I did it again, and this is a post about rebooting not relapsing. Why was rebooting so easy at first then challenging after my first mess up? I made it almost a month without PMO before relapsing for the first time, afterwards I find it a challenge to go a week without it. It's easier now to sink back into my old ways than it is to continue on the right path and I hate it so damn much. Part of me wishes I could induce temporary impotence so I couldn't do it at all, but I know abstaining that way wouldn't be a matter of choice just like that episode of Lost where Locke takes Charlie's heroin. I'm tired of people being nice and encouraging me, I need someone to be a dick to me. I think that's what I need to hear right now.