I just need to clean my room...

I kinda need to vent. I'm not looking for any sympathy. Just need to get some things off my chest. Who knows. Maybe a person or two might relate to this.

I need to really clean my room and organize an actual spot to work at my computer. It's been so long since I have done it. And it takes a mental toll on me where my confidence is low and such.

I'll give a prime example. I was literally gone for only 24 hours from home. I was at MEPS (Military Entrance Processing Station). And I was a lot more social and confident in myself. I was in a clean and clutter free environment throughout these long 24 hours. It kinda felt good.

But once I was back home, I fell back right into my old habits. Same goes for when I was on vacation a couple months ago.

I've come over a lot of hardships this year and made some big moves. I know I can do this task of cleaning up my room. But once again it's so difficult for me to just roll up my sleeves and do it.

I leave for a 5-day trip to New York City next month. Maybe I can complete this daunting task beforehand? I don't know. I'm not going to make a promise.

Overall, I really needed to get this off my chest. It's resulting in me being unproductive at times, constantly resetting NoFap, etc. I love how I feel when I'm more social, confident and overall clutter free. But I can't get myself to simply clean my room and my overall environment.