I just started the reboot

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Apfelstrudel, Jul 17, 2020.

  1. Apfelstrudel

    Apfelstrudel New Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys,

    I'm 20 years old and it's my first time trying Nofap. I actually stopped one week ago watching porn and I want to stop because I feel bad all the time when i do it. I watch porn since i'm 14 or 15 maybe almost daily. But now I got since months a wonderful woman on my side who also knows about my problem. The thing is that I have strong erectile dysfunction that pretty much kills me. And now In hope that it will fix my problem i try Nofap. I'm not sure how long i should do it? Maybe 30 Days or longer? I really don't know if the time is enough to fix my problem. And how do I know when I'm "healed". I am glad that I have people here who are having the same problem and i can talk to.
     
  2. Dalian

    Dalian Fapstronaut

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    I read your post and immediately decided I needed to respond because you and I have very similar stories. I found porn at a young age, it became a habit, later an addiction, and has brought on some strong PIED (porn induced erectile dysfunction) for me as well. I'm 26 now, and have been on the road to recovery for 6 almost 7 years now and honestly, it hasn't been easy. I really think you have to be prepared for that.

    Does your partner know about the true nature of the issues you are facing or does she just know about them on a surface level? One of the mistakes I made early on was not being completely honest with people (and really myself) about my addiction. I was open with my current girlfriend and this is the most rewarding and fulfilling relationship I have had to date. I recognize that I am lucky to have found someone so understanding, but in order to do that, you have to be completely open and honest from the start.

    Answering the "How long should I do this" and "When am I healed" questions are very hard for anyone but yourself. Reading stories and journals on here can help prepare you for what may lie ahead, but you will ultimately need to take the time to understand how your mind and your body reacts to the reboot process yourself. I know that I can never watch porn again because of the grip it had on me while I was using it, and I know that if I start using, even once, it will take over again.

    Finally, I think that seeing a doctor to rule out any non-psychological causes for your ED is an important step in this process as well. ED (porn induced or otherwise) can happen at any age, even though it's more common as you get older. It would be devastating to go through the process of a long reboot only to find that your ED has only mildly improved. I'm still struggling with ED in my current relationship, and it's actually the worst it's been even after an almost 7 month reboot, so now I'm starting to think there may be something else at play here. I'm only now seeing a therapist and a doctor about it, and looking back, I know I should have done so sooner.
     
  3. Apfelstrudel

    Apfelstrudel New Fapstronaut

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    Thank you so much for your answer Dalian,

    And yes, I told my girlfriend everything about my addiction. She just said it is okay for her and she doesn't mind it much and she still loves me, even if i have often problems during sex. Even if I note that she is often hurt because of that. This is really a pain for me. I am now a little afraid that there is no improvement in sight for me. Many say that it got better after 1 to 3 months. Is it possible that I lost the chance after all these years? And i have to wait years or something like that? I don't know what to do if that's really the case. I was with a Doctor but he said I was physically healthy and gave me a couple of pills to keep my erection going. But that didn't always work. I hadn't told him about my addiction by the way. if I haven't had an orgasm for several days, it usually works very well. I really just hope the best
     
  4. Dalian

    Dalian Fapstronaut

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    There's really no way to sugar coat this. It will be difficult and it may not be as fast a recovery as you want, but you have the strength to get through it. You have already done two of the hardest things in my opinion; you have accepted that you have an addiction and you have opened up to someone you love despite the potential for rejection. Ultimately, this has to be about you, though. Speaking from experience, if you are changing for someone else, it's going to be much easier to lay blame and think of ways to justify the destructive behavior.

    I had the same fears as you where I thought that I may never get better. It may be a long road, but you will get better. Even the most extreme cases get better. All you can do is take it one day at a time. And thankfully, you are catching it relatively early. That is a very powerful thing.

    I'm glad you got the doctor visit out of the way early. I was too proud and embarrassed to do so when I was your age. Had you told your doctor about the addiction, he would have likely referred you to a therapist as a treatment option. I've only had one visit with mine so far, so I can't really speak to the effectiveness of therapy, but I know that it is going to be very helpful to discuss this with someone other than my partner. Sometimes relationships are strained because your partner becomes your only source of support. That was certainly the case in my last relationship.
     
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  5. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    It took my husband 4-6 months. Even one slip will effect his ability to have sex. He had pied for 5 years, long term addict, but fortunately he did not grow up with hsi.
     
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  6. Dalian

    Dalian Fapstronaut

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    For clarification, I'm 6-7 years into recovery, but I only recently was able to put the porn behind me. I'm currently on the longest porn free streak I've been on to date, and I won't be breaking it any time soon.

    And don't be discouraged by my relative lack of ED improvement after 6.5 months of being porn free. Everyone is different and there very well could be an unrelated medical reason for my troubles. I'll be able to report back after I see my doctor, but as you can imagine, it's pretty hard/scary to schedule doctor visits right now.
     
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  7. johnsoe

    johnsoe Fapstronaut

    I don’t know man, I abstain for 40 days & was walking with an erection around my gf all the time.
     
    Last edited: Jul 18, 2020
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  8. Dalian

    Dalian Fapstronaut

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    I'm almost 200 days in and no such things are happening, unfortunately. This runs deep for me and I think it's because I started using consistently in early to mid adolescence. Messing with those early developmental years may be why it's such a problem for me.
     
  9. Apfelstrudel

    Apfelstrudel New Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for all your answers guys
    So how it looks it's really very different from person to person. I stopped porn for a week now and honestly don't miss it either.
    Only when I'm bored i want it but don't do it. But how about sex? Can and should I have sex when I am in this phase? Or how long should I wait until I have sex again
     
  10. johnsoe

    johnsoe Fapstronaut

    Fist off I’ll have to say, congrats on that. I can only dream of getting there. I started around 13 or so, now I’m 28, so PMO’ed pretty much for better half of my life. I have a problem with maintaining an erection quality around maximum. Hope that improves for me later down the road.
     
  11. Dannymurphy

    Dannymurphy New Fapstronaut

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