I hope I am welcome here, but my boyfriend needs help and I don’t know what to do.

Sissy Porn.

My boyfriend is in to sissy porn, and that’s not all.

Before we start this, I want to say that I have no intention on leaving my boyfriend. He is the most positive influence in my life, but I’m truly scared for him after learning how dangerous sissy porn and the lifestyle that comes with it is. I don’t now know what to do. I have no idea what I should be doing to help him or support him. Sometimes, he tells me that he hates that he likes this. That he hates himself. Other times, he tells me he loves it.

Before I begin, this post mag be VERY triggering. I’m sorry for that.

He told me his story about a year ago. He had a girlfriend— we’ll call her Sue —that slowly brought him into this world. First, a finger. Then, a little further; toys, a funny little kink she was hiding, etc. Then, she added on the layers— I’m not sure of the order. Panties, trans porn, strapons, Gay porn, asking to have threesomes with men (that never happened), feminization, all leading up to full on sissy hypno. She was truly a monster. She took pleasure out of systematically braking him, and bragged about how she loved to do it to boyfriends. She used illegal methods to alter his state of mind, but I don’t have to tell you guys that. I’m not a violent person. I’ve never committed a crime.

If I had the chance, I’d kill this woman. Maybe I wouldn’t. I don’t know. But I’ve never felt that way about anyone before.

Anyway, they broke up, obviously. I don’t know what happened in the time in between her and me, but I’m not sure he ever truly shook the habit. He’s deep down the tumblr rabbit hole. He’s trolled chatrooms and message boards. He, doing one of the hardest things he’s every done in his life, told me all of this. He expressed his need for it, and hoped I would be on board with trying to experiment with him. Strapons, and eventually, the entire sissy/mistress thing. I’m not vanilla, but I couldn’t help but feel like there was something dangerous about what it all was, especially after hearing him talk about his his ex did it. Still, I’m a supportive girlfriend, so I tried.

His insecurity about it is what led us to where we are now. He felt like I wasn’t into it, interested, or liked it at all. How could I, he thought. He felt, and still feels, a thick layer of shame about the entire idea of sissydom, and he stared talking to a mistress on Snapchat. He sent her pictures, talked to her, got his fix elsewhere. When I found out, we had another long talk. In a way, I somehow understood. I felt hurt, and cheated on, but something just told me that this wasn’t about me at all. This was— it still is —something way deeper. Since I’m here, I obviously didn’t leave him. I love him. I’m trying to support him, but I don’t know how to do it.

I saw a sissy recovery group on reddit ironically when I was looking for a support group to help accept a significant other’s kinks. Funny, huh? After reading story after story, they all started to sound the same; vulnerable, impressionable, and manipulated. I saw how dangerous sissydom was, and how horrible and damaging the hypno was. I was terrified. I’m still terrified, and I don’t know what to do.

So I told him about it. I told him, “I support you no matter what. We’re in this together, but did you know there’s a way to recover?” I asked him to hear me out and keep an open mind.

He isn’t ready to give it up. He feels like he just convinced me to explore with him.

I don’t even know what to say after that. Someone, please help me help him. I know, I know. You can’t help someone that doesn’t want it. But how can I stand by if what happened to him is truly damaging? It would be one thing if he did it on his own... but someone used techniques designed to break him down and reprogram him to hurt him. He feels like this is truly who he is and being a sissy is a part of him, and I don’t know if that’s true or not. What do I do? What CAN I do. I love my boyfriend. I’m going to marry him. I just don’t want to hurt him by supporting something that I maybe shouldn’t be. Someone, please help me out here.


Edit:
A little background. I’m 28, and my boyfriend and I have been living together for a year now. We’ve known each other for the longest time; since we were children.

 

Thank you. I appreciate you guiding me to the right place

 

This is the very beginning of the journey for me, and his own personal one hasn’t even started yet. We’re not in therapy. He doesn’t have an account. He doesn’t seem to think anything is wrong, and he feels like he can’t go back. Not fully. He feels like being traditional once in a blue moon, but he said the feeling is rare.

I tried to bring it up today after posting this. I said, “I need to make sure that this isn’t dangerous for you. I’ve been reading online and it’s says everywhere how damaging sissy hypno can be. I just don’t want to hurt you.”

He told me to stay off the internet.

I’m at a loss, dude.

 

Like I’m afraid that if I participate, that I’ll just be hurting him further but if I don’t I’ll just lose him completely.

 

That felt like the easiest part for me, and I couldn’t say why. Maybe because this is something he’s expressed guilt and a bit of hate for in occasion too. I just... I know he didn’t chose it. Someone conditioned him, and that just feels so wrong.

 

I appreciate your advice so much. Honestly, this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It’s not that my life has been easy, it’s just... I’ve never had something like this happen to me or someone I love before. This is next level shit. Hypnosis. Grooming. Conditioning. I don’t know how to battle that without him turning on me.

 

He’s not quite restricting me as he’s just trying to see me not so upset. He doesn’t want all of the information to stress me out or overwhelm me.

I’ll definitely send her a message. I guess my main fear is that if I don’t indulge him a little, it’ll ruin our relationship. I don’t want to feed this if it’ll hurt him further, but I don’t want him to seek things elsewhere either. How do I deal with someone that’s been conditioned to think there’s nothing wrong with him?