I have struggled a lot

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by abcguy, Jul 18, 2019.

  1. abcguy

    abcguy Fapstronaut

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    I never had drugs. Never smoked. Didn't had alcohol either. Thought I am far away from any kind of addiction. It was only when I tried to get rid of 'cocktail of porn & masturbation', I understood the meaning of addiction.

    You know it is bad for you. It is against your values, still it pulls you like quicksand. In 2014, I made my first attempt to put a stop to it. I managed without it for 5 months but it pulled me back. Since then I have made several attempt to stop it but after 1 week, 2 weeks or 3 weeks, I again end up on the square-one.

    I have known my trigger: being alone & under stress - that pulls me back in the trap. My stress level has been high from last few weeks & I am alone in my house today. I have been slipping since morning but have managed to resist so far. Once pressed the 'Panic Button' also. I hope this time I will be stronger & will survive this moment of weakness.
     
  2. Kudakwashe

    Kudakwashe Fapstronaut

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    Good luck bro. And welcome to NoFap. Im currently on day 2. Lets do it
     
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  3. abcguy

    abcguy Fapstronaut

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    Thanks, buddy. To have this community for support is very helpful. Your response to my cry, has also been a support in its own way. Btw, I managed to come over my moment of weakness today. Thanks to this community & people like you :)
     
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  4. Fenix Rising

    Fenix Rising Fapstronaut

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    Where do you PMO? In front of computer, phone, tv? I'm asking because there are some easy and very effective trigger solutions:
    1) If it's your phone, exchange your smart phone with old fashioned "stupid" one.
    2) If it's your PC, have a rule that as soon as you open P related website, stand up, pull the PC power cord out and don't turn computer on for the rest of the day (that has been my trigger and solution). If you fail to do that, literally cut the cord or throw recharger away if it's a laptop (you'll have to buy new one each time you PMO and that takes time, effort and money, plus you won't be able to use your computer for a while which is a good thing).
    3) If it's TV, sell it, you don't need it.
    4) If it's magazines, throw them in the trash and do not buy new ones.
     
    Last edited: Jul 18, 2019
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  5. Just like people years who smoked and didn’t realize the health complications from it - they didn’t know it was bad for them.

    It’s not your fault you went down this road but you’re ahead of so many others who have yet to figure out the harm it will cause.

    You say being alone and at home is your trigger. Obviously it is unrealistic to be out of the house and with people 24/7 so I’d suggest trying to figure out what got you addicted in the first place. The people who are able to watch it and not become addicted are able to because they watch it purely for sexual release then don’t use it for a long time after. Those who become addicted use it as a way to escape something. The rush you get from it is not solely for sexual gratification- it’s become a coping mechanism. But for what? Try to find the root cause and you’ll have a much easier time beating this addiction.
     
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  6. clapas

    clapas Fapstronaut

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    Keep in mind the reasons why you want to quit PMO at all times. If those reasons are not powerful enough, then you need to find new/more reasons.
     
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  7. I've been attempting to rid myself of porn for about that length of time too. It started 4 years ago and just like you and i had a few spells of 100+ days where i thought i was definitely in the clear. I said this in a post yesterday but what we resist, persists. We can't run from it or hid we have to face it and change the way we relate to it. Temptation is never going to go away, it's there to test us and temper us, or to lead us deeper into desire and suffering. The choice is ours but i can honestly say sheer willpower is not going to be enough. I am an extremely strong willed person. I have always been very intense and driven. I quit drinking alcohol, quit smoking weed, quit eating meat and after each one of those i felt the benefits and i continue to; and it was nothing in comparison to quitting porn.
    The desire for sexual expression is the strongest and deepest to human nature. It is a tool to ensure the survival of our species and is biologically programmed in us, resisting this is futile. What we have to do is find ways to transform the sexual energy. This works best when the energy is used to create.(exercise can help as well). Meditation works wonders as well. How? When you reach a certain level of stillness inside the mind, without all those thoughts going going going! We have a little more space from our perception of ourselves and our identification with our thoughts. Almost like we are able to "watch" and choose which thoughts to own and act on and which ones to disregard. <This is an entirely foreign concept to the overwhelming amount of people we will come across in our day to day lives, they simply cannot even recognize it- it just goes Thought>act>thought>act. No pause, no reasoning, pure impulsivity.
    The key is not to just lean on our willpower alone but to put other things in porns place that help transform that energy. Hobbies, activities, sports, music, anything that is creative and constructive in your life. Over time porn slowly loses it's importance in the brain as it creates new reward circuits to take porn's place.

    I personally feel like the word addict is abused and too concretely placed into people's psyche. They throw the tag on themselves and leave it there for the rest of their lives. But that's just not the case, the brain is so malleable and adaptive that it's more than a possible to see a porn "addict" ,after having fully recovered for a few years, view a pornographic image and it have little to no effect on him/her. I'm not condoning going back at all, bad move, but what i'm saying is we can heal our minds almost entirely within a relative short amount of time. That's how resilient & incredible the human mind is.
     
    Last edited: Jul 18, 2019
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  8. abcguy

    abcguy Fapstronaut

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    Hi @Fenix Rising , I watch it in my smartphone. But (with my current job) I can't replace it with a old fashioned one. :-(
    Anyway, thanks for help. It does trigger few thoughts & ideas to me.
     
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  9. abcguy

    abcguy Fapstronaut

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    Hi @Empty shell of a girlfriend , I got addicted to it, in order to escape stress. In my lifestyle, stress builds up every week and every saturday I meet with my moment of weakness. I know it from more than an year, still I encounter my moment of weakness :-(

    However, writing on this thread & reading your response + intent to help, does give me strength & motivation to stand bold atleast for the day :)
     
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  10. bigboibez

    bigboibez Fapstronaut

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    leave it in your car. means a lot more effort to get it but you always have it whenever youre out (and cant relapse)
     
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  11. abcguy

    abcguy Fapstronaut

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    Hi @clapas , I remember my reasons very well but once I start slipping, I keep on slipping. Once I start slipping, I can only delay masturbation but can't avoid it. Sometimes, I can delay it by an hour, 4 hours, 12 hours or a day but once I start slipping, I eventually masturbate (with porn).

    This helps me understand that how my slip starts. It happens like this; a kinky thought comes to my mind (like nude dancing, etc.) and then I search for images for that (on my phone), then I look for videos, then I watch a video & then I watch videos from the recommended list. Then I start edging & eventually masturbate. My will grows weaker & weaker as I keep on slipping. I think, I need to stop it when I have relatively max willpower in this situation. I need to let that kinky thought fade away in my mind & make sure I never search for that on my phone. Thanks guys, I have a new resolve tonight. I hope this lasts longer than the previous ones or perhaps forever :)
     
  12. abcguy

    abcguy Fapstronaut

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    Hi @NamaClature14 , I completely agree with you that our brain is quite powerful to do several wonders. But it is a bodypart just like muscles, if we strengthen them they are powerful or else they are weak. To strengthen them we need correct training or else we risk an injury. Same way, idea to use meditation for stillness of mind or hobbies is quite great and perhaps it works for many but somehow my brain is not enough trained for that yet. I encounter my moment of weakness usually when I am tired & stressed, that time I can neither exercise nor can engage in a hobby. I do meditate daily in the morning for 10 - 15 minutes, but I am yet to reach a level where I can achieve the desired level of stillness. Anyway, the next time I start slipping, I would try meditation. Its worth trying. It may work. Thanks, friend. :)
     
  13. abcguy

    abcguy Fapstronaut

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    Hi @bigboibez , Again due to the kind of responsibilities that I have during off hours, I can't leave my phone in car either. But I do have a plan to fight the temptation.
    1) Act before its too late. Don't search for that kinky thought on phone.
    2) If it is hard to resist, then meditate.

    Thanks, guys. Your efforts have helped me come up with a new plan to deal with it. :)
     
  14. You are smart, exactly. You recognize it and it’s ok if you aren’t reaching the levels of stillness yet! There is no one else you need to compare or compete with, not even your old self. The awareness you have to recognize that is enough and even if you gotta start with the small weights(5-10 minutes meditation) you will see improvements guaranteed if you keep at it.
    It took me years man years to be able to get consecutive minutes of stillness. I would sit for 15-25-30 minutes and maybe take away 1 to 3 minutes total of real stillness. That’s just how it goes :)
     
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  15. abcguy

    abcguy Fapstronaut

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    I struggled for 100 days but looks like finally found my balance :)
     

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