I just realized I was still under the control of s**** hypno

R

regaininglife

Fapstronaut
Hello! Like the topic reads I just realized I was still under the control of s**** hypno. I havent been watching any for a long time. But now I realized that it still affects my unconscious when I masturbate - and I hardly masturbate these days! Wow. What a revelation. Thank you God, and thank you for leading me to this forum.

I thank God like it's the most natural thing. It's not. In fact my path led me to God just a month ago. I don't really want to write about that now because it's a story of its own. Suffice to say it just never made any logical sense to my prior-to-this hypercritical mind, and now I trust in God. Miracles do happen.

I read some instructions here and wow. Thank you everyone who is contributing! Your help really makes a difference - at least for me it does.

I accept I am fighting a war. I have no expectation for how long this war will last but I know I am fighting it for how long it takes. In the past 1.5 months God had shown me in many ways I have the willpower to do it and led me here, now, for a reason. I trust and follow the light and love.

I accepted the mantra "f*** you demon" for any time I notice a trigger. I believe b**** s**** was the most destructive piece I was besieged by and cursed with. But really, years and years of different pieces. (Aside God I also found out about and believe in curses - this hypno shit must be the curse I found out about.) Please let me know if there are better ways to fight the war!

It might be a long war but I am already a veteran. My childhood trauma of emotional neglect has taken decades to overcome. I am yet to remember a single memory of unconditional love I would receive from my mother. Only shame. I hope I will but I have no expectations for that. I gave up all hope when I was a child. All my life was just survival. Nobody to count on to dry my tears. A little child of 6. That has allowed the demons to creep in the cracks. So many cracks. Sometimes I wonder, was there anything left in me besides cracks? How on *EARTH* did I manage to get here, after I was all but buried alive? (Edit: now I remember: by building a very strong ego which I'm now in the process of destroying)

God knows. What a day. Thank you so much for this forum.

My healing journey since 2010 until now
- seeing a psychologist a couple of times (helped me to get therapy)
- stopped drinking (I more or less was drowning myself in alcohol for like 4 years because it was the only way to reach contact with another human)
- a couple years of psychodynamic therapy (helped me to see my mother was poisoning me and cut contact)
- a couple years of gestalt therapy (helped me to notice and feel emotions in my body)
- several years of once a month talk support
- anti anxiety pills (helped me through the worst and still serve as a talisman for safety)
- recent plant medicine experience (opened me to accept God)
- loads and loads and yet more loads of self help and unsuccessful tries at meditation and mindfulness etc (gave me so much understanding of human psyche you have no idea, oh maybe you do on this forum)
- hypnosis treatment last week (probably helped me to fight this demon. Wow)
- I also underwent peer support for transgender people, transitioned from male to female (helped me find genuine happiness and love)

However my gender identity is still unclear at the time of this writing, and I've recently started to wonder more and more if I'm - for the lack of a better word - bigender (as in both a male and a female soul, as in the indigenous cultures). Or maybe I'm male after all! God knows. Feel free to reply with the gender that resonates with you from this post - I accept it with love. Time will tell and I'm just grateful to be here today. Thank you for reading and for any help you might be able to lend/pointers you can share here.

EDIT afterwards: for anyone clumping transgender identities with the hypno bullshit, don't fall in that trap. Your good intentions will destroy people who are, in fact, transgender. Acknowledge the limits of your knowledge to experiences similar to your own, not to those different from you. Class 101 on empathy dismissed.
 
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hey man, you're not alone. There are so many people fighting this scumbag and it's getting worse. Don't worry about your sexual orientation, I'm having the same thing, it's a disgusting fetish from pornography and it gets stronger if you watch hypnosis. Just stay away from this content the effects are starting to wear off, There are many people on the forum who have survived these, I suggest you read them. Stay strong.
 
Thanks. Now that I'm facing the demon it really put up a fight like immediately. Just doing a small workout at home triggered the demon. Came here looking for help, let's see if I can find what works for me. I found out the emergency button did not really work for me because it refers to me as a man and that, too, was a trigger. It's telling me there is no escape but I know there is an escape. What makes it difficult from my past is that I enjoy the thought of no escape. And that's how it tries to draw me back in.

I just have to fight for it. I'm realizing fighting does not mean anger but staying resilient and present in the now. Like mental judo.
 
Thank you, I did read one of them and read the two others now. Unfortunately for me they do not appear to have been through the worst hypno that I mentioned, so I'm looking for more help on that side.
 
I found something that resonates, finally, thank you God.

Live in the present, feel yourself in your body, feel the floor underneath you, and know that you're going to be okay. Take deep breaths and tell yourself as many times as you can that you're here, you're awake, you're not going anywhere, you're yourself, and you're okay. Repeat until this part of your life feels so remote that you forget why you're saying it, then keep saying it anyway. You've got this. I've got this.

https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/sissy-hypno-horror-avoid-one-doctors-struggle.196675/
 
I had a shower today and was really tested. I really really was tested. I pass the test. I will diminish, and go into the West and remain myself.

Galadriel references aside I know I have this. God is on our side. Whatever demons the hypno files got in me, God is infinitely more powerful.

For anyone reading this I do recommend looking into hypnotherapy. The one I did was through zoom so distance hypnosis does work - as we know from our bad hypno experiences.

There is always a way out.
 
regaininglife said:
However my gender identity is still unclear at the time of this writing, and I've recently started to wonder more and more if I'm - for the lack of a better word - bigender (as in both a male and a female soul, as in the indigenous cultures). Or maybe I'm male after all! God knows. Feel free to reply with the gender that resonates with you from this post - I accept it with love. Time will tell and I'm just grateful to be here today. Thank you for reading and for any help you might be able to lend/pointers you can share here.
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Welcome to NoFap!! There are enough of us here to help/chat/think/muse through all of the questions we have. I hope this is a valuable place for you. Copying my friend @Lady Blåhaj who may be a great resource for you! :)
regaininglife said:
EDIT afterwards: for anyone clumping transgender identities with the hypno bullshit, don't fall in that trap. Your good intentions will destroy people who are, in fact, transgender. Acknowledge the limits of your knowledge to experiences similar to your own, not to those different from you.
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YES!!! THIS! Transgender identity, especially in a forum founded on pornography addiction, is NOT best view through a pornography "lens"....yet that is the most likely framework many judge as it is the only framework they are familiar with. There is so much more, so much wonderful aspects. Be open to allow your minds to be changed for the better.

WELCOME!
 
The past two weeks have been an intense exploration of the self. I am still unsure what I will find at the core but I am looking forward to the journey ahead. At times it is terrifying. At times I doubt myself and if I've lost my mind.

However, the damage was already done when I was a child. It is not my fault. It would be wrong to blame myself for what happened. As I wrote in the original post it was due to the intense experience of shame that I never really got to grow past childhood.

Finally, I'm healing. I've managed to reconnect neural pathways that have stored the lived experiences of shame and as a result unstuck images of those shameful events from childhood. I cannot really explain in words what is going on other than perhaps a form of psycho-physical therapy. Look it up. Observing the pains and tightnesses and then finding the right physiotherapy or other body weight exercices for those precise pains is appearing to be the key. I am finding that several minor muscles are incredibly weak and in need of nutrition (both mental and physical) to develop to their form. It is a very meditative process: at times I keep on repeating an extremely little movement that requires an extremely attentive ear for nuance of bodily emotion. I do this in the bed or on the floor for a couple of hours at a time, usually. What helps is having the right background music. I listen to choice mantras and frequency music that I intuitively feel are correct for that moment, movement and bodily emotion.

E.g.
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These have been extremely helpful for me but you will have to do your own work to find your own path (sad but true - however, extremely rewarding when you do start to find your way).

I wonder - how did I learn all of this? The universe is incredible. Absolutely beautiful. Thanks, God, you really are a miracle!
 
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As for my gender process recently I've been playing with the idea of actually being male in my head. It's a fun idea to play with once you get past the initial shame of "what if all this was a mistake?!?!?!"

I have come to believe that everything happens for a reason. You just have to find the reason behind it. Personally, this is an exploration of the masculine and feminine within me. No matter who I find myself to be at my core I know it will be beautiful and that I will find love. There is so much love all around us - we just have to find it within ourselves to see it.

More easily said than done. I have found that there is an incredible force in mantras. NOW I finally understand why people pray. It's incredible! Even in the deepest darkest moments you will find glimpses of hope inside your soul. Maybe you still havent exercised the mental muscle enough to pull yourself together from that situation. Maybe your environment works against you (focus on improving your environment, even the *smallest* things will help). But you will learn it, just like I am learning. Eventually. Ups and downs. Like everything in life.

Right. Back to work (with myself).
 
assasin04 said:
https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?t...0-years-of-p-rn-including-sissy-hypno.241720/
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This is a good source; thank you! It made me realize the grip the hypno still has me. Either the hypno, or probably more likely the childhood shame. I again realized how distorted my face feels like, like wearing a mask with a permanent look on it. If you've ever seen pictures of ancient ritual masks that's one I associate the feeling with.

Another good tip:

But the simple realization that thoughts lead to feelings which in turn lead to acting out, already makes you change your approach. If you catch the thoughts in the first place and identify them as junk that you need to get rid of and NOT examine (a tendency we have whenever a thought is disturbing), you can eliminate most of the urges. No need for a therapist to start applying CBT strategies.

https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/sissy-hypno-i-need-help.279707/page-2
 
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