I keep imaging P scenarios to climax

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Second_chance, Apr 6, 2018.

  1. Second_chance

    Second_chance Fapstronaut

    66
    52
    18
    Hi guys,
    Truth be told im dealing with rebooting for almost a year and a half, all the same time i've been dating my girlfriend. At first i had problems trying to stay hard during sex and then if i manage to do that i could climax, or it would take ages to do it.
    I figure it out it was because of too much pmo, i work very dedicated to avoid doing it although i relapsed so many times, and i have fixed my problems with erections and climaxing, for the first time in my life i can reach the o with a partner.
    The problem is not that, the problem is that i couldnt get rid of pmo, it's horriblie because now i cant climax unless i think p scenarios of my girlfriend. (and more than one im not even included in the action althought im doing it)
    Has anyone had this problem?
    It's really frustrating, i dont know if anyone it's going to understand me, i think im just writing to blow some steam off.
    I believe in NoFap and i want to change but i keep relapsing, and my brain always tries to rationalize me to come back to p. I feel so self defeating man. and that translates to every state of my life, i feel less than everybody, everyone is doing better than me, i cant accomplish anything, im weak, im dishonest with my partner about my addiction, (i think she thinks i dont watch P) so that makes me feel more guilty when i relapse.
    Well whatever, I really apreciate your time if you reach until the end and read me. :')
     
  2. Numb

    Numb Fapstronaut

    355
    822
    93
    First I think you need to open up to your girlfriend and be completely honest about it all. It helps a lot to have that support and I think you will be more successful in your goals. Let her know your struggles. Then stop fantasizing. If you can not O, then just don't. You need to retrain your brain, if you don't O try again later. It may take some time but if you are consistent it will happen. My bf has trouble with DE, but it is getting better as time goes on. It just requires some time and patience.
     
  3. Second_chance

    Second_chance Fapstronaut

    66
    52
    18
    Thank you so much for your answer, yeah the more i think it the more i think it's the right thing to do. I always say you dont want to be with someone who you cant be total honest with, but then i think if i tell her everything is going to change, sex will be ruined, or she's not going to understand and she'll think im a creep and i'll ruin my relationship with her over this. I'm afraid of telling her. I think she sometimes thinks too highly of me and i know i can be that guy, but im scared of disapointing her, im scared of rejection and to everybody knows that i have an "issue" with P.

    PD: i tell you why i think she will not understand, she's a feminist, so if i tell her i watch P, im sure we are over, i dont want that, i really love her and want to be with her.
     
  4. Numb

    Numb Fapstronaut

    355
    822
    93
    I'm a little short on time but just wanted to say. If she will leave over this and you don't tell her and you stay together is the relationship 'real'. You should be with someone who can accept you, all of you good and bad. If she leaves over this maybe it is for the best. I know that it is a hard thing to accept.
     
  5. slumdog1991

    slumdog1991 Fapstronaut

    15
    6
    3
    In my experience, communicating about your reboot to your partner is eternally beneficial - but the clean-coming will hurt.

    For me there wasn't one big conversation where I revealed everything that was going on to my SO. It took time. This wasn't necessarily because I was reluctant to tell her but because I was uncomfortable in talking about such a personal side of myself. Therefore it took a few conversations and communications over weeks and months to clarify my past behaviour and my present attempts to stop that.

    It was well worth it though. My SO has been very understanding (even though she'll never completely understand). She supports me in what I'm doing and in being able to communicate to her about sex my reboot has completely revolutionised our sex lives.

    Just to be clear again, it's NOT always easy to talk together about sex - I don't think this is our fault so much as the society we find ourselves in. It is worth pushing yourself to do though.

    I have experienced this. During my first reboot in soft mode, I found myself visualising all kinds of crazy things during sex. I was visualising a lot of porn scenarios and like you, these included my girlfriend. In some ways this showed me my progress - the fact that I had switched from visualising pornstars in the past to now visualising my girlfriend. It did seem strange and unhealthy though. My behaviour at this time seemed to partly replicate the addictive behaviour I was seeking to move away from. That's to say I was arranging sex dates with my girlfriend by text in a way that was unhealthy. I was pleased that we were having regular, more experimental sex but I would notice that I was always desperate to go again within 2 or 3 days. If we agreed to have it at 9pm and my girlfriend didn't look close to be ready at 8pm I would go into this sort of mental meltdown! It was very much like Gollum with his ring.

    After continuing this way for weeks I came to the realisation that I had simply transferred my compulsive need to orgasm from masturbation to sex and it wasn't at all healthy. I decided to complete that reboot and follow it with a reboot in hard mode. I'm 2 weeks away from this completing this hard mode reboot and feel that it has been very successful. It has given me time to get away from porn, sex and masturbation physically and mentally. Don't get me wrong, I have been thinking about my next orgasm a lot but the past 3 months has allowed me to grow and understand my previous behaviour. In 2 weeks my challenge of total abstinence will change to a challenge of fitting sex into my life in a healthy way. I know this won't be straight forward but I feel more and more prepared for it.

    Regarding your porn fantasies, I would really recommend trying a hard mode reboot just to give you that mental break from porn before you start orgasming with your SO. The 90 day period should allow you breathing room and enable you to separate the porny aspect of orgasm with actual sex. During that time I would also suggest spending time being intimate with your partner. For me this has meant spending 20 minutes together naked in bed just feeling each other's bodies. Acting out this process has really helped me to learn to be comfortable with my girlfriend physically, it does take work though. I expect these sessions will be put to great use once we do start to have sex again because they are a wonderful way to warm up with each other and just get into a relaxed place together.

    Good luck!
     
  6. Have a glance at the book linked in my signature. Remember that you know your relationship better than anyone else. I doubt that any partners in a relationship tell their other every single thing that's in their heads.

    PMO is an addiction. This is a fact. If she's not going to see that truth, and it will ruin your relationship, then you should think that through carefully. The Book actually suggests not telling people about it. The idea is to become someone who doesn't PMO and who doesn't have that image of themselves.

    This advice is purely from the perspective of the best strategy to give up PMO, which is the purpose of this site.
     
  7. Second_chance

    Second_chance Fapstronaut

    66
    52
    18
    Thank you so much, for your telling me your story, yes I know this isnt a easy talk, literally i think it's the most private and intimate thing i do and nobody knows (except google collecting data) Thank you also for your story it made feel good and more confidence.
    Be well!
     
    slumdog1991 likes this.
  8. Second_chance

    Second_chance Fapstronaut

    66
    52
    18
    Of course,

    Thank you for you input, i'll check out that e-book. It's great to have another point of view of my situation. Thank you so much!
     
    Deleted Account likes this.

Share This Page