I Learned a Harsh Lesson Today

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by meanbean70, May 13, 2018.

  1. meanbean70

    meanbean70 Fapstronaut

    I have walked home with this girl every week for the whole school semester and we went to movies together and stuff and tonight we went to our last movie together of the year(These were not dates). I always wanted to ask her out, but I never really had the guts to do it. I am one of those classic dudes who is scared to ask out girls. Tonight i thought I would at ask her how she felt about me and if i should have asked her out. No harm in that, right? At least it would tell her how i feel so next semester maybe I could ask her out if she felt the same way. Well the moment came for me to ask her and then it just passed and i didn't do anything. I was too scared. It was truly pathetic. Of course, i instantly regretted it and i probably will regret it for a long time.

    I learned a really hard lesson tonight. I learned that i can't keep letting these moments pass me by. I have to act when it is time to act and be honest with myself and others about how i feel. I feel horrible for not telling her how i feel and i am angry with myself about it. Very angry. The hard part about this is you never know when one of these moments will come and what you should do until its too late. I will try to recognize these and be prepared to act.

    I never thought of myself as a person who lets good things slip through his hands, but this has shown me that i am. I know this is hard thing to master, but does anybody have any tips on how i can learn this other than not be a chicken?
    HipPete likes this.
  2. Grow_out_of_it

    Grow_out_of_it Fapstronaut

    I'm exactly like you. How about sending a text message to her?
  3. meanbean70

    meanbean70 Fapstronaut

    I actually did that now and she said no. hurts a little but i actually feel better honestly. I think i would rather regret doing it than regret not doing it.
    Buddhabro, HipPete, u376 and 2 others like this.
  4. Grow_out_of_it

    Grow_out_of_it Fapstronaut

    I know man. Anyways don't let that get in your way to recovery.
    meanbean70 and LookUp like this.
  5. immadothis

    immadothis Fapstronaut

    I was there, count to 5 and act on 1 and know this, this too shall pass, just observe all your emotions when your counting and then on 1 do it!, that's how I done some if my stuff, but I ddidn't succeed , succeed for me bro , lol
  6. Ilovesemen

    Ilovesemen Fapstronaut

    Hey man this is normal and ok!
    Listen you will never eliminate the fear before asking her out (everyone get scared when they ask girls out if they didn't do it alot)
    understand that in order to deal with fear you must face it ! there is no other way known to deal with fear other then face it!
    Be in the mindset of "no matter what she reply to me the fact that i have the guts and im asking her out is all i need " you are growning and remember that everytime you will face the fear he will leave you. if you will go out today for 30 days and everyday you will ask one girl out no matter who she is i gureente you after this month it will be so much easier to ask girls to go out with you!
    A41:14A and meanbean70 like this.
  7. A41:14A

    A41:14A Fapstronaut

    Life can be full of regret from missed opportunities..

    Don't look back in twenty years and think 'what if...'
  8. SorryWontSayIt

    SorryWontSayIt Fapstronaut

    It is way better to "regret" doing it then not doing it.

    By never doing it you lost without trying. By doing it you actually make it possible to win - and if she says no, you learn from it.

    Now you can also move on, instead of wondering if she likes you or not.
    Hitto likes this.
  9. nomo

    nomo Fapstronaut

    The best thing is you learned the lesson while you are young. I'm still regretting not asking a girl in high school how she felt about me, now I'm 59-years-old! I now know she was waiting for me to ask her out and since I was a "chicken" I never got to experience the intimate relationship with her that I should have had. Today I don't dwell on the past for long, because if I think of all the amazing opportunities that I could have had if only I had the guts to go for it, I would be depressed.

    Fortunately with time and confidence, you will learn not to let opportunities go and you will experience all that this amazing life has to offer. Again, congratulations on figuring this out early in life, you have a bright future ahead of you. FYI - Congratulations on the 67 days.
    A41:14A likes this.
  10. There are some girls who aren't worth bothering with and it's a good thing to be scared of asking them out. There was this one girl I once liked, she had a boyfriend after some time she broke up with him and looking back she was dropping hints that she wanted me to ask her out but I didn't see the hints. But I don't regret not asking her out since it would probably have turned out into a disaster.

    The past is the past, it is what it is. There's no point in regretting it. You may have avoided dating a psychotic person and that's not something to be sad about, in fact, you should celebrate it.
    A41:14A likes this.
  11. meanbean70

    meanbean70 Fapstronaut

    Thanks for the advice. I happen to know that this girl is a good person, but still i don't regret asking her because at least now i know she doesn't feel the same way. I see what you mean sometimes our feelings can get in the way of logic that tells us common sense.
    A41:14A and Deleted Account like this.
  12. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

    Practice doing things that are scary, uncertain, unideal, and uncomfortable.

    In terms of taking a risk on somebody, where does that fear come from? A lack of self worth telling you that you don't deserve her? A lack of confidence that you'll find somebody else if things don't work out? Attached to a specific outcome and not allowing her to have the free will to choose? A fear of pain, problems, tension, and negative experiences? Not meeting enough women on a regular basis?

    The greatest sales people in the world are the ones that get rejected the most. They believe in what they're selling and how it can add value to the lives of others, but they also understand that it's not for everybody. They don't dwell on or fear specific outcomes because they know there's plenty of opportunities if they're willing to continue.

    Get rejected faster so you can find the people that resonate with you. Don't take anything personally. Follow your desires fully without attaching your self worth to any single outcome.

    You have to think in the range of 50 rejections out of 100 tries. Rather than 1 rejection out of 2. The more you try, the more you'll get rejected, but also the more you'll succeed. The less you try, the less you'll get rejected, but also the less you'll succeed. The quality of the pleasure, solutions, and positive experiences that you experience in life depends on your ability to handle the pain, problems, and negative experiences.

    Change your relationship with rejection, failure, and external outcomes.

    It's not wrong to become attached to someone, but you also have to respect that it's their choice whether or not they want to be with you. A lot of people want their desired outcome so badly that they're willing to manipulate and deceive their way to the outcome. Rather than expressing yourself honestly and allowing the other person to choose.
    SorryWontSayIt and A41:14A like this.
  13. meanbean70

    meanbean70 Fapstronaut

    Thanks i actually really needed to hear that. I definitely don't try to manipulate outcomes and i definitely respect people when they don't want to be with me, but sometimes i do take it personally and i see it as a reflection of my self worth. It can be hard to see that there are people you belong with as well as people you don't. Sometimes i believe that i just don't belong with anybody.
    A41:14A likes this.

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