you. The best thing to do would be to go to the doctor and tell him about your anxiety and depression. If he gives you medicine take as low doses as you can. Also while you take medicine you will find it easier to socialize and make friends. Use that to your advantage and try and put yourself out there. You can take it slow. Eventually you won't need medicine. Anxiety and depression are serious mental illnesses that I suffer from, but you don't have to suffer too much. You can also try therapy and other things. Exercise gets rid of my anxiety very quick. Put on your headphones and go for a run or go biking. Skateboarding also. For a while I was confident exercised three times a week at least and got up to 49 days nofap. Then, I stopped and became sedentary, the confidence and happiness was all lost. It is proven that exercising releases endorphins and a bunch of feel good chemicals. Exercising can clear your head and give you a little more purpose. Maybe you are tired of hearing all this stuff, but trust me it works and that's why it's said so much. Exercising makes my self esteem go up and makes me calmer and with more energy.
     
  6. BestVersionToday

    BestVersionToday Banned

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    Try eliminate the things you don't approve of, like porn.

    Accept the things you can't change. Even accept the things you can't change immediately and just work on bettering yourself.

    Allow yourself to make mistakes when building confidence, its the only way. Be kind to yourself.

    Social anxiety is an excessive fear of being judged. So you need to work on having a better judgement of yourself. Let me inform you that nobody knows what porn you have watched. You're feeling guilt and shame. At the end of the day you have not hurt anyone and you can stop doing it.

    I recommend seeing a psychologist for your depression and anxiety brah.
    I'm sure there are kindle books you can buy off amazon on social anxiety. Get Dr Aziz's book. I'm guessing it will be good.

    Things WILL get better for you, I'm 100% certain. With the bad porn, forgive yourself, that's it, and if you get the urge for it again, force yourself to cum straight away to some other more normal porn. Once you cum you wont crave the bad stuff. Just think about how bad the bad stuff makes you feel and you will hopefully see its not worth a little bit of pleasure for longer term pain.
     
  7. niceguy96

    niceguy96 Fapstronaut

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    Your life will change when u stop to victimize your self and move on.
    You have the power to change your life it is in YOUR hands. Always in your hands.
    The past, is the past.
     
  8. I was in exactly the same spot this time last year. I was suicidal as well. I started going to a therapist in January and it was a huge help. One of the first things he did was get me looking at the positives in my life and built on that. I was always very negative. Certainly there must be some positives traits in your life that you can start spending time developing?
     
  9. The Lone Ranger

    The Lone Ranger Fapstronaut

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    See someone! There’s no shame to that. I’ve done it and it was great. My wife has done it and it was great. My sister done it and it was great. Can be a priest, a therapist or a doctor. It won’t hurt you. Best of wishes my friend!
     
  10. RunawaySFTW

    RunawaySFTW Fapstronaut

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    Homie, shell out the money and go to your local LMFT Clinic. (Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist) PMO is probably a symptom to something bigger. Go talk to a professional.
     
    end_it_for_good and Ra's Al Ghul like this.
  11. nef

    nef Fapstronaut

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    I don't know what to say
     
    Last edited: Nov 6, 2018
  12. Castielle

    Castielle Fapstronaut

    Amen! You need help, man. And I'm not saying that as an insult. We all need help with things. You absolutely CAN turn your life around, but you probably cant do it very easily on your own. So get help. You obviously want help if you are posting this here, but we arent the ones who can help you. You need to see a therapist, maybe get some medication, and work on these issues with someone who knows how to guide you through it. Theres no shame in that, please do what you need to do to have a happy life.
     
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  13. Towards Redemption

    Towards Redemption Fapstronaut

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    Abstinance is difficult, but that makes it an achievement, and 45 unbroken days takes guts: so many people who join this site never achieve that.

    It's a sad truth that certain opportunities pass us only once, and that we have wasted years of them, but while we live we always have the opportunity to be honourable men. It's not what you've done but what you do now and indend to keep doing: that's the kind of man you are. And it's independent of other people's opinions. I'm here to overcome this destructive habit and earn my self-respect and I want you walking beside me.
     
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  14. jk243

    jk243 Fapstronaut

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    You cannot come and say somethin like that when someone is asking for help. His process is Maybe différent than yourz.
     
  15. fan_of_all_might

    fan_of_all_might Fapstronaut

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    Bro I know what it's like having anxiety seemingly for no reason, breaking promises to yourself. I thnk you should go see a therapist if you can and be really open. Know these bad things are only bad due to how you frame it.

    Recently I found a good cure for my social anxiety is having gratitude for and thinking positive thoughts about people.

    Speaking of reframing things, check out this guy. I hope you will find him as inspiring as I did.



    Best of luck bro. Everyone advances at a different pace but if you put in enough work and really try to believe it with all your heart I think you'll see some great results.
     
    SCARY MONSTER likes this.
  16. It's a wrong process then.

    To the OP: I cannot advise you what to do since I'm a shit just like you but I can tell you what didn't work for me and that was
    1. focusing on some future point in life where all will be great
    2. talking to a therapist as some have suggested
     
  17. Some therapists are different than others, is it possible you saw someone who was bad at their job or a bad fit for you? Therapy, at its best, is helpful for anyone, addicted or not, mentally ill or not.
     
    Awakeatlast likes this.
  18. dboy18

    dboy18 Fapstronaut

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    We are all in the same boat bra. Keep on posting it does get better
     
  19. SCARY MONSTER

    SCARY MONSTER Fapstronaut

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    thanks for all the advice and help i was actually surprised to see people cared. i found this 24 hour pie chart online i remember i did is a a kid in school and found out by doing it that i'm on my computer or phone pretty much all day alone be it watching Netflix or playing games or doing assignments and i have been missing classes in school and skipping gym days just to go home and be alone and feel bad about myself.

    so i made 2 more 24hr pie charts
    1. for the weekdays
    2. for the weekend

    1. for the week days i built a soild 24hr plan
    (gym yoga meditaion) for 5hrs
    (school & study) for 12hrs and
    (sleep) for 7hrs.
    so i will get all my work done in school so i will not have anything to do on weekend so i will not use my labtop on weekend only use in school library and i cant pmo there.

    2. for the weekend i have
    (gym yoga mediation) for 5hrs
    (a thing i do) for 3hrs
    (sleep) for 8hrs
    (danger zone) for 8hrs which is free time its when im most vulnerable to start thinking negatively or pmo

    my phone is also a place where i watch porn and play games i so im going to downgrade to a phone that just makes calls

    i think i made a good plan i know my week points. 12 hours of study and school i know you might be thinking hes set bar to high he wont keep up with that but the (school and study) breaks down like this (school) 5hrs (homework)2hrs(break)1hrs (study) 4hrs
    and the (study) can be to study school work, yoga pose, gym exercises,mediation/mindful practices or anything really i need to do on my laptop because i wont be using it at home.

    the danger zone is what im worried about 8hrs without a thing to do perfect ingredient for disaster. but i know this so i have to remind myself to be careful.

    i want to do no PMO until summer. do good in school and just become a better person. i heard the mindfulness and mediation is good for anxiety maybe if i do it consistently ill become a calmer person.

    i know i have to succeed there is that life, and there is the other, i want to know i built me i made me i came from where i was and now im here i have suceeded i can talk to anyone comfortably, im enjoying life, i have people friends they have me. im fun to be around i do this im not a bore etc.. i cant live as a failure i have to put in the work and be a winner its the only way
     
    Last edited: Nov 11, 2018
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  20. SCARY MONSTER

    SCARY MONSTER Fapstronaut

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    a weird thing happened to me the other day. i just kept doing things i wouldn't normally have the confidence to do. only Little things like without giving much thought like but thoughts like i have enough of this crap. for one i eat at takeaway restaurant alone i would never do this and i did it there was many people there to.

    i was talking to strangers but with a lot confidence almost no nervousness i was saying things that made sense you know i never started the conversations but wasn't finding it difficult.

    whenever something made me scared or had doubts i just went straight for it. i had freezing unbearable cold showers i really didn't want to do but i did it to tell my body i not talking your shit maybe that played a role. watching david goggins video defiantly played a role.

    i don know what came over me but i challenged everything that day. i challenged going to restaurant i didn't even plan on eating there because i wouldn't never do that im afraid to eat in front of people and thats exactly what thought that while i was there and just said no more and just did it i made abit of a mess eating but i think i handle myself well, theirs a bunch of things i challenged that day literally everything.

    i was going to write about it that day but then i though that would jinx it. the next day came and i just had a bad felling that things are not going to go as well as they did yesterday, and to the best of my recollection i had a lot of work to do worked pretty much all day there wasn't much opportunity. but there was this one opportunity that day to talk to this girl i like but i would of had to chase her and i was tired and didn't want to mess things up. went home and had much more work to do then a day later im here typing this.

    im not saying my anxiety just went. but first first time im facing my fears and because of it am feeling better.

    i think CBT might be for me i have to do things soon that are way way out of my comfort zone i better prepared myself.

    should i talked to that girl i know she likes me but i feel that would change when i start talking to her? i dont wanna let her down or me either.

    BTW that 24hr plan failed. im on 4 days no PMO curently.
     

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