I met a girl i really like

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by backtolife42, Jan 18, 2020.

  1. backtolife42

    backtolife42 Fapstronaut

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    Hey, i have been working on my recovery over the past year, made a lot of progress and turned my life around. But since i have still been relapsing relativeley often, i still didnt feel ready to date someone.
    But as it happens, i met a girl i actually really like. We have a lot in common, i love talking to her and she is interested in me too. We already went on two dates after the first time we met, and we got pretty close.
    But once it came to having sex, my anxieties kicked in and i lost my erection. She was really understanding about it and we talked about just waiting for a while. I think it is a good thing to wait to have sex, but there is still this part in me that wants to proof that i can do it and i kinda want to know whether or not i am ready to have a normal sex life. I also dont want her to feel like there is anything wrong with her.
    I try not to stress myself about it, but it is something that keeps creeping into my head, that i have to „perform“, or proof something.
    Right now i think the best thing would be to actually wait until i am at least 30 days pmo free, i think this would be a goal that is finally in reach for me. But so far i havent talked to her about the fact that i am still in recovery and i am not sure if it would be better to just see what happens.
    I just had to get this off my chest for now, maybe some of you can give me your take on this issue.
     
    Espi1971 likes this.
  2. Slow down brother. Who says you have to have sex after a few dates?

    I think you’ve got an idea of what will work for you. Waiting 30 days is a good goal. And if she wants to speed things up let her know you’re taking things slow. If she’s into you she’ll understand.
     
    Dizzy Lotus, Espi1971 and Jay77 like this.
  3. backtolife42

    backtolife42 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks, i know that it is probably better to take things slow, and she already told me she is fine with it. I actually didnt plan to go that far with her so quickly, and she told me she actually planed to wait too. But it just kinda happened and i wasnt sure what to make of it. I probably still got some wrong expectations of what sex would mean and of how important it is. Hope i can figure these things out over the next couple of weeks and eventually take this next step towards a better and healthier life with her.
     
    Azzure likes this.
  4. Jay77

    Jay77 Fapstronaut

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    I am in exactly the same situation as this! Right now I’ve had two dates and she made subtle advances to progress it which I am stalling saying I prefer to wait. I have severe PIED so the wait is only going to benefit me but it’s a balancing act as I don’t want her to think I’m not interested but at the same time I don’t want to tell her I have PIED so sadly it’s my only option which I’m happy about being a gentleman and taking things slow.
     
    Azzure likes this.
  5. backtolife42

    backtolife42 Fapstronaut

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    So a quick update. We had our third date, and we talked a little about our issues and how we would handle sex, among some other things. We decided that we would wait with having sex and instead just enjoy some foreplay and closeness together. It felt really good to be with her in that way, without any pressure. I was more focused on exploring her body, and feeling her close to me and it was no problem for me to get hard in that setting. It was great just to be with her like that.
    I think just taking away the pressure like that solved a lot of issues for me. I feel a lot more confident after that night, and even though i am still technically a virgin i dont feel like there is anything I have to be afraid of anymore.
    I am probably pretty lucky that i have met a girl that is as understanding and open as she is, but maybe others struggling with that issue can try a similar aproach.
     
  6. ahighertruth

    ahighertruth Fapstronaut

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    imo sex after 2 dates is not a good sign in a healthy relationship. it seems like this is a fling?
     
    Dizzy Lotus and Azzure like this.
  7. Now you’re talkin! You sound a lot happier with how things are progressing. Being intimate and close doesn’t mean you have to have sex and reach the mighty O! Besides, when you both do decide to have sex you’ll both be with someone you know likes/loves you and cares about you. Happy for you man.
     
  8. Jay77

    Jay77 Fapstronaut

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    my ex wife I had sex on a third date and was with her for 10 years mate. There is no rules on when to have sex or not. The thing about having sex early is thinking she’s easy or I am easy but as long as you don’t believe that’s the case then why not?
     
    Azzure likes this.

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