I have tried everything and everything has failed. LOST

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by corylife, Dec 28, 2020.

  1. corylife

    corylife Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

    Im so miserable. I've tried and tried and tried and i've failed over 200 times since my NoFap journey. I've lost everything, and now I have a chronic pain condition. So every single second of my life has become miserable. PMO is the only thing that can distract me from my chronic pain. I've become so wired to porn, I don't know what to do. I need someone to call. I've literally lost everything and lost so many battles. I am depressed. Never knew I would ever become this depressed. Just 1 year ago I was doing fine, now I am so deep in this dark hole. It has gotten so bad that I would honestly kill myself, if I wasn't scared of death or the afterlife.

    I discovered porn when I was only 9 years old. It's so much harder to quit when you discover porn at such a young age. Since then I have probably released thousands of times, seen tens of thousands of videos in every single category imaginable. I'm only 20 years old and I have seen a dominatrix, happy ending massage girls, and live sex video calls via skype. If you were to look at me in real life, you would never suspect this nice guy to ever do something like this. And to be honest, what I'm doing is not me. It is a result of excessive porn stimulation and masturbation.

    I developed ADHD, memory loss, depression, social anxiety, brain fog, unhealthy lifestyles, blunt effect in the face, etc. As a result of this + my chronic pain, I have lost my job and many relationships. I've become a robot, and nothing excites me anymore.

    I have seen the worst porns in existence. I have seen everything, and I have seen so many graphic images/videos it many leave a mark in my brain forever. Now I only watch the worst porns/fetishes that I am ashamed to even say. I can watch vanilla but it doesn't excite me that much anymore.

    Please stop, don't become like me. Trust me, if you don't stop it WILL get worse. I am incredibly ashamed and lost. It will probably take years of no PMO for me to recover back to my normal state.

    So god help me.
    Franco777, Marado, yrjyrj and 4 others like this.
  2. fred199405

    fred199405 Fapstronaut

    Hi mate,

    Feel your pain. I have been where you are. There is hope. 12 step recovery. I'm pasting this from a post I made on here earlier today:

    I'm on here because the best way I have found to stay clean and abstinent from addictive sexual behaviours, like porn, is to work a 12 step programme and pass the message on to others who may suffer from the same illness as me. Some of the people on here may be able to stop acting out using the great resources provided by nofap. I can only speak for myself but these are not enough for me.

    The programme of SLAA keeps me clean, it is modelled on Alcoholics Anonymous. I am powerless over pornography and need help from others. I need: contact with a higher power/God of my understanding (does not have to be religious, could be the nofap community), to attend SLAA meetings (can find these on google. There are lots of other 12 step fellowships which could help, like SAA), work the steps with a sponsor, to help others where I can and pass on the message to still suffering addicts. If this resonates then it could help you too.

    It is really simple.

    Message me if you want to ask anything about 12 step recovery.
  3. Theto

    Theto Fapstronaut

    Hi Man,

    there is never too late. Man can overcome bigger problems, e.g. WW2. Right now I'm reading "Wild at Heart" by John Eldgrede. He is saying that God is a great warrior, who can deal with any problem and if man was created as God image, then man is also capable of this. That is his point. You are really smart and equipped by God to figure out how to recover.

    For me recovery is constant searching for ray of hope. I tried many things before I found nofap.com and I'm still searching, developing methods that works for me. However it's personal work to do for every man. Constantly search, develop and be grateful for every small achievement.

    Another thing is returning to basic, fundamentals. This is battle for your life. Better life. You are the most important person in your life. No one will take care of you better than you. Do you love yourself? You should. You are the greatest creation of God. Worth more than new Mercedes. Calm down, focus on improving small aspects of your life and try to enjoy "the process".

    Last thing that came to my mind is commitment to fight about my life. I would demean, beg for help if it would be necessary. I would do anything to recover that how I hate addiction and PMO.

    God bless you!
  4. corylife

    corylife Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

    Do you have to pay for 12 step?

    Thank you. I will always try. im hoping 2021 can give me a reason to start again.
    blacklabel92 likes this.
  5. blacklabel92

    blacklabel92 Fapstronaut

    Most of us started at a young age bro. Id say i started around 9 or 10 like u. This is not a coincidence something is going on here.

    I too am scared of what comes after death. Nothing scares me more than "hell" but unfortunately we gotta accept that one day we are going to die. The sooner the better imo. Just realizing this from reading your post so thank you.

    I don't think uve seen worse than me bro. lol. I have 8 years on you trust me. I have seen things possibly couldn't think of searching up. Not proud of myself just stating the facts.

    Good advice but just know there are hundreds of young men just like you some even worse. Your not as far gone as you think you are broski. Just go outside, get some fresh air, take a deep breathe. Your alive.

    Id say 90 days im 30ish days in feelin better than ive felt in awhile. All from throwing pmo out. You got this! We got this.

    God is with you and so am i. Good luck buddy!
    ALPHAandOMEGA and corylife like this.
  6. fred199405

    fred199405 Fapstronaut

    Completely free mate, it is supported through voluntary donations from its membership. The way 12 steps works is that people stay clean by helping other people stay clean, its simple. If you think you may benefit from it, google SLAA (sex and love addicts anonymous) or SAA (sex addicts anonymous).

    You can find online meetings and attend those (again for completely free). And also you don't have to say anything if you don't want to. Can just listen and see if it is for you. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop using.
    Buddhabro, blacklabel92 and corylife like this.
  7. Trailblazer7

    Trailblazer7 Fapstronaut

    Or Try SA (Sexaholics Anonymous)
    blacklabel92, corylife and fred199405 like this.
  8. flor3334

    flor3334 Fapstronaut

    For the first time ever I passed the 30 day mark. I would advice do everything you can think of and more to overcome this. Implementing good habits is what helped me the most in the end.
    blacklabel92 and ALPHAandOMEGA like this.
  9. corylife

    corylife Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

    preciate this a lot.
    blacklabel92 likes this.
  10. Nothing to add other than we are with you.

    "Focus on the progress not the gap"

    I applaud every one of your attempts, regardless of outcome. The effort is virtue. It is a big step. We don't win every battle. We may win the war.
  11. The Brain The Soul The Self

    The Brain The Soul The Self New Fapstronaut

    hi all my first day on this site & excuse my bad english maybe will get better here as i expect >> i not here to talk about my exp or what i did how i did it or (know how) nothing about me .. a book called "your brain on born" i was read since i interested in brain books. and some link or connection lead me to this site 2 month ago i said my self what can i do then i forgot but i keept it in The subconscious mind. very long intro right?
    iam here for help unlike many of us who had no help but from themself only
    but i say we can provide a road map based on reason and result science& neural and brain practice whole life changing and the most important change the comfort pattern or mode u just strike the comfort if my word is right that 1 of so many technics u have to go all directions but u need time to be brain trained person don't wast time every hour u can improve your realization and your brain strength well i believe i can go further on this intro.
    i going to make a topic will be more reliable
    maybe language will not help me but i want full communicate with you
    so your age now about 20 spend 11 years watching born graphics or what ever i want to know 1-any progress happen ? 2- you made a progress for long time then you failed again because i read a little here and every one believe that it is certain journey of step by step short jumps and progress but your case is different as i think? 3- can you tell what exactly and the arrangement of your sexual habit and the the the time in between? 3- can you tell about the strong point you believe you can start from? 4- you have any habits like sport or some kind of gain brain skills because 3 or 4 strong habits will help us very well and save the time ? 5- can you tell me about 2-3 things motivates you to stop doing all these sexual habits ? answer me if you want in private and i believe we can start what i call a full program based on mind state first
    i really want to help but my way not only human improvement like every day you will get better as long as you wan change it will work but if we add some hours in day on science approved brain practice a whole program of brain concentration on take off all these habits that will help more effectiveness and develop a new brain skills and issues Processing
    answer my questions and keep connected .. thx bro
    hope god Allah help you and all of us
    corylife and blacklabel92 like this.
  12. dig deep

    dig deep Fapstronaut

    Another option is to get rid if your laptop or smart phone even for only 30 days just to give your brain a rest and give you some new hope.
    corylife and blacklabel92 like this.
  13. Daxos

    Daxos Fapstronaut

    I've found that having a cause is very helpful and useful. You need to attach NoFap to a personal goal of yours. I did the same. I serve in the Dutch Royal Army and 1 year ago my form was real shit. It was not what it was supposed to be. I knew from previous streaks that NoFap helped my gains and made me a much better soldier. So I started the goal of becoming a great athlete again, like I was, and NoFap was gonna help me. NoFap now became part of another goal that meant more to me than NoFap. This helped so much that I even forgot about NoFap and the first weeks flew past as I was just focused on training, eating well and reading a lot. NoFap was just a passive catalyst that helped me focus, regain energy and live life better. I didn't even want to fap because it would hinder my training as it would demotivate me, give me brain fog and lower my dopamine. That would be bad for training, so I didn't relapse.

    Maybe this method can work for you?
  14. corylife

    corylife Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

    No motivation to work on a goal. Depression from pmo. im trying to restart again for the new year though.
  15. I just relapsed today after a 9 day streak and completely feel your pain. If there is one thing I can tell you man is that the worse thing to do when you have relapsed is to focus on it. Easier said than done but, it is possible. No matter how hard it may be you can still decide to stop relapsing. If you have been able to resist an urge in the past then you have the capacity to quit porn.
    corylife likes this.
  16. bulldawg1970

    bulldawg1970 Fapstronaut


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