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Catholic Fapstronauts

I keep relapsing!

For Fapstronauts of the Catholic Christian Faith

  1. Jan 3, 2021 #1
    JosefN

    JosefN Fapstronaut

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    My Journal
    This is just awful. I must be really deep down now...

    Today I fell again. I think this is the 6th or 7th time since I failed my 96 day streak just a week before Christmas. Feeling so bad about it...

    Trying to find explanations:
    Is it because I’m not busy enough? I eat bad, to much sugar during the Christmas season, a lot of carbs, no exercise, bad prayer life, no Church because of Covid-19, going to bed late, sleeping to much in the mornings because the children are home from school? No existing sex life with wife because of baby and wife who are not happy about her ”post pregnant body”? (In fact: 15th of January it is ONE YEAR since last time we had sex!)

    I feel like I have given it up! Making excuses: ”There is no Church anyway”, ”I don’t need to make my confession, because there are no public masses”...

    I even plan what to say to the priest, and the minute after I’m googling for porn. I have no power to resist it!

    Before - when I wasn’t on NoFap - I would never do PMO on sundays or during Christmas/holy days (probably because I did it almost every other day). But now: I don’t even care!! I just want it so badly!!

    Why am I doing this? I feel shit!

    I want to stop. I don’t want to be back in this hell. I don’t want to look at porn, and certainly not this kind of porn that isn’t me! Why haven’t I freed myself from this gay shit? Some months ago I didn’t question myself, because I knew that it was just porninduced and my brain tricking me. But now?
     
    JosefN, Jan 3, 2021
    JosefN, Jan 3, 2021
    #1
  2. Jan 5, 2021 #2
    IWant2Quit2

    IWant2Quit2 Fapstronaut

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    Here's some advice I was given when I was feeling the same way you are feeling. This advise came from HelpMe81, a fellow member of this group. This helped me greatly.

    Don't fall into despair brother, that is what the enemy wants you to do. You are a child of God and he loves you more than you could ever love yourself. Expect to fall and trust in the mercy of our Lord. Try not to think that it has been X number of days or months and now I have fallen again, how can I be worthy of our Lord.... but rather what a battle I have fought! X number of minutes/days/years but alas I have fallen to this sin, time to fight again! Remember that we can do nothing without the grace of God, that includes staying free of sin. Temptation is meant to strengthen us for future battle and to fulfill God's Will in our lives. Falling and repentance is okay and expected as we are sinners.....remember, "how many times must I forgive?"....
    Matthew 18:22
    "Jesus saith to him: I say not to thee, till seven times; but till seventy times seven times."
    ...aka forever...
    God Bless, I will pray for you...have courage :)


    Find a way to get to confession as soon as you are able. Never underestimate the depth of God's mercy. Saint Faustina writes the following revelation she received from Jesus regarding Divine Mercy of God..."I desire trust from my Creatures. Encourage souls to place great trust in My fathomless mercy. Let the weak, sinful soul have no fear to approach Me, for even if it had more sins than there are grains of sand in the world, all would be drowned in the unmeasurable depths of My mercy." (pgs 399-400, Diary of Saint Maria Faustina Kowalska)

    God Bless you and I will pray for you.
     
    IWant2Quit2, Jan 5, 2021
    IWant2Quit2, Jan 5, 2021
    #2
    Knighthawk likes this.

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