Im so miserable. I've tried and tried and tried and i've failed over 200 times since my NoFap journey. I've lost everything, and now I have a chronic pain condition. So every single second of my life has become miserable. PMO is the only thing that can distract me from my chronic pain. I've become so wired to porn, I don't know what to do. I need someone to call. I've literally lost everything and lost so many battles. I am depressed. Never knew I would ever become this depressed. Just 1 year ago I was doing fine, now I am so deep in this dark hole. It has gotten so bad that I would honestly kill myself, if I wasn't scared of death or the afterlife. I discovered porn when I was only 9 years old. It's so much harder to quit when you discover porn at such a young age. Since then I have probably released thousands of times, seen tens of thousands of videos in every single category imaginable. I'm only 20 years old and I have seen a dominatrix, happy ending massage girls, and live sex video calls via skype. If you were to look at me in real life, you would never suspect this nice guy to ever do something like this. And to be honest, what I'm doing is not me. It is a result of excessive porn stimulation and masturbation. I developed ADHD, memory loss, depression, social anxiety, brain fog, unhealthy lifestyles, blunt effect in the face, etc. As a result of this + my chronic pain, I have lost my job and many relationships. I've become a robot, and nothing excites me anymore. I have seen the worst porns in existence. I have seen everything, and I have seen so many graphic images/videos it many leave a mark in my brain forever. Now I only watch the worst porns/fetishes that I am ashamed to even say. I can watch vanilla but it doesn't excite me that much anymore. Please stop, don't become like me. Trust me, if you don't stop it WILL get worse. I am incredibly ashamed and lost. It will probably take years of no PMO for me to recover back to my normal state. So god help me.