I lost my virginity to a prostitute and feel absolutely miserable

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by wingman01, Mar 18, 2019.

  1. wingman01

    wingman01 New Fapstronaut

    Like the title says, I lost my virginity to a prostitute. I had been thinking about it for a long time and after frequenting a forum dedicated to escorts/prostitutes for some time, I finally decided to message an independent girl. I live in a country where prostitution is not illegal. I want to say that I did not enjoy the experience at all and felt awful the whole time about what I was doing. I was unable to gain an erection or orgasm. The girl was very nice and made me stay over the time payed to talk to me and calm me down. She told me that I wasn't doing anything wrong and that nobody had forced her etc etc. After this encounter I felt somewhat empty and somewhat depressed. I became distant from my friends, so much so that they messaged me asking what was up and if everything was ok.

    After admitting to one of my friends of what I had done, he had the completely opposite reaction of what I expected him to have. Instead of being disappointed in me and calling me a low life, he congratulated me and seemed really proud for the decision I had made. I actually felt happy afterwards and relieved but deep down I still felt absolutely horrible.

    I am a very heavy masturbater and porn consumer. During my day (I am a student living at home) I can easily masturbate to orgasm upwards of 8 times, to the point where I feel absolutely exhausted. I've been doing this almost religiously 10 years. I don't want to do this anymore. After not being able to gain an erection with a very attractive woman, I became a bit scared. It was also the first time I had touched or seen a woman naked (in person) and I felt nothing. No excitement or arousal whatsoever. I knew it had to do with my habits and I want to stop.

    Losing my virginity happened some time ago and I don't feel so bad anymore about doing it with and escort anymore. I have read a lot and seen many documentaries and interviews of sex workers and I feel that morally, it wasn't a bad decision. I will most likely do it again in the future. I only felt bad because of the concept of sex I was raised with. What I really feel bad about is the amount of porn I watch and the times I masturbate. I have become extremely desensitized to sex and am scared that it could hurt future relationships that I will have.

    Thank you for reading. I just wanted to get this off my chest. Cheers.
    NekoArcChaos, Nugget9, jhow47 and 2 others like this.
  2. Judas Johnson

    Judas Johnson Fapstronaut

    You've come to the right place, good luck
  3. Seawolfee

    Seawolfee Fapstronaut

    Once i had such thoughts to do it too... So i Still wait for my first women. Well i think that If u admit you have a problem and start to fight it you are already a winner. Thats Not complete win, but small victory. It will be difficult road, but at the end lies freedom and love. Dont stop! Imagine beeing free and loved by wife. Feel it! And stay strong!
    Judas Johnson likes this.
  4. Flaumann

    Flaumann Fapstronaut

    One step at a time! You're doing the right thing, my friend.

    I'm in!
  5. Welcome, friend. You finally realized it's time to clean up your act. The first step in fixing a problem is realizing there is one. You know what you need to do but you always have the forums here to help you through whatever you need.
  6. de severn

    de severn Moderator Assistant

    You sound exactly like my bf. I don’t think he masturbated 8 times a day but that’s impressive! My bf lost his virginity to a prostitute and he had a handful of prostitute experience afterward. He’s still uncomfortable telling me the full scoop of his past because he grew up without an education and he had family issues on top of being poor. All of what he lacked in his youth made him insecure so he sought PMO and prostitutes because he never had the chance to socialize with peers yet alone girls. It’s a shame too because he’s very sexy and kind.

    Aside from his story, I want to say that you have hope of having normal responses and normal sex performance but you need a partner to feel comfortable getting to know sexually. It took my bf almost a year to stay erect and ejaculate consistently. The first few times he had to jack off to stay erect during sex. Sometimes he didn’t ejaculate but after giving up porn and masturbation / getting more intimate with me, sex became normal over a few months.

    You have hope! Just don’t obsess over yourself because you’ll stay forever anxious. Anxiety kills boners so relax!
    Nugget9 and Flaumann like this.
  7. Sharksvv

    Sharksvv Fapstronaut

    It’s normal to feel this way, but don’t let it stop you from realizing the fact that you can still have a loving sexual relationship with a woman who loves you back.

    Look, even Bryan Cranston (main guy from Breaking Bad) lost his virginity to a prostitute in his youth! He revealed this in a new book. Yes it’s ideal to lose your virginity to someone you love and who loves you back but plenty of people have paid for it their first time so keep your head up and use this as a learning experience.

  8. It feels great to get it off your chest, and noone really judges you including the girl you were with. People inherently want to help. And Judas properly put it - you are in the right place, take action good pluck
  9. Hey Wingman,

    Listen, you haven't done anything wrong or terrible - there are far worse things! I lost my virginity to a prostitute as well - more than 20 years ago now. I also live in a country where it's legal although obviously not encouraged. :)

    I didn't particularly enjoy the experience and didn't orgasm so I was pretty down about the whole thing, but not bad enough that I didn't try again - a few times. I figured that more than anything I needed to practise sex to give me the confidence to date girls and not be in a panic about what might happen if we did get to sex! Eventually, it worked, I had girlfriends and got married.

    After getting divorced I went back to prostitutes and really got hooked on them though. That is another danger! :)

    The availability of sites/forums like you mention, where you can see explicit pictures of the ladies you can meet, descriptions of services, even lengthy reviews by previous "customers" makes it very easy to get hooked. I worked out that I have spent literally tens of thousands of pounds on escorts over the years.

    I also ended up making friends with some of the regulars I often went back to - some of whom are still friends today. I even dated one for 9 months and that taught me a lot about the reality of life for a prostitute.

    So the ethical issues are always something you should at least consider.

    I know now from my own experience and long conversations with escorts and ex-escorts that some women absolutely do get into it because they themselves have sex addictions and prostitution is a way to make some money out of their hobby while feeding their own addiction. They are sadly a very small minority.

    The bottom line is that in many countries women can make more money, much quicker and more easily, by prostitution than they ever can in a "regular" job. So a majority simply do it for the money. Many people do jobs that they don't necessarily enjoy because the money is good, so I think it's easy enough to justify for many as the benefits are significant.

    There are very few jobs readily available to a woman who doesn't have a great education/qualifications where she can work her own hours, be her own boss and earn really good money.

    For an independent escort in my country, simply seeing 1 client per day 5 days a week already puts her well above the average income for a woman. Seeing 2 clients per day just for 5 days puts her in the top 10% of incomes.

    My ex-girlfriend was an immigrant who was living here with her younger sister and supporting them both to go through college and get a degree. She had some health issues which prevented her from holding down a normal full-time job. She didn't feel she had any choice other than to leave this country and go home - and that was something she did not want to do as there were even fewer job opportunities in her own country.

    During her two year stint as an escort, she had been robbed twice, stabbed once, fallen into alcoholism, and become addicted to cocaine as a way to cope. She nearly died of a coke overdose twice. Giving her a way out of that life is something I will always consider to be one of the best things I've ever done. She is now married with a beautiful daughter and very happy.

    But it was a choice she made, and she really needed the money. NOT seeing prostitutes purely because you think that will help them in some way is misguided. Better to be a decent client because rest assured those like you who care about the ladies they see also seem to be in the minority.

    The ultimate cure for the problems of prostitution is a major change in our societies to make them more equal, reduce poverty, and eliminate the wage gap between men and women and make it easier for women to work while supporting children. Support those policies when you vote and you'll be doing them the biggest favour.

    But I honestly believe that we will never completely eliminate prostitution. Some of my regulars had normal day jobs and only saw a few clients per week because it was extra "pocket money" to fund a luxury lifestyle. Ultimately I tended to stick to seeing these girls because it was clearly a personal choice for them and not a necessity.

    Of course, these days trafficking is a bigger ethical question - again it's not always easy to know but the cheaper girls especially immigrants are more likely to be trafficked than local girls who tend to be more expensive. At the end of the day - the best you can do is ask the question directly, it's up to them if they choose to lie to you.

    But back to your other point - I've had the same experience as you, of being with an amazingly hot woman but unable to get an erection. It happened with some of the first escorts I saw while in my 20s but also with my own wife and my last girlfriend.

    For the longest time I put it down to my age, but it's now crystal clear that it's due to my porn addiction and excessive fapping.

    Being with an escort, of course, can make things worse - the first time you have sex with any new partner you are likely to experience nerves and anxiety which effect performance, and if you also have in the back of your mind some guilt about what you're doing then that will just exacerbate the situation.

    If you want to genuinely enjoy great sex with women, the answer seems pretty clear. Having read a lot about porn addiction recently it genuinely seems that quitting PMO for good will bring you back on track and give you the ability and confidence to have great sex.

    I can only say having battled these issues for decades now that it's something well worth doing - you will reap the benefits for a very long time ahead!

    Good luck!
    over50 likes this.

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