I know I am addicted

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Robinthehood, Oct 17, 2021.

  1. Robinthehood

    Robinthehood Fapstronaut

    I need to do something new, what I am doing is not working. I can't spend any time at home on my own because every time I have taken a day off work I have relapsed. So I just have to work every day. I want the feeling of 500 days no pmo, what must that feel like? To know I am out of the cycle. I know it isnt about the pmo but EVERYTHING else. The systems I have in place to reduce the chance of relapse. I cannot rely on my will power, I just give in. My point of view changes and porn seems like a great idea, I am fighting against myself. And it takes up so much energy and time when im abstaining, always on here, always thinking about it or trying not to think about it. I am fucking sick of it. I have posters on my walls that ive made to remind of the damaging effects of porn but they lose all meaning in the moment. My brain just shuts off. That craving turns on, if I resist or turn away from it it feels so hard, uncomfortable, like its all I will have in my mind for the next hour. Feeling like im missing out on the most amazing experiences if I dont look at porn right now. AND IT LEADS NOWHERE, I am starting to worry about myself, how am I that uncontrolled? While I abstain im aware of all the benefits, after 2 to 3 days i start to feel them, then im thinking about upcoming events that I really want to be 'clean' for, to have at least a few weeks no pmo under my belt when i get there. Then I relapse and Im rushing through the next few days to feel im away from my last pmo, then start to feel clean and clear headed. Then back again. I literally need to get rid of my internet or to have someone watching me all the time. Im a fucking monkey in a cage going from one end to the other hoping for a different view each time.
     
  2. A Naija boy

    A Naija boy Fapstronaut

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    Don’t think so bro. I know how you feel. I was once like that. Best thing to do is to believe you can do it yourself. Porn has never done good for you, and it never will.
    just have that intent to break this addiction of yours, remove all sources of P in ur mind and environment, and watch you self mature and recover!!
     
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  3. A Naija boy

    A Naija boy Fapstronaut

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    Try getting new positive habits while you do Nofap. Working out, reading a book, playing a sport, etc…
     
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  4. ANewFocus

    ANewFocus Fapstronaut

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    I have been battling the same instantaneous urge and relapse. I have had some success the last few weeks by being intensely aware of my feelings moment to moment. Many times I’m feeling bored or anxious before the thought comes. I need to feel those and then go out myself in a place or activity where I can’t or won’t act out. I also act out on certain days and times and I need to be mindful of those situations and plan alternate activities.
     
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  5. WelcomeToReality

    WelcomeToReality Fapstronaut

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    You are correct, there is scientific proof that we have limited daily will power. So you need to use it smart.
    Look what you telling yourself, you calling yourself monkey. Do you understand that it's only your mind does that? You have distant your self from your mind, consciousness it's not your mind, you need to raise your consciousness
    to the level that you can spot your mind telling you ideas about world and you can reply to your mind from your consciousness that this idea is not truth. If you are consciousness enough you can hear your mind screaming "I need watch porn!", you can ask "why you think you need to watch it". And start conversation and make it as long as you feel you need so.
    And until you find out that you don't, or maybe you find out that you need to watch, just try and see what happens.
     
  6. Robinthehood

    Robinthehood Fapstronaut

    Thank you for your replies.
    All the best everybody.
     
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  7. PegasusKid

    PegasusKid Fapstronaut

    Its a frustrating and back and forth journey for sure. I think the best thing is to keep trying different strategies, try focusing more on building the life you want and less on simply not fapping(sometimes this can help people a lot, or it can make them lose focus but i think you might as well try). Eventually you'll start finding that certain things help more than others.
     
  8. ElderStatesman

    ElderStatesman Fapstronaut

    I’m not much of an expert at anything (except relapsing). There’s all kinds of ways to go at this. Not to over-simplify, but when I’m feeling stuck I get on here and read and write stuff.

    Wish I had better answers for you, dude, but prefer to be honest. We’re in this together, though, so you’re not alone.

    One day at a time.
     
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  9. Robinthehood

    Robinthehood Fapstronaut

    I bought some new coffee today and some 85 percent chocolate, I was flying all day, thats my new method - buzz my way through the week on a caffeine high. Fapping is definitely not on the agenda when im buzzing like that, too many other things to do.
     
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  10. JoeinMD

    JoeinMD Fapstronaut

    What do the posters show? Have they worked?

    .
     
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  11. Robinthehood

    Robinthehood Fapstronaut

    Haha kind of. They are a list of all the negatives of pmo i can think of. As a day to day thing to see, they are good, but as I said in my op in the moment when the shit was hitting the fan I just looked at them and they meant zero to me. Relapsed.
     
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  12. JoeinMD

    JoeinMD Fapstronaut

    I think you need new posters, then.
    .
     
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  13. Robinthehood

    Robinthehood Fapstronaut

    Any ideas?
     
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  14. JoeinMD

    JoeinMD Fapstronaut

    Just no pin-ups, you dog.

    .
     
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  15. Robinthehood

    Robinthehood Fapstronaut

    HA!
     
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  16. Buddhism Is True

    Buddhism Is True Fapstronaut

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    I sympathize. You are making the same mistake I was before I finally got traction. You are trying not to look at porn instead of trying to improve your lot in life. How many hours do you spend in the gym each week? What are your hobbies (physical skills, reading and video games doesn’t count)? What does your social life look like?

    Your life is a garden. You are obsessively ripping at the weeds of porn and in so doing spreading their seeds. Start spending more time in other parts of the garden planting different seeds and tending to different growths. Start exercising a lot. Take hour long classes with an instructor and other people and then go lift on your own. Put the effort in to finding a better job if you aren’t happy with your current one. Buy a guitar and spend a lot of time learning how to play. Go take an art or sculpture class of some kind and spend a lot of time doing that. In short, find better ways to spend your time. Work on turning your life into a life you want to live and stop working on quitting porn. Let freedom from porn be a byproduct of other changes that you make. Let those weeds die on their own.

    I am not saying you won’t ever look at porn again if you take this approach. I am saying you will look at porn less if you find other things to do that you like doing. And given enough time and effort invested into doing other things you want to do you are more likely to position yourself such that you put porn behind you for good.
     
    Last edited: Oct 26, 2021
  17. Robinthehood

    Robinthehood Fapstronaut

    I do feel the goodness out there. The omnipresent fears I have when pmo is a common event seem to be fading away. Feeling a lot of energy today, I feel like I'm being a better partner to my gf, I'm more interested in what she says, and I feel more connection to my self. More true, fresh feeling, clean.


    I'd love to do that, it's been on my 'want' list for a few years. Getting in to heavy deadlifts would be amazing. I build stonewalls for a living and I am always conscious of lifting properly, I like the idea of building up the weight on the bar and getting measurably stronger.
     
  18. Buddhism Is True

    Buddhism Is True Fapstronaut

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    Then get started.
     

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