I hope this will make me stronger

Hello Guys,
I am a 31 yo engineer from Hungary. I really don't see myself masculin, because I am extremely thin weighting only 50kg (110lbs) which is an inherited feature of myself. In high school and university I tried to date girls but I got rejected from all my loves. A got addicted to P and M in my late teens. I could find a girlfriend 7 years ago who loves me and I am marrying her this year, but I am still addicted and use P and M almost every day when I am alone. I did not dare to tell her my addiction as I am afraid I would lose her. I am fed up with the time I screw by my addiction, but the power is so high it always stoles the focus from my real goals. I am also fantasizing my GF being or doing things like in P which I know is an unrealistic expectation. I often feel unsatisfied even after several O, and finally I feel ashamed.