I imagine my girlfriend having sex with others

I can't say I have any experience with those particular thoughts, but I'd say it would probably be a great idea to get in to talk with a CSAT.

 

A CSAT is a sex addiction therapist.

 

I have the same thoughts. I could write a book about all the reasons why I think I have thoughts of my gf having sex with other men but, for brevity, I'll say it was was porn and masturbation. Many on here have similar inclinations and the gist of the logic is: when we PMO, we have orgasms every day watching other men have sex with women that we find very attractive. Eventually, for some reason, the thought of our gf with another man crosses our minds and WHAM! it starts to light up the same mental pathway. It's really not a big leap to go from men having sex with the porn stars we like to men having sex with the woman we like.

In my case, my girlfriend did have sex with another man (actually this has happened with several past girlfriends) and I coped with that emotional pain by doing what I always did . . . masturbation, fantasy and porn. It wasn't long until the only kind of porn and fantasy that I was interested in were ones that tied into that fantasy.

What has helped?? The only thing that has really helped has been quitting porn and masturbation. Lifting weights helped a little, too. But even now, if my gf mentions some dude more than once in a week my mind starts racing and I get really aroused.

 

Ive had the same thoughts. It makes me sick to even think about someone else having sex with my girlfriend and at the end of the day, it’s not going to happen. As long as you are yourself and you make her feel wanted, what more can you do? She’s yours. But going back to the masturbation, I tried to find porn videos of women who looked fairly similar to my girlfriend. I don’t know how it got to that point, but it did. And that I went through a stage of watch BBC porn and although I masturbated over it, I still felt like shit after it wondering if my girlfriend would go off with a black man with a huge 10” cock.

I could literally picture it, I pictured scenarios in my head and it made me angry. Then my girlfriend would go to a party (we are in a long distance relationship so it gets hard sometimes) and i would be worrying like “is she gonna cheat on me etc etc” and my girlfriend is loyal, innocent and just a lovely person in general so she doesn’t deserve that, it’s not her fault at all, it’s porn fucking up my mind and that’s what it does. I am a really chilled out guy, very loving and I would hate to be a boyfriend that worries or can’t trust their own girlfriend, but that is what porn is doing to me

Ive only just started my recovery and Ive gone from masturbating 2 times a day, 7 days a week, to not masturbating or watching porn at all. At the moment I haven’t had any urges to masturbate, but I know it will get harder.

We are all here for a reason, to better ourselves, improve relationships and just be happy in general.

Always here if you need

 

Yup, a CSAT is a certified sex addiction therapist. And if someone relatively new to all this nofap business hears that, they might think of going to see a CSAT as a bad idea or something for only the EXTREME addicts, but that's not true. I only had a problem with porn, nothing outside that as far as actual women in real life, other than a few emotional yet non-sexual friendships, or getting a little too flirty, and I talk with a CSAT just about every two weeks, and I have found out ALL KINDS of things about myself and how my mind works that I literally never would've known otherwise. My insurance covers the cost and all I pay as a $25 copay for each visit.

Good luck, my friend!

 

Don't worry too much about this 1 incident. Just keep yourself from viewing porn.

 

I had this fantasy for years and years about my wife. There are any numbers of reasons for the fantasy from natural competitiveness of men (who wants to be with someone no one else wants) to natural submissiveness of some, to everything in between. There are articles from sex therapists and scientists, etc.

I feel that in my case, the longer we were married and the less adventuresome my wife became sexually, the more I felt it was 100% me. (I know I at the bare minimum share responsibility) So I starting thinking that if my wife was with another man, she'd become that sexual animal I met years ago. The more I started thinking about it, the more turned on I became. Pretty soon that was my daily fantasy and masturbation and porn fetish. Every day I was on cuckold sites for hours. I was very blessed when a member here messaged me on the site and basically said "you don't have to be here". In the eight days I haven't looked at porn, I've spent a lot of time thinking about the why of my fantasy rather than the what. Frankly, I think if i think about the what I'll be back in a porn room in a heartbeat. I need to take the responsibility of doing my part to make my wife want to be some part of that girl I met. I've wondered how different I became as a person the more I looked at porn, and the more I pictured my wife doing these things with other men. Did I act different towards her? Did I talk to her differently? I can't know for sure, but I can know that I'm trying to focus on her differently and in a much more constructive way for her, for myself, and for our relationship.

 

That might be a porn induced fantasy but also a normal fantasy you have by yourself. I think fantasies releted to sex are not all porn induced, I heard about a guy who had foot fetish even before watching porn.
I will not be so worried, in your heart you know you will never share your girl

 

Appreciate the integrity of people here in sharing these truths.

The way I see it we all have certain fetishes and fantasies. exposure to porn might make us hooked to more shocking stuffs. If you find a particular stuff arousing, it means you have trained yourself to invest in the dopamine hit you get from accessing that fantasy.

The trick here is to analyse if your fantasy/ thoughts are in alignment with your values. If you find that your thoughts is not in alignment with your vision of life, just don't give power to it.

You give power to it when you become anxious or worried or aroused by those thoughts. Just remind yourself that it does not fall into the definition of who you are. Don't water the fantasies that doesn't serve you. Our brain has the ability of neuroplasticity so we can definitely change out attitude and fetishes.

Meditation can really help.

As for me, thanks to porn, I got hooked to e-hyp, mind control shit. But by conscious effort, I was able to dis-empower these thoughts. Such stuff doesn't interest me anymore.

Keep healing

 

I completely agree that fantasies don't have to be related to porn. I believe 100% that sharing fantasies with a partner can be a wonderful thing. The one thing I do feel is that the porn industry, especially on the internet, has allowed people to explore these fetishes and delve deeper and deeper into them. In some of our cases, particularly mine, it gave me a place to overfocus on them. In my case it led to almost an obsession.

 

Have you told your wife about this?

 

No. My wife is not one to discuss sex freely and when I have brought sex up in the past, she seems to feel as if she doesn't make me happy. At this point I usually backtrack because I don't want her to feel that way. It is very cyclical, but I'm trying to improve our overall relationship so that she can feel more open to sharing.

 

I wish you 2 the best of luck

 

If you have a history of anxiety then it could be obsessive compulsive disorder, if that is the case then you would experience the thoughts as intrusive. Intrusive thoughts come over you, rather than something you decide to have of your volition. If it is OCD then you might masturbate to things you do not like to "test" if you like them, even when you know that you do not.