I lasted two days in my first job

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by BigBadWolf_27, Nov 18, 2021.

  1. BigBadWolf_27

    BigBadWolf_27 Fapstronaut

    Everything started out great. Five months of total abstinence, driving license in my pocket, confidence is sky-rocking, eye contact with girls happens around every corner... I felt like a winner. I thought to myself - "This is it boy, go for it."

    I heard about some company near my hoemtown which was dealing with repairs of railway wagons. I was thinking about this job for a long time. Of course I was a little bit worried if I could handle it. Optimism blinded me.

    I just applied for it and to be honest... I enjoyed the "waiting time." You know what it's like - you are not getting the job yet, but still you're feeling good about yourself just because you're in the middle of the proccess. "So now I will conquer the world."

    I get the job because the company was pretty much desperate to employ as much people as possible. They didn't really care about my experience and the fact that I just finished my education. They wanted me in the electricity department.

    I started thinking about that precious everyday routine, gaining money and finally becoming independent. First day at my new job and... I was brought down to the floor. They gave me some work clothes and I was introduced to the crew. Instantly I felt like an F.N.G.

    "What the f*uck are you doing here boy?", "His mother just told him to find a job", "What the hell do you think you're doing?" And so on...

    As an shy and socially anxious guy I felt bad, really bad in that environment. And the job itself was... purely physical. It was about tinkering and fixing stuff with tools... I hated that kind of work since my teenage years and doing it with my father. At one point I thought - "Yeah man, what the hell are you actually doing here?" It just wasn't my world. I felt like an dirty, homeless and scared dog in an unknown town.

    I should have create some realistic expectations before actually starting something like this. At first day I wasn't really doing anything in particular. On the second day though, I woke up at four in the morning, took a cold shower and went for a sweet ride in the darkness to my work place. "You got this, just keep going."

    I entered the workshop and bunch of guys looked at me. I felt the spotlight effect right away. They kept talking about dirty things, how much of the alcohol they drunk at the weekend... Swearing all the way, making fun of the me along the lines and so on... Again, I felt like an alien. The job itself wasn't that hard or demanding. They saw that I'm an complete amateur in terms of that and they wanted to teach me things from the basics. I'm grateful for that opportunity, don't get me wrong. I may sound like and lazy teenager who's trying to avoid the job but it's not entirely true. That occupation made me yawn all the way of the eight hours working time. It wasn't interesting, I knew that it would just tire me to death. Huge anxiety was a different reason.

    Next day, paralyzed by fear I stepped out to the main office and told that I want to submit my resignation. I feel like a coward now. I don't know what to do next in my life. I made a huge progress, but I'm still not mature enough to start some things... It was a huge challenge for me. It may sound silly, but I'm the type of guy who was too anxious to get out of the house at the start of this journey. I became obsessed about self-improvement at certain point. Now when I've quit I feel like a complete failure. I feel embarassed and humiliated. They all probably laughed about me back in there. My family also probably think that I'm a loser. I don't know if I will ever find myself in any kind of job, maybe I'm just a milksop...
    wicket and silex_jedi like this.
  2. Grovald

    Grovald Fapstronaut

    I can't say much about all you said, but I have to say this to you.
    Try not be so hard on yourself. This is not a good thing to have, everytime you think you committed a mistake. I know because it makes me miserable and didn't helped me at all. Trust me, you don't wanna start to think you don't deserve anything good in life, like me. Avoid this mindset.
    Just remember that we are always learning. Take this experience just as it is, a lesson learned.
    And my best wishes for you to overcome the anxiety.
    Take care.
    BigBadWolf_27 likes this.
  3. Coolbreeze

    Coolbreeze Fapstronaut

    Here is how I see what you did. You are on an exploratory journey for yourself and stepped out of your comfort zone. You have been very successful with many things in life so far and this is not a failure, but rather a moment of reflection to consider what you enjoy and what you do not enjoy. The fact that you are not suited for one job does not mean you are a coward. The key takeaway is to keep searching and find what you enjoy, then you will feel happy and good.
  4. Rival1

    Rival1 Fapstronaut

    Where are you from OP ?

    Remember that you don't have to work in one place to the end of your life. I know a guy who has changed his job 6 times in a month because he run into toxic people, he told me "If I have to spend 1/3 of my life in a job, it is crucial to find a job with normal people, I don't want to waste my time, energy and mental health working with toxic people." Send an application to next company, if you also find there toxic people, just quit and try to find another job, to the moment you find a normal job with normal coworkers even if it would last half a year.
    Last edited: Nov 19, 2021
    BigBadWolf_27 likes this.
  5. Archangel VIII

    Archangel VIII Fapstronaut

    You're not a coward, you did the right thing. What would a brave person do? Stay there and take their shit? Try and earn the respect of a bunch of jerk offs? No, the brave guy would've just left too. Working with assholes can make even the best jobs in the world suck. Try to find a job where you'll be respected - even try to get educated or qualified if you have to. The kind of jobs that hire any asshole are full of just that - assholes.

    This is kind of similar to when my uncle left his job as a highway patrol officer on his first day because his task was to compete with other troopers to book as many people as possible by any means necessary. Is he a coward? No, he left because they were all a bunch of assholes.
    Last edited: Nov 19, 2021
    BigBadWolf_27 likes this.
  6. hollyman

    hollyman Fapstronaut

    I think you made a good decision tho

    Toxic environment just bad man, u will.cope with the work some day but there are high possibilities that u will have the same attitude and activities as the coworker

    Like my friend is working at the financial instituion, their friend is so toxic like party everyday spend money caressly , adultry, smoke cigaretess,,, she was a fine lady before but after worked there i completly didnt recognize her , like she became as toxic as her friends, she just blend it completly
    BigBadWolf_27 likes this.
  7. MindfulWarrior

    MindfulWarrior Fapstronaut

    It depends what you're willing to sacrifice for your job, if you want to sacrifice your mental health and be able to think of yourself that it somehow makes you a man and strong person like most people, go for it, otherwise find something you love.
    BigBadWolf_27 likes this.
  8. First: you have my respect for stepping out into that job.
    That needs courage. I know exactly how difficult things can be, especially for a pmo addict.
    This is just difficult!
    It seems you don't have a family to support you or friends. That makes it even harder.
    You have my respect for that, because you did it!

    Second: you have my respect for leaving that crap place.
    I 've been on such places where people treat each other like shit. I know how it feels when all the eyes are focused on you. The awkwardness, the shyness, not knowing what to say or how to defend yourself.
    If you don't feel welcome on a work place, it's the wrong place to be.

    You made a little step. Now sit back, and overthink this steps.
    Porn never makes you happy, remember that.
    Life is what you make of it, and with Gods help, everything is possible.
    Try to find out what you want. Maybe you can start with an easy job where you didn't have to deal with collegues.
    Riding a truck or taxi, or cleaning work. It doesn't matter. Once you find a right thing, all kind of doors can be opened for you.

    As an engineer I did cleaning work at peoples homes. I was mail deliverer, I worked in a repair workplace (was very toxic as well) and after another 10 jobs, I finally started my own business, and that 's running for the last 3 years.

    But at all cost, don't use porn as a way to reconcile yourself.
  9. BigBadWolf_27

    BigBadWolf_27 Fapstronaut

    Thank you for kind and comforting reply. After a few days I feel better. And you know what? It all happened for a reason. I don't regret going out there and trying. Maybe I reacted a little bit too quick and emotionally, it was a huge step outside of my comfort zone. But now I know what it's like to have a job. I was socializing with people and... that interactions were coming naturally. At some point I even felt fully comfortable. I learned something about myself and about the world around me. That's all that really matters. I was taking action, and I'm proud of myself... No matter the outcome.
    Riser and Roady like this.
  10. S. Des

    S. Des Fapstronaut

    I'll begin saying that I find your writing style.. refreshing and witty. You seem to take into account the complexity of human experience at almost every sentence and little to no reductionism is something I deeply enjoy when reading any material.

    Your analysis on Optimism is spot on, but I ask you to not throw the baby out with the bath water. There's others besides the naive types of the trait.

    I wish I was just as interested in neuro-chemistry when those symptoms of 'conquering the world' first started to manifest, they brought upon the best 242 days of my life.

    ► The painfully, reorienting lesson I got from indulging too much in self-confidence - after a phase of numbing depression - was that when our body feels a great degree of something, the possibility of overload makes it so it adapts by down-regulating chemical signals or the receptors they bound themselves onto.

    As a similar metaphor, one could up-regulate optimism by redteaming points of potential failure through pessimistic cynicism.
    I'm still very much struggling with that last part, was too scarred by the effects of the lower angels of human nature. Also, make sure to not apply those two in the assessment stage of a situation, clarity is what you're aiming for then.
    Free advice has it's value, I guess...

    Damn, I went on a rant again.
    I'll try staying out of cliches as much as possible.
    I say that in the sense of wanting to distance myself from the, disguised in rationality, positivity that seems to run rampant in the self-improvement culture. Yes, the more you put yourself out there, with the best of intentions - the more doors will open. That much is clear.

    Thing is, if we aren't doing strategy, beginner's luck get us trapped in a loop of illusory sense of progression.
    Further down the road it can also lead to tendencies of engaging too much self-blame in an attempt to be in control when things don't exactly go our way. One day unfairness will make that positive approach crumble below it's weight and such an event poses great danger to the minds that intend good in their social circle - they get bitter.

    That said, any job is worth it's trouble if one is dedicating themselves fully to the endeavor. Specialized medicine sure does wonders, however, if there aren't competent nurses around, the health system gets stagnant rather quickly. It's understandable that you had low-quality experience when dad tried to teach it, he might have done a poor job out of it, it was useless at some point, there were things more important as leaning to do taxes AND it's wise to not let that aspect define the rest of your path.

    Physical labor can engage a wide range of brain activity if we are aware enough of the precision each movement requires. You must have noticed by now that I'm the type of guy that believes the brain doesn't stop at the neck, but spreads all over every nerve, gut and limb.

    Maybe what you need in your next job is to reframe the dislikable aspects as the pianist which hates the footwork required in those trickier parts of a song. It's not about employing all the rightly complicated ingredients, it's about proportionally combining the simpler ones into a higher-order, 3-dimensional product.

    Your family may be right, but that doesn't mean a loser stays frozen in time if they consistently fail. Alongside having learned what not do in the next attempt (this is big because normally people focus on adding the right steps instead of removing momentarily unwise decisions), people now see you as someone that does not get discouraged at the first sight of difficulty. That is extremely valuable to see in young adults which today seem care too much about what their peers would think if they didn't get it perfect every single time.

    One's twenties could be interpreted as some sort of Ritual of Passage as the individual is required to leave the tribe temporarily and be alone in the forest with all it's uncertainty of survival.

    Don't make the mistake of seeking every Spring + Summer and avoiding every Winter + Fall. The seasons of your internal world must be respected.

    Don't underestimate your ability when life throws you a curve ball, flow with it. The storm isn't weathered by resisting it, otherwise what moves the ship - the mast, would soon fall apart. To navigate uncharted seas, one must understand the currents, the skies and most importantly deeply know the intricacies of their own Vessel.


    Taking some bio-chemistry 'classes' wouldn't hurt.
    BigBadWolf_27 likes this.
  11. PatrickBasedman

    PatrickBasedman Fapstronaut

    Sometimes stuff like this doesn't work out. At least you tried right? Better than not trying at all I'd say!
    BigBadWolf_27 likes this.
  12. Riser

    Riser Fapstronaut

    That's the spirit ! :emoji_fire:
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  13. wicket

    wicket Fapstronaut

    You guys are making me feel so brave and powerful thank you
    BigBadWolf_27 and Roady like this.
  14. Was just wondering how it's going with you.
  15. That's exactly why we are here :)
    wicket likes this.
  16. JoeinMD

    JoeinMD Fapstronaut

    A bad work environment with low-life employees is not your fault. I had a similar experience as an adult teen taking a summer job at a bread company. First, summer and working near ovens don't go together. Second, the veteran employees make the newbies do all the difficult tasks even before they were trained, including being the one to bring racks in and out of the oven. Plus, there was sort of a ghetto-like crew, some of whom were nasty, making gestures behind my back to mock me. I decided to quit after two days, but I was also too inexperienced to express why, so I was taken to be as a quitter by the third-shift supervisor who gave me the opportunity. He talked to me abruptly and rudely after that until I had to come back a week later to get my paycheck. Looking back as an adult, I realize there was a lot of dysfunction at that workplace, plus I just didn't fit into the mix of people.
    BigBadWolf_27 likes this.
  17. Coolbreeze

    Coolbreeze Fapstronaut

    I have had some extremely low threshold jobs at well. Consider a slaughterhouse for chickens or McDonald's for instance. It constantly felt extremely hard to integrate there because the general level of intelligence is very low and thus it is evidently hard to converse on your own level with the people working there. It is as if you need to downgrade your mindset in order to be able to have a proper conversation. But I do not think downgrading is the right word, I believe changing is a better one. Their mindset is not by definition worse or better than those of better paying jobs. Although it did feel constantly challenging, I did feel that I was respected because of my work ethic. I am an extremely energetic and workaholic person and I would sweat my ass off most of the time to keep up with workload. I did not mind because it felt good, it was physically demanding work. I have discovered that such a job is not sustainable for the long run since it will literally destroy your body. Especially considering that I had to manually carry 15kg crates non-stop almost the whole day (9 hours). In the end, I quit because the job is not suited for me. I much rather do something where I can use my academic knowledge.
    Rival1 and BigBadWolf_27 like this.
  18. BigBadWolf_27

    BigBadWolf_27 Fapstronaut

    I see myself in this answer... That "downgrading" you were talking about, hard, physical work and aspirations for using your theoretical knowledge rather that physical power... I can empathize with that much.

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