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I keep getting shamed/bullied for being a virgin

Discussion in 'Off-topic Discussion' started by op_jack, Jul 5, 2021.

  1. op_jack

    op_jack Fapstronaut

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    I'm 26 years old. I've always had pretty bad social anxiety, and because of it I've never had anything close to a girlfriend, however I do have about 5 close friends. Whenever I'm just with these friends I usually have a fun night, but whenever we have any sort of thing where there are other people involved it generally goes the same. People inevitably start talking about sex and one of my friends has to let people know that I'm a virgin. After this people have a bit of a laugh and talk about setting me up with one of their friends as a joke (or in the rare occasion they just laugh in my face). After this it always goes the same, any sort of connection with people is gone, people's respect for me is gone, and I don't talk for the rest of the night. I end up going home with my feeling of self-worth being destroyed and me dreading the next weekend for the entire week.

    When I started nofap I had gotten the idea that this shaming thing was kinda in my head and I'm making things worse than they actually are, but it's become apparent it's not, people genuinely don't see me as an equal anymore when they find out I'm a virgin. I don't know how to continue with my (social) life anymore. Everytime this happens I feel crushed for weeks. I'm thinking about moving away to a place where I can completely start over but don't really want to. Any advice for how to deal with this would really help.
     
    Melkhiresa, Mr.Tony and moliver_xxii like this.
  2. gordie

    gordie Fapstronaut

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    You need new friends. I had to change my friend group at 26 for different reasons, but nonetheless sometimes you outgrow your friends.

    I lost my virginity at 19 and I haven't really had a period of my life without sex. I say this to give you the other side of the coin: none of my self-worth has ever come from having sex. Respect from others? Certainly, but never people who, in the long run, ended up mattering.

    I know one guy who hustles sex on the internet, and he's one of the most insecure pieces of garbage I've ever met. He calculates everything about human beings around how much sex they're having, and yet any time a conversation comes up about having a good job, pursuing meaningful goals, etc., he defaults to how he's been persecuted by the world and everything is a privilege of illusion. He has 3 DWIs, herpes, and a "girlfriend" that is at best mildly pretty and totally socially broken herself. Sex means nothing.

    I'm sorry if you've been struggling getting laid, it sucks, especially if you're not doing it for religious reasons. But honestly, dude, sounds like your friends and those who bully you aren't your friends. If you respect yourself, drop them and start over. Also, probably better if you don't bring up your sex life. My girlfriend and I had this discussion the other night, because sometimes my roommate (who is a virgin) will press me about details of my "lays," and I get absolutely nothing out of either bragging or describing to him how my sex life is.

    Best of luck to you, dude. I really hope you find the friends you deserve.
     
  3. Ekhangel

    Ekhangel Fapstronaut

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    Change your social circles. Period.
     
  4. Atticus

    Atticus Fapstronaut

    If people don't respect you for you, fuck them. Find new friends, like the above fellows have said. Plenty of people in the world, friend.
     
  5. Bullies, and people who make fun of you will never respect you, even if you transform into some sort of superhero they'll always make fun of you and demean you. That's because such people themselves don't have any self respect or integrity. The one dude who told you are a virgin, did it so that he won't be the joke of the party and he could belong with the rest of them dimwits. By telling on you, he got a place with the rest. And if you weren't there, chances are someone was gonna rag on him all the evening.

    So like others said, cut these human leeches out of your life. They aren't worth anything.

    -J29
     
  6. op_jack

    op_jack Fapstronaut

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    Appreciate the responses guys. Cutting these people from my life is what I've been thinking about for a long time. The only reason that I haven't is because since I finished school 2 years ago I don't really have any other friends. I'm just not very social and fear I won't get out at all anymore if I cut out my current group of friends... Maybe I'll look for a new hobby where I can meet new people, truth is these experiences have made me scared of (talking to) people in general...
     
  7. BugsBunny555

    BugsBunny555 Fapstronaut

    Was a bit of a late bloomer myself.

    Friends group constantly taunted my about it in high school. Too the point where it was bullying.

    Got rid of them. Never been happier
     
    ReVera III likes this.
  8. Yuh skrt

    Yuh skrt Fapstronaut

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    Get new friends, I just turned 20 and am still a virgin and hell I didnt even have my first kiss until this year. My ex girlfriend didn’t believe I was a virgin but eventually realized, people I meet don’t believe me at first. But none of it matters, theres nothing wrong with waiting. None of my friends clown on me for it even if they aren’t they all respect it. I am very sorry to hear that you have such friends who do. Better to find people who will respect you for who you are and not put you down. Wishing you all the best!
     
    ReVera III likes this.
  9. Mr.Tony

    Mr.Tony Fapstronaut

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    Change your social circle - change what you call friends - ( Mock on me ones and i'll block you from my life, simple as that! )

    Work on yourself, little by little - First identify your problem and start from there, this forums is dedicated for your help! - Good Luck , NOFAP Journey is a good start - Stick around!
     
    amaranth likes this.
  10. Hey man,
    there's a critical point when need to understand if they're good friends or not.
    You can call it "positive stress". As many people know it is the discomfort that can force you to grow.
    So real friends can seem to bully you, but maybe they're just trying(their way, of course they're not psychologist they just do what they feel) to force you to be more social.
    Like making some jokes when they're only with you about it in order to make you act. To open up. Forcing you to go out with them in the most social places and so on.

    That's why, I do NOT consider them as good friends for you.
    This is not positive stress.
    This is a little man shouting "I have no quality to show, so let's diminish someone else in order to appear better of him".

    So my friend, just make your considerations and then make your decision.
    And remember, being a person with no value is worse than being a virgin ;)
     
    amaranth and gordie like this.
  11. let me get this right YOUR CALLING THESE PEOPLE FRIENDS ? you DONT HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THEM AND STOP WASTING YOUR TIME WITH THEM
     
    gordie likes this.
  12. Fuck those friends, they're not friends, plain haters.
     
  13. I'm sorry to say this, but those are not your friends. I had the same type of ,,friends'' in high school and I hate them to this day. I broke any connection with them after I graduated and I'm better alone than with them. At 26 to be in this position, the be made fun of, oh my God. If I was in your place I couldn't endure it anymore and probably would punch one of them for this kind of thing. Your a grown-ass man, stand up for yourself and don't take any insult. I was like you until 18 - 19 when I said that it is enough and I didn't take any insult as a simply ,,joke'' since then.

    The thing is that I build a huge hate towards the people who hurt me in the past, because I would always kept it for myself and never be open about it or tell them to stop with the bs. Now if a person, even a friend, would insult me like that I could not take it nicely as a joke.
     
  14. Rents77

    Rents77 Fapstronaut

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    I would like to jump in with a different perspective here.

    In a social clique, you can often see people picking on one another and with my teammates we can sometimes say mean things to each other, but I love those guys with a passion. Like, one of the last times we played football, I told a friend something like "you can't stop the ball" (not exact quote, but something of the sorts) and he showed me the finger. I love that guy. Ofc, we do spend most of the time being good to each other, but banter isn't that bad.

    If you laugh at yourself and are able to joke about this, it WILL become your shield, I'll guarantee you that.
    Like, next time someone says that, mockingly hold your fingers like a Buddhist and say "I'm saving myself" with a cheeky smile and maybe even have a dig at them being exposed to all sorts of STDs (that follow-up would require a bit more caution cause: A) I don't know how close you are to them and B) it should relate well to their sex life, it won't go well with someone who hasn't had a gf in the last months, for example).

    But yeah, laugh it off, that's my advice to you. No need to change friends, if they see you reacting well to this or turning it around as a joke ("I've been saving myself for your mom" to the guy that says it), it can really up standing in the social circle.
     
    gordie likes this.
  15. Randy Andy

    Randy Andy Fapstronaut

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    I'm really sorry you've been made fun of. I've been made fun of many times over many years and it has hurt.
    What's helped me most with the pain of ridicule had been internal rather than external. I mean changes in my thinking have been much more helpful than changes in my actions and circumstances because those just create new things for people to make fun of. A dog barks, a cat hisess and people ridicule, simple. For example I grew up poorer than some people in my town and got made fun of so I tried buying expensive clothes and following a style that was popular at the time and got made fun of for that :). It's possible that could happen to someone who is a virgin: to get out of that they have sex and then get made fun of for that. Lots of possibilities.
    What's helping me is to forgive the people who made fun of me and then from that internal place change my externals such as not hanging out with people like that. I've gotten very in time with who is more and less likely to do that and while it's helped the changes to my thinking have helped more. Like having a friend I can talk to about my feelings such as "summertime made fun of me and it really hurt.". And a wise friend can help me shift my insides by considering things like "I'm sorry that happened to you, that person is probably hurting inside and I'm sorry they are hiding so much that it made sense to them to make fun of you.". There's a lot of opportunity there to grow
     
  16. Ekhangel

    Ekhangel Fapstronaut

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    By the way, I hope I'll live to see a world where people are ridiculed for being wankers, like in the good ol' times.
     
    Wilde° likes this.
  17. Wilde°

    Wilde° Fapstronaut

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    When did that happen, I wanna live there too..
    But a "dead man" shows it, he don't have to say a word. It's just that us nofappers can sense that stuff easily.
     
  18. Melkhiresa

    Melkhiresa Fapstronaut

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