I masturbated last night, and I loved it.

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by OneWithTheUnderdogs, May 25, 2017.

  1. OneWithTheUnderdogs

    OneWithTheUnderdogs Fapstronaut

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    Disclaimer: Unpopular opinion ahead. I'm not posting this thread in order to stir people up or troll NoFap. I'm just stating my own experiences and would like to hear people's opinions on the matter.

    Some background;

    I'm 25, and have been watching porn on & off since I was about 16. I've never been a "watch it every day, multiple times a day" kind of guy, but I am prone to binging. This includes other aspects of my life too, such as drinking. I kicked the drink habit over 18 months ago and feel 100x better for it!

    With regards to my porn use, I came here for some guidance as I felt that it was taking hold over my life and preventing me from being the best version of myself I could be.

    I concluded that I needed an actual reason to stop, not just because "I felt like it". I needed something tangible to work towards. I am now focusing on my relationship with my girlfriend and my career.

    While I was binging, my brain was never fully switched on, and I couldn't engage with people on any kind of level. I was anxious, unsociable, depressed and completely unfocused. I knew I couldn't be successful being in this state, so I decided to make a change.

    Now, here comes the part you guys may not agree with me on.

    I've always been very sexually active from a young age, so I've never experienced heavy porn use and masturbation while being a virgin/not having regular sex. I think this has prevented my problem from reaching a critical level, but it was still a problem nonetheless.

    I believe my issue is over exposure. Instead of just getting hard, masturbating for a few minutes, then finishing, I would stretch out a masturbation/porn watching session over the space of a whole afternoon and evening; some of my sessions exceeding 8 hours. This is obviously not normal, and I always felt like the life force had been sucked out of my when it was finally over.

    This was the part of my habit I wanted rid of, because the truth is, I love masturbation, and I enjoy porn, and I am of the firm belief that both can be enjoyed in moderation.
    Last night I masturbated whilst watching porn. I was diamond hard, full of excitement, and it was over after around 10/15 minutes, and you know what? I felt amazing afterwards. I'd abstained for nine days prior to this, and yesterday I was away on a business trip. There were beautiful women everywhere, and it was scorching, so there were short skirts and summer dresses in abundance. I was a horny mess all day. I could NOT stop thinking about sex; but I didn't feel like a pervert, I felt like a man. However, I was so pent up, that I felt like I had to restrain myself from groping women as they walked past! Attractive girls were also checking me out all day. I could feel that they could sense my virility and sexual energy. I loved the feeling of being ultra horny, but I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep that night unless I gave myself relief (I wasn't seeing my GF, or else I'd have fucked her brains out).
    The difference with this masturbation session though, was that I didn't just do it out of selfish self pleasure, I did it because my body was crying out to me; it NEEDED it. I genuinely think I was hard more often than flaccid, for the whole day. When I was home, I spent time with my family instead of running upstairs and getting lost in a binging session for hours. Then I had a shower (I was rock hard from when I got in the shower until when I started to masturbate). It was the best session I could remember, and I felt awesome afterwards...I was relaxed, happy and full of life. I couldn't remember the last time I felt like this after masturbating. Today I still feel great. The sun is out, I'm horny again; full of testosterone, and I don't have any brain fog.

    Side note: I know that if I didn't masturbate/have sex, my body would just force me to cum via wet dreams...which are a pain in the ass, so I'd rather self pleasure and at least enjoy myself!

    Since I have been ejaculating frequently for the past 10 years, in one way or another, I don't think my body would be able to get used to retaining semen for longer than two weeks. I don't believe it is natural, and it's been proven that your sex drive actually starts to diminish after you don't engage in any sexual activity for a prolonged period of time.

    I've quit PMO before, averaging out at about a month at a time, and the only withdrawals I had were feeling so horny that I was genuinely scared I might sexually assault someone! (Joking).

    Although my porn binging is a problem, I am working hard at removing this from my life. I have no intention of quitting all self pleasure for years on end, because I feel that by doing so you are removing one of life's greatest free pleasures. Like most things that feel good when you do them; masturbation is abused my many men (including myself), and no matter how many arguments you read, it is natural, and a necessary part of of exploring your sexuality, especially if you're single.

    I have found that many NF users, instead of quitting jerking off multiple times a day and putting their new found horniness into meeting women, working out etc, are focusing on becoming asexual robots who refuse to experience any physical pleasure; instead choosing to find satisfaction from within. Sort of like Monks I guess. I respect this life choice, and if you gain anything from it, more power to you! It's not for me though.

    So in conclusion; moderation is key.

    Share your thoughts below!
     
    Last edited: May 25, 2017
    theSlayer, 97days and Deleted Account like this.
  2. BaldingArchie

    BaldingArchie Fapstronaut

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    I totally agree with you.
    That's the exact reason why I quit my no-masturbation streak. After some time it is inevitable to either masturbate/have sex or have a wet dream. Why should we choose the latter? I think that masturbating once a week is the best idea I could come up with.
     
    97days likes this.
  3. w95chris

    w95chris Fapstronaut

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    I think that you are addicted and you are aware of that but you don't want to make a change because you think that all this is good.I can understand because it is like a drug addiction you think that your brain needs it but the truth is it doesn't. If you don't decide to take action then the addiction will take control over you and slowly you will reach a point where the way back is hard to find.Your body needs to release cum yes that is true but because you have taught it to do so.It can get used to a situation and relearn again but only if you teach it.Otherwise you are doing nothing.And i also thought wet dreams are a pain in the ass and you know what i did?I took it on the chin and moved on because i needed to be cured

    Now sexual activity is healthy indeed but M is not a sexual activity so whatever you're thinking rethink it.Your body can sustain many things and it can sustain the absence from PM.No one is telling you to stop all sexual activity here but what you need to quit is PM because it is harmful for you.I hear a lot of people saying that M is normal but yet i have not heard anyone saying that the absence from it did something bad on the contrary.

    Also by M all you do is focusing your power and energy on that so if the try something else their minds are damaged and that voice inside their heads tells them no don't do it you are weak go back to PM trust me this is where you belong.By quitting PM and replacing it with a healthy sexual life then that is it no need to do something else.If you think that only by doing these things you are actually becoming healthier then well...i don't think so

    Lastly i want to say that all these are what i think are right and what i do in my journey to rebooting.And i am writing these as a friendly talk and not a lecture (in case my writing looks like a lecture because i sometimes write like that)
     
  4. OneWithTheUnderdogs

    OneWithTheUnderdogs Fapstronaut

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    Totally agree. From now on I'm only going to masturbate when I feel like I absolutely NEED to, not just because I'm bored or feeling a bit horny.

    The orgasms are so much more intense this way too.
     
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  5. lostandfound

    lostandfound Fapstronaut

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    You know if thats what you feel is right for you then do it. From personnal experience I would recommend against it. The point of this for me is self control and not resorting to self pleasure when there are so many opportunities to have sex available. Masturbation is useless. Its like smoking to relieve stress, drinking to gain courage and doing drugs to escape reality. Confront reality dont masturbate your way out of it
     
  6. OneWithTheUnderdogs

    OneWithTheUnderdogs Fapstronaut

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    Hey man,

    Thanks for your input!

    I don't think "addicted" is the right term to use here. In my opinion, an addict would be completely at a loss if their substance of choice was taken away from them. For me, if I was never allowed to watch porn again, I wouldn't really mind. I'd be kind of annoyed because I genuinely enjoy it, but for the most part I wouldn't really care. I'd no doubt just have more sex than usual.

    Of course masturbation is a sexual activity. You're giving yourself sexual stimulation in order to derive pleasure from it. It's solo sex, and it's perfectly fine in moderation, as are most things.

    Many people will put forth the "semen retention" argument, but unless you train religiously for a long time, you're gonna cum one way or another, and I don't know about you, but I don't want to be the guy who jizzes his pants when a girl brushes past his arm because he hasn't touched his dick in two months.

    I'm not saying that quitting porn and masturbation is bad. If you feel that's what you need to do for YOU, then go for it. I don't think it's the right path for everyone though. I don't think you can just throw out a blanket statement like "all masturbation is harmful". It's scaremongering.

    Say a guy has an awesome job, a hot, smart GF who loves him, a nice house. They're both incredibly happy and content with their lives. They're faithful and love each other unconditionally, they have mind blowing sex, but when the mood strikes, they like to engage in a bit of solo sex a few times a month, what would your argument be then?

    Again this is just my opinion, and my personal experience of how NF works.
     
  7. OneWithTheUnderdogs

    OneWithTheUnderdogs Fapstronaut

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    I totally get the self control point, that's one of the reasons I started this in the first place. My girlfriend and myself live separately, so sometimes there is literally no availability for sex (last night for example), unless I went out and cheated on her. Giving myself pleasure for a few minutes because I'm pent up and frustrated and feeling awesome afterwards and having a great night's sleep is a far healthier way of dealing with my urges in my opinion.

    My goal is to never binge ever again. That's the thing that's messed me up and it needs to go.
     
  8. I totally agree with this idea, if you feel totally okay than its up to you how you manage your life. For me, fapping was a way to get trough difficulties in life, when I was 14 I wondered a lot how do I not get addicted to smoking while all my friends were smoking. I called them idiots to have bad habbits like smoking, but a few years after, I realised that I am a fucking addict too, just with PMO..

    Its not about losing one of lifes biggest pleasure, because I was so in it, it almost took my teenage years. But I consider myself lucky, because someone almost lost a whole life because of PMO.

    So it was a choice for me between living to the fullest or fapping in a dark room for 3 times a day while not making any connections to people or friends. I knew that I cant manage my fapping habits like you described it. Once I start, its like 3 O for that day which is really unhealthy. I was also just 60% hard during sex, lack of confidence and shit.

    So I think the whole programme is all about getting the most out of your life and to be happy as you can. If you found your own way, we support you here :- )
     
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  9. w95chris

    w95chris Fapstronaut

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    What about M though?I used to say that i was not addicted and i am fine but then reality hit me and i saw the truth.Also it is not a sexual activity.Your brain might think that but the truth is it is not.Being sexually active is having sex with a partner.

    Really you think that by sustaining from M and by retaining semen makes your dick very sensitive?Well you are wrong.I mean yes of course you will cum faster and easier but not like you think.For example if you think that if you haven't touched your dick in a long time and a girl (or a guy if that is somebody's thing) touches you or kisses you or something like that you will cum instantly?If yes then that is really hilarious.

    All masturbation is harmful before you reboot your brain and teach yourself to reduce it by lets say once a week maximum.After that if you keep it under control that is good but most people can't keep it under control and just go back to their old habits and that is why they choose never again to M.P on the other hand is something that needs to go and for good.

    My argument is in statement about the couple that there would be something wrong in their sexual life.I mean ok not having sex for some time is completely understandable but engaging in "solo sex" a few times a month i would find it weird to say the least

    As i said in my earlier message these are my opinions and what i believe
     
  10. phwrancesco

    phwrancesco Fapstronaut

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    if you feel good i don't see the problem :)
     
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  11. OneWithTheUnderdogs

    OneWithTheUnderdogs Fapstronaut

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    This ^^^

    I think everyone has to find their own path; their own challenges to undertake and their own goals to meet. You can't give one set of rules for everyone because every single person on here is different and therefore will take on this quest with their own set of rules and guidelines in place. If you start shooting people down with statements like "all M is bad, you have failed" "reset" "Even getting turned on by a girl on an advert is a relapse", is just devaluing what someone may have considered a hurdle which was overcome. For me, being able to actually enjoy a "normal" masturbation session after abstaining for over a week, without getting locked into a binge, is an accomplishment, and I won't let anyone tell me otherwise.
     
  12. OneWithTheUnderdogs

    OneWithTheUnderdogs Fapstronaut

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    Is the perfect response to this :)
     
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  13. OneWithTheUnderdogs

    OneWithTheUnderdogs Fapstronaut

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    If I was never allowed to masturbate again, I would just have more sex with my GF, and if she didn't want it as much as me, I fear I may end up cheating on her. So what is worse, jerking off once in a while, or cheating on your partner because you're so horny due to only allowing yourself sexual stimulation from sex?

    You say these are your opinions, so state them as such. Telling me "you are wrong" does not sound like an opinion, it sounds like you're dismissing my experience because it doesn't correlate directly with your own. From MY experience, even after abstaining for a week, my penis becomes incredibly sensitive, and I can feel a whole new array of sensations that weren't there before. Also, why would I want to cum faster and easier when I don't have a problem with ejaculation as I am? I don't want to have sex with my GF and blow my load in 30 seconds because I haven't jerked off in two weeks thank you very much.

    There are plenty of guys on here who have told stories about them making out with a girl and cumming in their pants. I literally read one the other day where a guy jizzed because a girl was talking to him, no joke. I can't be bothered to find the thread but it's on here.

    Again dude, you're speculating and generalising. "most people can't", well what if I can? I'm doing fine up to now, and I'll carry on doing fine because that's what I've told myself I'm going to do.

    You think it's weird that someone would choose to give themselves pleasure because there was a lull in their sex life, for one reason or another, or they were away on a long business trip? That's the kind of mentality that fucks people up on here. The "all masturbation is harmful" sentiment needs to be destroyed, because that in itself is harmful. You're telling people that a natural biological release of semen is harmful and will ruin their lives. Just because that may have happened to you, doesn't mean everyone will be affected the same way. Lots of people drink alcohol, but they don't all become alcoholics.

    I appreciate you have strong opinions on this matter, but please phrase them as such and don't pass my own opinions off as "wrong". Besides, by definition that's impossible.
     
  14. Monster Carrot

    Monster Carrot Fapstronaut

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    Something you might notice if you decide to M on a "need only" basis (as I did) is you'll eventually bend the rules a bit here and there, and then before you know it, you'll be Ming regularly again. Not that it's a crime, but if you don't have a firm set of principles or goals, it's hard to maintain resolve for something like this. Anyway that's what I've found over the years.
     
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  15. OneWithTheUnderdogs

    OneWithTheUnderdogs Fapstronaut

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    Hey man

    This did cross my mind honestly, and I believe I just need to become more aware of what my body "needs" and what it just "wants". If I can do this, I'll be able to take back control.
     
  16. Monster Carrot

    Monster Carrot Fapstronaut

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    I support your right to test out any and every idea that comes along the way! There's no strict formula to this philosophy. Whatever helps you achieve your goals in the end.
    Good luck man.
     
    97days likes this.
  17. Monster Carrot

    Monster Carrot Fapstronaut

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    I should add, as long as you come back and let us know how your ideas are panning out. After all, NoFap has no research department other than all of us. We need your data! :)
     
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  18. w95chris

    w95chris Fapstronaut

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    Well here's the thing that having sex is healthy and nothing is wrong with that now if you cannot control yourself by not having sex and you have such serious issues then you might want to analyze it in depth

    As a said this is the way i write and this is the way i talk.I am not trying to excuse myself far from it i am only saying this so you can understand that i am not blaming you for anything (although it seems like i am and that is why i am trying t change the way i talk).Look you have no problem now but what about later in the future?You might have then (i repeat might have because some people do others do not.I did not have a problem before i decided to stop for example).It is very uncomfortable to say the least to "blow a load off" in a short amount of time but that goes away after some time of having sex.

    Yes i think that i saw that subject in here some time ago about the guy who talked to a girl and he just could not hold it.I feel sorry for the guy and i would not want to be him but it does not mean that by abstaining from PM will do these things.Perhaps abstaining from other things can cause it.

    Of course i am speculating.I am not a scientist to have proof from studies that i did nor can i predict the future.

    Yes i think it is weird but you don't then hey i have something to say to you: Let's agree to disagree.(i mean it in a good way not as an insult).Every person is different and i said that i find it weird.Nothing wrong with that someone else -like you for example- might not and that is okay because each and every one of us have different opinions about certain things.Also i will repeat my sentence because i think you misinterpret things.I said all masturbation is harmful before you reboot and teach yourself to keep in under control after that it does no harm.I did not say that you should never jack off again what i said was don't jack off until you reboot and teach your brain to control this habit.

    Anyway this conversation between us is going nowhere because we are both stubborn young men that have strong opinions and a conversation between us is like a battle that never ends.So i say we agree that we both have our different opinions and let's just call it a truce.If i offended you in any way with the way i see things and the way i said those things i have to apologize in advance because i never meant anything to insult or offend you.

    Have a good day man and go on with what you think is right and works best for you
     
  19. OneWithTheUnderdogs

    OneWithTheUnderdogs Fapstronaut

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    I think it's more of a case that if you'd been masturbating/having sex consistently for over 10 years, then suddenly pulled the plug on both outlets, your body would be like "what the fuck" and would go into panic mode because it didn't have a sexual outlet. Why do you think so many people in stale relationships cheat? I know there are various other emotional and psychological reasons as to why one begins an affair, but it almost exclusively starts with sex.

    As I said, I've been sexually active for over ten years, and without trying to blow my own trumpet, I'm pretty good at it. The only performance issues I've had have been in relation to major anxiety issues I faced in my past. (admittedly the porn wasn't helping, but it wasn't a direct cause).

    Ah I understand now. Sorry I misunderstood what you meant. I actually agree with you here. I think the body and mind need time to heal, especially with very heavy users. Take me for example. I drank heavily multiple times a week for about four years. I had a problem, so I quit "drinking" for a year. For the first month I didn't touch a drop, then I slowly started to work alcohol back into my life, which I did successfully. I haven't been drunk in over 18 months because I learned how to control my habit. I am applying this same rule to PMO. Alcohol is fun in the right doses, and if you dose it right, you can have an amazing time and not feel like complete shit the next day. I believe this same rule applies to PMO. Don't do it all the time, don't do it for hours at a time, don't watch weird shit, and don't binge.

    Agreeing to disagree is the best course of action here I think!

    I'm going to keep updating my progress though so feel free to chip in when you feel like it :)

    Have a good day dude.
     
  20. 97days

    97days Fapstronaut

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    The other day I masterbated over some non-pornographic material for the first time in four days. It was just a photograph of a model which, I suppose, was sensual, but I had the most heightened pleasure and slow, gradual build of excitement while doing it, and I'd only quit for like four days! The only times id had that so wonderfully was as a kid or once whilst high. The feeling where it actually seems to come out of nowhere and surprise you! It's the greatest joy you can experience while in O.

    Not to say I plan to repeat the incident in the future, but I feel like you're onto something. Moderation is notoriously quite a key to the kingdom of pleasure. Observing whether or not you really want it, or if it's just there and you've got a void you've decided you want to fill.

    I have a girlfriend. Quite often lately she's lost her sex drive - we're trying to get to the bottom of it as I know she loves me plenty and I love her. I noticed today after some fooling around and fun, I was slightly horny and the first thing I felt like doing [since she wasn't in the mood] was later going to the bathroom and getting it out of my system. I held off on the idea. It's like I entitled myself to that orgasm just because I'd gotten a bit sexy with my girlfriend and it was fresh in my mind, like "ooh don't waste that image cause it'll be harder to remember later... wank-bank and whatever". I guess I didn't really "want it" like I hoped I'd "want it"... it gave me a much better feeling to have the insight to say "no, this is unnecessary, that was really lovely but now there are better things I can do. These things will come again. She is my girlfriend after all".

    Above all I don't think PMO is always harmful to everyone and I certainly don't think MO is, although I know that P has caused quite a problem ~for me~, which is I guess is why that has been my focus. M is a problem, but kind of more for my bored/lonely/depressed self. My genuinely horny spontaneous moments don't feel like problems... at least not yet. They don't happen often, and when they do it's enjoyable overall, if just a little draining in the aftermath.

    I'm not offering advice or some cure all solution here or really anything except my experience, but it is interesting to hear you share a similar one. I nearly went to post mine the other day but fell asleep instead.
     

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