I just need to know im not alone

I've had PIED for at least the last 5 years. I have been working on the 90 day challenge probably the last 2 years. The furthest I've ever gotten was 75 days and today I relapsed at 44. And because of this, I feel like a piece of shit.

I haven't had sex in years so I feel lonely and depressed. Whenever I reach 30 days no pmo I start to feel great again, but I always relapse. I try to be strong but don't know what measures I can take to stop myself from going back. How can I break this endless cycle of stupidity? I know I have to stop, I know it's hurting me but there's always a moment of weakness where I fuck it up.

I guess Im posting this because I need to vent, but also because Im sure there's someone else out there like me who is hurting because of their addiction. All I have to do is nothing, not to act on my urges. You'd think that would be easier