I have very high standards

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by helloo1221, Oct 14, 2021.

  1. helloo1221

    helloo1221 Fapstronaut

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    Hello guys i have lost many oportunities for a relashionship because i have very high standards,i always find something that i dont like in a girl.I think porn has done this to me maybe i want one of these fake bodies and faces that porn shows us,plus i am a virgin so on my first relashionship i want to be with a very beautiful girl.What are your thoughts on that?.I want a relashionship,so i have to low my standards?
     
    Last edited: Oct 14, 2021
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  2. mentorr

    mentorr Fapstronaut

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    If I was a beautiful female seeking to date you, my first question would be: what do you have to offer?

    What are your high standards based on?
     
  3. helloo1221

    helloo1221 Fapstronaut

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    I am not selfish but i have to offer a lot,im a good looking guy more than average,for some reason i want the girl to be very beautiful for me to take action and of course a very good character
     
  4. modern milarepa

    modern milarepa Fapstronaut

    You need to change your standards. Extreme beauty to be the base of you liking a girl will only bring you trouble.

    There is more in a woman than looks, not dating ugly but not only thinking beauty it's all you need.
     
  5. mentorr

    mentorr Fapstronaut

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    But again: what do you have to offer? What does a lot mean? Why do you deserve a beautiful women?

    I think there is nothing wrong with wanting to date a beautiful woman, what man wouldn't. But it sounds as if you might be seeking to date a beautiful woman as a way to justify yourself.

    I think it might help to dig deep and really understand why it means so much to you.
     
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  6. WildEntheology

    WildEntheology Fapstronaut

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    Are you sure you are disqualifying them because they aren't meeting your standards, or are you disqualifying yourself out of anxiety and simply masking it by saying you have high standards? For myself, I always found some reason not to date a girl because in truth I was just too anxious to meet up with her.

    Understand also that it could be both, or some other reason. Never accept your first reason for doing something. Often the reality is a little deeper than that.
     
  7. modern milarepa

    modern milarepa Fapstronaut

    I say you have low standards not high standards because there plenty of beautiful women. You just need to see a plastic surgeon, born beautiful or to work out.

    Finding a loyal girl, with high values, with good management of her emotions and with beauty that is high standards and hard to find.

    "she's so ugly the only thing she has to offer is her beauty"
     
  8. Vargiskald

    Vargiskald Fapstronaut

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  9. helloo1221

    helloo1221 Fapstronaut

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    Thats it,i have never thought like that,i am a little afraid
     
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  10. WildEntheology

    WildEntheology Fapstronaut

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    Absolutely no shame in it. You've just go to push through that and you'll get better and better over time.
     
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  11. helloo1221

    helloo1221 Fapstronaut

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    you are right,i didn't tell it that well,for me the most important thing is her character,i have said no to girls that are beautiful because they had a bad character
     
  12. helloo1221

    helloo1221 Fapstronaut

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    do you think guys i should put so much thought on just a relationship??,as i said before i havent been in a relationship.I want my first one be perfect,i know this is very very wrong
     
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  13. WildEntheology

    WildEntheology Fapstronaut

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    No such thing as a perfect relationship. At it's best, it'll always be two people doing their best to grow together and get better at dealing with inevitable conflicts. If I were you though, I'd do more self-development work before you got into a relationship. It sounds like you've got some anxieties and beliefs that you need to work through before you're ready to work together in a team.

    I highly, highly recommend the book, "Healing the Shame That Binds You," by John Bradshaw. It's got some really good information about dealing with the need to be perfect.
     
  14. modern milarepa

    modern milarepa Fapstronaut

    Date you haven't even date and want to only focus on yourself?

    You learn to skate skating and about girls and relationships while being in one.

    Also dating you learn a lot about yourself, sometimes even more than being alone
     
  15. WildEntheology

    WildEntheology Fapstronaut

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    Yeah I agree with dating around, but getting into a relationship is not a good idea at this stage in his development.
     
  16. modern milarepa

    modern milarepa Fapstronaut

    You sound like his father
     
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  17. WildEntheology

    WildEntheology Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for mentioning this. I want to be clear that he can do whatever he wants. I'm just giving him advice based on what I know about human development. If he likes it he can implement it. If he doesn't then he doesn't have to.
     
  18. mentorr

    mentorr Fapstronaut

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    How old are you?
     
  19. helloo1221

    helloo1221 Fapstronaut

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    i am 21 years old at university
     
  20. helloo1221

    helloo1221 Fapstronaut

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    the problem is that i cant wait months for my development to keep living my life,i have relapsed many many times.I f i go with the logic to be better and then get in a relationship this mught take years if i keep relapsing
     

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