I have been trying and failing for months. Plz help? :(

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Desperate to Quit, May 27, 2015.

  1. Desperate to Quit

    Desperate to Quit Fapstronaut

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    Hi everyone. I'm a 28 year old male christian so this addiction to PMO is particularly a brutal one for me because there is that guilt and shame. How ever even before I was a christian I fully recognized the destructive and damaging affects of this addiction. The moment I came and the rush was over i was left feeling absolutely miserable. i have always worn my heart on my sleeve and i think thats why the guilt succumbs me so powerfully. it takes over my mind where i cant really concentrate on anything else. and during conversation I'm completely filled with self consciousness and fear and i cant even carry on a conversation very well. with this addiction i find I'm also very very lazy. I'm un able to even leave my room alot of the time and my room is usually a horrible mess. i even have a hard time doing simple things like showering which should be automatic habits. (that part is very embarrassing to share openly but i want more than anything in the world to defeat this addiction and so i wanna be entirely honest with who i am and what I'm about so hopefully some one out there can help me defeat this.)

    I am so utterly jealous and determined when i read success stories. I can just hear the joy in these guys who have conquered their bodies and their urges. these men walk taller, have more confidence, are more social, develop solid wonderful habits, re organize their lives so that they live a life of purpose and joy and countless other benefits. I want this more than anything in the world guys... I have tasted the good life but its always fleeting. the longest i have EVER gone without PMO was 2 weeks. 14 days. i kept track on my calendar on my phone and i have no idea how i got there cause sense then i have never gone more than 6 days. I feel so ashamed and so weak and so hopeless when i inevitably stumble. its so painful for me because during those days when i resist i feel so wonderful. I have more confidence, I'm so clear headed and i find talking easier. ( that probably doesn't make sense but i mean since i think clearly i talk more clearly) I don't know. i just love that version of me and yet no matter how much i love being that person, all though i don't want to, i always fap and ruin everything and plummet right back down to the bottom. down into a pit of despair and loss and hopelessness.

    I just so want to defeat this but it seems truly impossible. my body is just so weak. I hate it. I am so aware of all the negative affects of PMO. i'm fully aware that it ruins relationships down the road, that you are for want of a better word a zombie. your just not your full potential at all and its a very destructive addiction and even though i know this full and well i end up having to fap! its like in that moment when i'm turned on the rational part of my brain just shuts off and i just don't care about anything but getting that feeling of cumming. ugh... I just hate it u guys. And I'm at the end of my ropes. i'm so angry at myself for being so weak and pathetic. I know not everyone out there is christian but i hope you would respect that i am and this part that I'm about to share. I feel like when i stay away from PMO I feel the spirit more strongly and i feel closer to god and just full of light joy and hope. when i stumble (fap and cum) i ruin that progress. that's another reason why this is sooo very painful and hard to bare.

    I have never in my life joined any kind of forum or posted any thing on line but through my desperate research, which has been for months now, i stumbled upon NoFap on youtube and discovered that guys who are christian and non christian alike are trying to end this activity! that was mind blowing. i had no idea there were so many others who have had negative affects from this activity of fapping! And then to top things off i found that there were men out there just like me who some how defeated it! who have gone 90 days or even a year or more without PMO! I read an article recently from a guy who owned a porn website and was an actor in the videos as well and made so much money how ever he closed down the website and changed his life because he felt so miserable and had so many debilitating addictions which stemmed from that life style. porn desensitized him from normal sex. he said during the film some times he couldn't even get it up with the porn star right there. but then later on he would fap to a video of that same porn star! its because through the computer screen we invision the women to be something that they arent. when he saw these porn stars off camera and saw the real them, he was turned off cause they werent the sex goddesses that they are portrayed as.

    he said he's shocked at the transformation from when they first show up to the shoot to how the make up artists transform them. many of these girls don't like most of the stuff they do in the films and do it just cause they are desperate for money. many of them hate wearing high heels. they don't take care of their nails and don't care what their hair looks like. many of these women are abused or drug addicts and the list goes on. as he realized these things it ruined his fantasy so he couldn't even get hard. plus masturbating with your hand is much rougher so in time many guys cant even cum without that roughness that they're used to. I've experienced this myself when trying to have sex with women a few times. where i just cant stay hard. In fact i cant stay hard at all with condoms. i ruled out condoms a long time ago cause its just impossible for me. and man look how dangerous that is! I always had to use the pull out method which isnt safe! I dont wanna be a dad! I'm sooo soo lucky that i never got any of those girls of my past prego.

    So see porn right there could have ruined my life. made it so i cant where condoms. omg. the list goes on u guys. im sorry. this post is not well formulated. i guess i am just baring my soul and it doesnt have a good structure but i hope u guys will bare with me cause i just have to get this all out... All though i am very bad with hygene habits and have a messy room and just have very little to offer i am some how engaged to an incredibly beautiful woman who is the love of my life. i feel like she was hand crafted and delivered to me by God and she's a true mirrical and I'm the luckiest man in the world to have her. I'm shocked every day when i think about it because she could have any one. she makes much more money than me and is just a beautiful person in every way. The most amazing part is that she some how sees right through every one of my many flaws! she's patient with me and totally accepts that im lazy and dirty and probably stinky.. I have shared my problem with PMO with her and she is patient with that as well. she doesnt hate me for being an addicted loser or anything. I thank God for her every day. She's the love of my life.

    the reason i bring her up how ever is since i will be marrying her in 3 short months i really don't wanna damage our sex life! And i know porn and masturbation has been well known to do that. I've read many stories of guys who are so addicted to porn and to their hand that they cant even stay hard during sex. Their entire desire becomes warped and they no longer even want their wife sexually. they want porn instead. Omg what a night mare! I never want it to get to that point! My fiancee has a very high sex drive and i would hate to hurt her by denying her in that way! She deserves the world and i cant let anything come between us. Its one of the reasons i'm so desperate to defeat this once and for all! ugh.. i just wanna be free of this disgusting addiction so i can live and grow in the beautiful empowering spirit of the lord and live a long happy loving fulfilling joyous life with my amazing wife. K so what i have tried so far and what has failed. I have heard meditation is good? I'm planning to try that by the way. I have 2 accountability partners. my friend and my fiancee said i can text or call them any time i am tempted. the problem is the moment i'm tempted i forget that i dont wanna do it. well more like i dont care. i don't wanna stop myself because the desire is so over whelming. so i have yet to ever call an accountability partner when i'm tempted. in fact i have never fought the urge before. when ever it comes i cant help but give in. How do the guys who have succeeded defeat this first huge hurdle? anyway this is way too long. for anyone who read the entire thing thank you. and ANY tips or advice to help me in the hardest struggle of my life would be so very much appreciated. Have a great day everyone! thank you again!
     
  2. nismo

    nismo Fapstronaut

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    I'm on day one.... I'm not sure if I will be of any help to you other than a guy that gets where your coming from, but it seems like everyone here is in this together. If stuff gets too bad for you message me and maybe I can help you through it, it seems our back stories are almost identical, I find a strange comfort in knowing that I'm not in this alone and that their are people our there that are struggling with this addiction as I am. God bless stay strong and soldier on
     
  3. Desperate to Quit

    Desperate to Quit Fapstronaut

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    Thanx man! Im glad too and same goes to u. If u need some one to talk to to help u through the hard moments with this feal free to message me! And ill do the same. Thanks for the reply!
     
  4. nismo

    nismo Fapstronaut

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    This is my first 24 hours, I scheduled myself to work 5 12 hour shifts in a row, I'm Hoping not being home and alone will help me out, but I think for me the true test will be in the morning when I'm off. I'm so glad I came across this site, I knew I had a problem but after reading some of the facts the chive posted I soon realized that what I thought was a small problem was actually a very bad addiction, what are you trying to help you get through the day?
     
  5. mv8652

    mv8652 Fapstronaut

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    Desperate to Quit: This reply is going to be more philosophical than practical, but you'll find many practical posts by me and lots of others in the forums. You have already researched this issue much more than most of the others who join us. You know the problem and the benefits of the cure. You've already experienced some of those benefits in your short previous attempts. You know of the successes of others, and you want that for yourself. So, what are you lacking? You need to just get on with it and do it! I know that's easy to say, but what other way is there? You have excellent motivation and support from your girl. Keep her in mind whenever you are tempted. You might relapse (or not), but if you do, learn from it and keep going. Avoid your triggers like the plague and face your urges with resolve. (Each one will pass. They will become fewer and farther between. You will get better at managing them.) Put simply, fapping is a choice, and not fapping is a choice. We already know which one you want. Get on with making it a reality, and don't dare accept any excuses from yourself. Others have done this, and so can you. Take it one day at a time. Promise yourself each morning, "I will not masturbate today." Mean it, and stick to it. Worry about tomorrow tomorrow. Meanwhile, you can handle just one day. I wish you the best of success with it, and may God bless.
     
  6. nismo

    nismo Fapstronaut

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    When things start to get rough, I'm going to read this reply over and over. Thanks man I really appreciate it
     
  7. mv8652

    mv8652 Fapstronaut

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    You're very welcome! I was kinda tough on you, but it was tough love.
     
  8. Quote, "So see porn right there could have ruined my life. made it so i cant where condoms"...

    No only it's very hard to even remain erect and wear condoms, you can also ruin the sensitivity of your own penis (especially when not many of us masturbate with lubrication, ahem) and then have little to enjoy from sex real. As I've just mentioned in another post, but many men don't realize this until they actually come into contact with the opposite sex. I pretty much went through exactly what you are feeling but without the help of a girlfriend since I'm a celibate, so I have to help myself and I thank God for bringing us (through the good left in humanity) NoFap.

    I used to believe that, as many Christians say, that Jesus sets us free from the bondage of all sin and the Holy Spirit protects us from falling into sin. I find this belief holds no water whatsoever (and I practise Christianity, somewhat, so please know that I am not deliberately attacking any belief system) and frankly speaking, religious people are not immune from this kind of perversion, not one bit, not at all. In addiction to the lack of religious immunity, people in the higher religious positions cannot do much to help and don't even care in my experience – and that includes non-Christian ones. Whatever the reason for the apathy of the religious world and ignoring of the "Elephant in the room", I looked hard deep in myself about this problem and later on I realised that God created human beings with strong reproductive desires to keep us, individually and collectively as a human race, going. Before porn existed, men used to be men and enjoyed women (and having families) more than anything in the world.

    You need to chill out first, stop panicking and start taking control of yourself. Change your lifestyle and how much time you spend in front of the computer, entirely. Find something to do outdoors, find your hobbies and do an online test in discovering what your interests, strengths and potential talents are. Addiction to PMO was like the end of the world for me, but in the end I raised up like a warrior and make an end out of PMO instead. Don't let this addiction and the damage it has done to your life become the end of the world. Life will go on no matter what and human beings were created to find pleasure in other human beings. Put on the armor of God and draw out your sword, and there is much more to life than porn, addictions and despair.

    You know what? I want to add, in my communications class today, I started to make friend with a fairly devout Buddhist and he confessed to me, out of the blue, that he is addicted to porn. I referred him to NoFap. You're not alone, dude. Just don't panic, we're all in this struggle of good versus evil together.
     
  9. NoBrainer

    NoBrainer Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    Anyone who has posted in the success stories has most likely gone through significant struggles with porn. We all know what it's like to relapse. And not simply relapse a few times, but relapse over and over again in a seemingly never ending cycle. So you are not alone in your fight buddy. You say your abstinence is fleeting. I would urge you to think about and analyse why you always relapse. Your reasons may be varied, but every reason, there is a solution. And so that collection of solutions will build your resolve- your reasoning as to why quit. To truly quit and leave PMO in the dust.

    It is likely that from relapsing so many times and feeling hopeless, that you think you're not good enough to quit or to make it, further distancing yourself from those guys who seem to have it sorted in your opinion. The truth however, is that you ARE good enough to quit. You can do anything you want to, including quit porn. And it doesn't matter if you're starting from the bottom or the top.

    I would suggest reading and applying the advice I have written out in my "tips thread". It contains my approach to nofap. I was in a very similar situation to you before I managed to hold on in this streak, feeling utterly hopeless and depressed etc. I do believe that if you follow this simple ideology, you can break free from this addiction.

    All the best :)
    NoBrainer
     
  10. Iwantmorefromlife

    Iwantmorefromlife Fapstronaut

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    Personally, I think that as a Christian you need to learn to forgive yourself as your God forgives all who repent. I am not religious myself, though I was brought up in a very strict religious family. If you believe in God, I think its important to understand that it would mean they created everything, even sexual desire. Porn manipulates natural sexual desire by presenting us with something instant and extreme, akin with the health benefits from most fast-food places.
    I have really struggled with porn addiction. I am married, I have kids, and yet I still find myself desperate to get off watching porn. It came to a head when my wife confronted me about the regularity I was doing it (she never minded me watching porn or masturbating, but the frequency I was doing it has affected our sex life for most of our relationship), and I had to ask myself 'What kind of person do I want to be? Someone to whom masturbating over porn is more important than my family, or friends?', and I've got to say, I want porn to be only a miniscule part of my life, if any at all.
    Giving up anything that one has an addiction to is going to be tough. But keep reminding yourself of the person you want to be, and what you think you priorities should be and you'll get there. Remember, its not a competition. We're a team.
     
  11. pitazz

    pitazz Fapstronaut

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    You story sound very similar to mine,just take one day at time if need be take hour by hour.Also try to install accontable2you software.We r in his fight together bro
     
  12. Desperate to Quit

    Desperate to Quit Fapstronaut

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    Hi guys I'm a noob. Best I've ever done is 14 days which was some kind of mirracle cause since then i havent even been close. RIght now I'm 2 days strong and I had a question for my NoFap Fam. i finally figured out how to make the progress counter on my page. I'm gonna take the steps necessary to be successful with this. a firm foundation is how to do it right... its gonna be very hard to but i'm gonna give up my smart phone for 90 days. give it to a friend or something. i used k9 blocker before but it kinda screwed up my computer. i had to uninstall it cause after a while it froze and wouldnt let me adjust the k9 settings. also just the fact i had the password wasnt very good cause i could just by pass the k9 filter if i really wanted to fap. i guess i need to have a friend put in the password so i dont know? also do i really have to give up my smart phone or is there a k9 like website that blocks stuff on your phone as well? If so i cant find one. What strategies do u guys use? Like what steps did u take at the beginning to to have better chance of success? My brain is so saturated with dopamene that even though i know full and well that porn is absolutely terrible for me a part of me doesnt wanna take all these steps to get rid of it completely so i cant get to it even if i try (with my friend making a password and blocking it and me giving up my phone.) I mean i totally wanna do what ever it takes and so most of me wants to get rid of it all but like a small part of me. the irrational stupid part wants to keep my porn accessible. how messed up is that? ugh.. i just need to take these steps and fight this fight and clean my toxic brain.
     
  13. @pitazz made it through yet?
     
  14. TheTruthIsHidden

    TheTruthIsHidden Fapstronaut

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    Just remember that with each orgasm you are slowly killing yourself and losing the real you. That was all the information I needed to quit for good
     
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