I have a girlfriend now but this problem too..

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Warrior 321, Jul 21, 2021.

  1. Warrior 321

    Warrior 321 Fapstronaut

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    I will try to be as succinct as I can.

    I met a girl last week. In a previous post I had mentioned about my flaccid ejaculation problem and how I made friends with a guy who gave me seriously good advice on confidently nd approaching girls.

    Sadly I've been unable to quit my PMO/flaccid ejaculation problem and have simultaneously been trying to get girls using my friend's advice.

    So the confidence thing worked last week and I met a girl on the public transit and started talking to her. Long story short within a week she's my girlfriend and we both genuinely like each other.

    The only problem is that she wants sex soon. I'm now seriously going to cut out all the bad habits in my life and start a positive lifestyle. No more PMO, smoking, weird sleeping patterns. I will start exercising, eating better, sleeping on time and not touching my dick.

    I just want to give this new lifestyle a try and abstain completely for at least 30 days before I do anything sexual at all. I'm afraid she won't be patient and I'll yet again lose out on a real sexual outlet because of the dark habits of my ugly past.

    Should I just come clean with her and tell her about my sexual weakness and just hope for the best? I'm 90% sure she's gonna run away after hearing about my issues and I won't be mad at her for that. It's not her problem and she's doesn't owe me waiting for me.

    However I'm thinking that even if I go a week clean and then we start getting sexual my dick would still be used to the old habits and treat any sexual arousal with the same mechanism of ejaculating flaccid. Last week I lost my virginity to a hooker too and the sex sucked because I lost my boner and my dick wanted to cum flaccid.

    I've read somewhere it takes twice as long to recover but I don't have fucking ten years to wait!!

    I'm afraid I'm going to lose out on this girl but I want to make a new start now and even if this girl leaves me I'll take it as collateral damage for my last habits and a step towards a new life.

    I'm willing to do all the right things but I want to regain my ability to:
    - Gain a solid boner.
    - Maintain a solid erection.
    - Ejaculation with a hard dick and enjoying it.

    I think the only way if accomplishing these three goals are to quit porn and masturbating completely. No sexual stimulation of any kind whatsoever. Need a complete reset of my sexual life.

    I think I need some days of no sexual activity for at least a month before getting used to a normal sex life with a woman. In an ideal world I should have done the things I'm going to do now months years ago and I wouldn't be in this situation and instead be ready for a healthy relationship. But I'm a weak asshole who kept relapsing and reverting to my bad habits.

    I just think jumping into the ocean of sex right after quitting PMO is extremely hard.

    So should I go ahead and tell this woman that I'm not sexually available for the next few weeks and hope she understands and waits and thereby risk losing the girl or should I instead hide everything and hope that somehow my body forgets my bad habits and gets used to a normal sex life instead?
     
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  2. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

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    You friend teach you how to get a girl, but he didn't tell you to find information about her before making her your girlfriend. You need time to get to really know her. She can be the best in the world, but she call also be crazy as f*k. 1 week is not enough time to do that. You need at least around 2..3 months of dating for that.

    Good for you. But do it for you, not for this woman or anything else.

    Definitevely no. This is always going to be bad for her attraction to you. Never ever talk this stuff with your woman, talk this with your friends/family or a professional. Woman want a strong man, showing woman weakness make them less attractive to you.

    It depends on her attraction to you and her selfesteem.. if she have really high attraction to you or have low selfesteem she is probably going to wait for you and be supportive.. but her attraction to you is going to be lower. But if her attraction is not that high or her selfesteem is good... then she is going to probably dump you and go and look for a more masculine guy.

    actions have concecuencies.. you did bad things to your dick and brain, now you are facing the concecuences. If it takes 10 years to heal.. then wait 10 years.. this is not something you can fix with meds, it only can be fix with nofap and time.

    So what? it took you one week to get yourselve a girlfriend. You can get another one when you want.

    Agree.. go for it, get your life together and after this work you are going to be more confident about you and that is going to make it a little bit easier with woman.
     
  3. Koli Pratham

    Koli Pratham Fapstronaut

    If you feel Insecure about You're problem Just Tell her to wait for a month or two (I would suggest to wait atleast for two months- 60 days) Also in this due course of time you can build habits and solidify them, Also try to know each other more and spend some quality time by going out, travelling,etc etc. I would Personally recommend you to not directly open up to her. Take your own time, Peace!
     
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  4. Koli Pratham

    Koli Pratham Fapstronaut

    I agree with this guy @p1n1983 100%
     
  5. Hmm, and what do you want?
    It sounds to me that you are not all that eager to have sex soon.
    I mean, if you are in for the sex only, then go ahead. No need to tell her then because chances are that you might both just collect sex experiences and then move on for good.
    On the other hand, if you are interested in her as a person and in a longer-term relationship, no need to rush. She leaves you for no sex -> so then she did not have the same motive as you anyway and you would have split up soon. You will find a better girl in no time. However, if she is genuinely interested in you, she will respect your wish to wait. It is probably awkward to talk about porn right after your first date, however, keeping this secret and telling her later will intensify the blow you are dealing to her. I think women generally accept that men consume porn, so she should probably swallow that pill if you can bring it over in a relaxed way. Especially, since you announce this to be honest with her and to actually stop. It is a different thing if you are in a relationship with her for longer time and then she realizes that porn has been there as constant companion all the while.
    Anyway, follow your instincts. You know her and you know yourself. I am sure you will do the right thing.
     
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  6. Vanquisher12

    Vanquisher12 Fapstronaut

    Hmm, the fact that you got together and now she wants sex after only having known you for a week is disconcerting. You barely know each other, the fact she wants sex despite that means a quick shag is probably all she’s looking for, despite her exterior behaviour toward you. I could be wrong, but you should certainly make the effort to find out more about her before getting too involved with her.

    You should certainly tell her you’re not ready for intimacy, and when you’ve got to know her a bit better you should confess your ED and PE troubles to her. Contrary to what some people on this thread have said, disclosing your weaknesses to others is not a sign you’re a weak person. In fact it’s a sign of strength, because you’re showing that you’re trusting this girl to respect such secret knowledge and that you’re not worried about what she’ll think of you when you tell her. A truly strong man isn’t afraid to talk about his problems, but on the other hand also makes the effort to conquer them and build himself into a better man. Indeed if you tell her that you’re going to go on NoFap too then that’ll show you’re doing something about it, which she will like. Trying to hide these weaknesses just to look like a big man, on the other hand, will only cause a further drop in your confidence as you worry more and more about it, and will also make it a shock for her if she does find out, in part because it shows you’ve been keeping secrets from her, which is never a good idea.

    If she does leave you for someone who’s ‘more masculine’, it is her problem, because she obviously wasn’t going to respect you for the good guy you are, and she was, as I was expecting, just looking for a quick fuck, and that’s sad. Don’t allow yourself to get worked up about it, she obviously was just a sl*t and not worth your time. If, on the other hand, if she stays with you anyway, that’s not due to a lack of self-esteem, it’s because she will truly love and respect you, and if she’s willing to help and support you with this she’ll be a keeper without a doubt.

    You say you got some confidence tips off a friend, but to me it still looks like you need to work on your confidence, your real confidence inside yourself. As long as you continue to think that she’s automatically going to leave you just because of one of your problems then more likely than not she will leave you, in part because of this lack of real confidence.

    Perceived mate value = actual mate value, and while this girl may have been hooked by the external confidence you projected when you first met her, if she finds out that your inner confidence is far lower, she’s going to be turned off by you, because obviously you’re not the high-value mate she thought you were when she first met you. Confidence can’t be faked, whatever your friend may have told you, it’s something you need to put real work into in order to get lasting results.

    You shouldn’t have thrown away your virginity to a wh*re, too many men are pressured into doing this by modern society and it has a bad effect on their self-esteem. I know it’s done now in your case, but for any other virgins thinking of doing this, I’m advising you not to because you deserve better than that, and your virginity is a precious gift - both girls and guys. Your first time should be as magical and pleasurable as possible, and there’s no better way to have it than with someone who truly loves you and cares for you, not just from a moral point of view but also in the context of the pleasure you’ll actually receive - as well as the initial spike of dopamine you’ll get from orgasming, you’ll also be hit by a wave of oxytocin as the bond with your significant other strengthens and deepens. I certainly want that lovely oxytocin when I have my first time - don’t you?

    Yes indeed, NoFap is the only answer to these problems. Work at it and as the days and months go by, you should not only get your erections back but also your real, innate confidence will build up when you’ve realised you’ve conquered your inner demons.

    I don’t think this is the case (I certainly hope not because if so my chances of having a successful love and sex life will become much rockier), but it does take a significant amount of time for the memories of porn to die down and be replaced by attraction towards real women and real sex. How old are you? If you’re younger then you’ve still got a good amount of time to heal yourself and then get out into the dating world again.
    As long as you keep thinking this way you will keep relapsing. You need to develop a better mindset my friend. You’re not weak. The fact you’re on here, talking to us about your problem and thinking of doing NoFap in the first place already shows you’ve started working to conquer your weakness and grow as your own man, which as I’ve said before is what a strong man does.

    What’s more, the secret to avoiding relapsing is to think about the mental underlying cause that’s prompting you to PMO - everyone here has them when they’re addicted to PMO, and it’s the same with all other addictions. Once you’ve got this in your mind, fighting it is already easier because you know what you’re really up against, and to beat it all you need to do is actively resolve the trauma, whether through physical actions or mental resolutions, and replace your PMO habits with these actions.

    Good luck, friend :)
     
    stegiss likes this.
  7. Warrior 321

    Warrior 321 Fapstronaut

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    I'm 27.5 years old. Been addicted to some form of mild PMO since I was like 16. I have three years at most to recover because my parents want me to get married by the time I'm 30.

    I'm willing to stop all my bad habits cold turkey and will start taking cold showers from tomorrow and sunbathing my dick and balls (Sunlight in my room with east facing window)

    I'm going to do all the positive things that I've been procrastinating for YEARS now!

    Also I've made up my mind. I'm telling her everything and if she leaves me then so be it. If she sticks around then I know that I'm with a girl I can trust.
     
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  8. Cysia

    Cysia Fapstronaut

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    Sorry, old thread but I'm interested.
    Is that true ? a girl cannot hear this, and you always have to be the archetype of strong man blablabla to keep her and remain attractive ?
    This is very disappointing to me, I was hoping women weren't that superficial.
    You can be a man and still have feelings and faults, even sexual ones.
    I thought on the contrary that it would make you look more as a sensitiv personn, which isn't a bad thing.
    Do you have to be absolutely perfect ?
    I think you could talk about that but in a positive way, that the sexual desire will comeback, it just needs some time...
    Of course she is not going to wait a year, but some more weeks or months should be ok if she is attracted enough...
    And if she goes away, then that was just the bad timing with her, you can't blame her, but that is how it is, you can't force yourself either.
     
  9. Vanquisher12

    Vanquisher12 Fapstronaut

    No it's not true, not unless you want to join the red pill 'macho man' crowd. You're human, just like everyone else is, and all humans have flaws. Any girl worth your love will understand this, and will appreciate the fact you trust her enough to open up to her about your flaws. If she doesn't, she's not the right one for you. Girls will only be properly turned off if you let your flaws define you, and if you make no effort to conquer them, because that's a sign of weakness.
     
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  10. Cysia

    Cysia Fapstronaut

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    Yes I think it's true, and I just red your other above answer and I really agree.
    I think being sensitiv is also something beautiful.
    But you don't have to drawn yourself into your flaws, and expect her to rely 100% on her to get healed.
    You usually talk about it just for trust, honesty, and to go on, that is what I meant by " talking about in a positive way".
    Also I think macho man are just hiding their insecurity...or they are just plain stupid.
     
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  11. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

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    They aren't, they are just made that way. Woman love, confident strong man. More weak you are, less attracted to you she is going to be. Is just what woman react to.

    Of course you can, work on solving them or keep them, is up to you. But they are definitevely will look as weakness for a woman and turn down.

    Been sensitive is femenine. Woman are not naturally attracted to femenine guys. More femenine and weak features you have, les attraction you are going to have from woman.

    Woman with options, are not going to wait for you. On the other hand, woman without options (low value) can get stuck with you, totally unhappy.

    Never blame others for your own things. Get your shit together and share your completness with your woman, not all your problems.
     
  12. In addition, women will also be turned off if you're a liar or if you think it's "masculine" to pretend like you have no flaws or weaknesses. I think, more often than not, women are attracted to open, honest guys who are willing to share themselves to allow for a deeper intimacy. If they want a guy who's so busy playing 'macho man' that he can't let her know the person he really is, then they're both probably shallow and, therefore, perfect for each other.
     
    Vanquisher12 likes this.
  13. StarRider

    StarRider Fapstronaut

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    Conclusion: Women are attracted to open, honest guys with no flaws or weaknesses, who are willing to share their perfection to allow for a deeper intimacy.

    Such men do not exist, but that never stopped us. I mean permanently horny porn actresses do not exist either. :D
     

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