Shortly after writing my text about the prostitute I got a panic attack due to the fear of STD's I might have gotten from her. It led to another emotional collapse, so because of my despair and pain I went the only path and help I could think of: finally confessing everything to my parents. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. To literally express the most intimate and personal secret I have. To see and get their reaction. They were/are shocked and sad, but soothing and understandable at the same time. Although, after the confession I've started to question my decision to tell them. Remorse, shame and guilt were going to settle in. Self-loathing about not being able to deal with it myself, but to harm my parents with this disaster. The feeling of being a disappointment to the only close people I've left in my lonely life. On the other side, they're trying to convince me that they won't condemn me. That they love me. That they want to do everything to help me. I really don't know, if it was a good or bad decision to tell them. I'm in a complete ashamed and useless condition now. I cannot look into my parents eyes without the ever surrounding fact of what happened. It's like a brand mark on my fore head I used to hide, but couldn't. A brand mark, which from now on is always present when being together with my parents. The only people I have. They want me to visit a day hospital or inpatient treatment. They really care about me. Though, for me it's like the ultimate defeat. I've lost everything. My virginity, my last bit of self-esteem, my dignity in front of my parents, the strength of controlling myself. By this time I'm completely broken. And this may be just another self-pity entry to my journal here on NoFap. If there's anything positive about sharing this, it's the fact that visiting escorts and prositutes led me to the biggest pain of my life and to omnishables. If you're as lonely, depressed and desperate as I am, don't ever go to an escort or prostitute. It's destroying your life.