I messed up my life, potentially forever. Prone Masturbation. Relapsed early. Am I screwed forever?

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by aimforthemoon, Jul 20, 2020.

  1. aimforthemoon

    aimforthemoon Fapstronaut

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    Good afternoon everyone,


    this is my story:


    I am 19 years old. In college. In quarantine. Made a terrible mistake twice in one week.


    Unfortunately, on the morning of May 24 I decided to make the worst mistake of my life. I woke up in the morning, tired, dreary, annoyed. I wanted to masturbate all of my problems away. So, I, regrettably, chose to turn around and hump the mattress instead of using my hand, bc unfortunately I burned my hand when I was cooking a few days before. I knew I had my other hand but I was like, no that’s not the hand that I use so let me just turn around and hump. I’m literally like a few seconds I came and then I turned over on my side and felt pain in my anus. Then, I realized I was completely numb from my penis to my testicles. I was so confused and distraught. I had so much homework and things to accomplish that day. So when the day went on I just ignored it and did my work. Then a four days later, on May the 28, I panicked. I was freaking out when I was doing an assignment for school. I thought I was never going to be able to please my future wife, so I switched to conventional masturbating. I slightly pulled my penis up and down and in a few seconds I came again. However, this impulsiveness was an even worse mistake. As I was coming up after I started to ejaculate, I felt my muscles contract in my pelvis and I noticed that I was completely constipated and I could not feel my erected penis anymore. it’s like my erected penis lost life. The sensation was completely gone. Additionally, I had right testicular pain and right groin pain.

    After that day I was still getting erections even though it wasn’t as high and prominent as usual. Every day after that I felt worse and worse. Almost like I couldn’t sit down and was feeling sick. So I called my doctor and scheduled an appointment and they couldn’t even get my blood work because I had not been drinking water ever since I moved to the area I was at like a year ago. later that night, I was hanging out with my girlfriend and I just kept feeling worse and worse. After dropping my girlfriend and her sister off. I went home and I felt so much pain in my pelvis, my penis, my abdomen, my balls, and my anus. It was completely a horrible and painful experience. It was so bad I had to go to the ER. after they did CT scans on my pelvis and abdomen it all came back clean with no issues at all. Then, I started drinking water and a lot of symptoms started to get better, even though I had a lot of inconstinence. I had to go to the restroom every 30 minutes it felt like. however, I still could not sit down and I had a multitude of pain throughout both sides of my back for weeks. I also went to see an urologist and he did a physical examination on me and said I have nothing to worry about, I told him that I did prone and he said just to never do it again.


    Since then, I have been drinking lots of water, taking magnesium supplements, taking zinc supplements, and getting plenty of rest. Additionally, I am basically always laying down or standing up unless I have work to do. When I sit down for too long I still feel burning and it’s uncomfortable. I have been doing nofap for 52 days, a lot of the pain has gone down. Even though, it is still uncomfortable. My penis is still desensitized except for the top/tip of my penis and I get these hourglass shapes on my penis. Every now and then, especially when I need to poop. A lot of my inconstinence has gone down and I feel like I am now starting to have a tiny bit of control over my bladder. my testicular pain and right groin pain have gone. I am now trying to start walking again every morning. I still feel this bubbling in my perineum. I still feel disconnected from my penis after getting so many boners and huge erections over the period of my life.


    I don’t know what I have tbh, did I damage my nerves permanently? Do I have pudendal neuralgia? Is this a PSL injury? Did I destroy a certain nerve that gave me sensations to my penis? If I did not damage them, how long will it take for me to heal? My pelvic floor feels sore. I barely can lift up my penis. I can jult/flex my penis but my penis barely moves, it moves mostly on the top half or when it is erect. I still have random like worms crawling through my back sometimes. I don’t know if I will ever fully recover but I am truly truly planning on never masturbating again for 4 years before I can hopefully marry my future wife. Honestly, I am just hoping that I can heal and still have kids one day. Holding out hope that I won’t have permanent impotence. I am truly sorry for my terrible sin. I thought I was invincible and clearly I was not. I had so many thoughts going through my head of wow I really was stupid enough to relapse and maybe I really can’t have kids now. Additionally, I felt like my life was worth nothing. This is the first time I ever felt truly depressed. I was not wise. Masturbation is not worth it and I should have been on these forums years/months ago. I encourage that you tell all of your peers and friends who masturbate to avoid this at all costs by joining the forums and engaging and reading this informational stuff. If I had kept reading into these forums before these injuries I would be completely healthy and fun by now. I still haven’t told anyone exactly what I did, until now.


    This has been a horrible roller coaster ride and I would not want anyone to go through this. The ironic thing is, I barely even masturbate to begin with. I feel like a lot of things I didn’t take into consideration and it caused my downfall. I am telling you all please stop masturbating or at least never do prone again. Additionally, if you do prone make sure to not relapse as fast as I did bc it can have terrible effects, like numbing all of your genitals. please wait 3 weeks to a month at least. Make sure to tell someone you trust if you ever go numb so you can save yourself from this misery. If I had done that I would have never relapsed and I would have been fine by now. now my penis keeps glitching with different shapes and sizes, and sometimes it even drops down when it’s half erected. I also have barely any libido and can barely make myself horny enough to get erections that I used to get consistently. I don’t think this is a flatline because I was numb and then instantly no sensation. Also, I did get diagnosed with bilateral testicular microlithiasis after ultrasound on my testicles.


    I didn’t realize how great life was without ever falling. I fell into needless traps fills with my desires. I had plenty of brain fog and I always felt like the chillest person in the room despite barely even fapping, even though my penis was too extremely sensitive. I always felt like my penis was going to explode out of my pants. I remember that when I was a kid this happened to me but I did not relapse, I waited until my penis was in an hourglass shape multiple times and gave me excruciating pain. Then, one day I randomly came back to normal for many many years. The irony of it, was I didn’t even remember that until after I relapsed. Extremely bad timing. All I can do is hope, pray, relax, and continue in this quarantine. I hope you all stay safe and hopefully reply with some insightful information. Any comments are welcome. Hopefully you can read my story and have thoughts! I wish I knew about this site earlier, I think I’m screwed.
     
  2. One Eyed Owl

    One Eyed Owl Fapstronaut

  3. aimforthemoon

    aimforthemoon Fapstronaut

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