*TRIGGER WARNING* *TRIGGER WARNING* *TRIGGER WARNING* AGAIN I REPEAT *TRIGGER WARNING* Alright, strap in because these are going to be two hefty stories. Let's begin, so I never told this to anyone except for one friend, now I'm about to share it publicly, when I was about 12/13ish, around these ages, I was Muslim and my father wanted me to understand, read, and memorize the Quran well, so he decided to bring me mentors to help me, albeit I thought it was unnecessary, he still did get me some mentors, the first one I met he only mentored me for a few days, then a second mentor came and mentored me for a quite long time, perchance like 8 months, and then there was a third mentor, now the third one was peculiar, because he actually had sexual attraction towards children, I wouldn't say he was pedophilic, but rather hebephilic, when I was young I didn't understand what pedophilia meant, or what it was exactly, plus the worst thing is I was watching porn and did understand some terms about porn, I remember while no one was around, the mentor kept showing me some pictures of hot girls and stuff when he was supposed to teach me and make me revise the verses that I was supposed to memorize in the Quran, and he told me about how he teaches other kids and stuff, I can't remember exactly the details, but I remember he talked about money and stuff with me and his financial problems because he doesn't teach enough kids to get adequate money, I can't exactly remember what he was talking about, anyways he even once told me once "Do you shave your armpit?" and I was like heck no, he told me to shave them, and other times he would sometimes tell me to shave my balls, but I didn't do it (he didn't say these things angrily, he was talking in a funny way, but I still loathe him), anyways here's the most mortifying event that occurred, when I was young I didn't believe it was embarrassing, not even once while doing it, but looking at it back now in retrospect, I'd have to say I'm deeply ashamed and mortified of myself, and sometimes even I feel suicidal because of it, without any more fine print, here's what happened: *AGAIN, TRIGGER WARNING* We used to do sexual things with each other like touch each other's balls and he would sometimes orally kiss me on my lips sometimes in the year, I can't remember what I exactly felt while doing it, but it felt uncomfortable and good at the same time, and here's the worst thing that happened, he told me if I wanted to give him a blowjob once (Of course at that time, I was young and didn't know what pedophilia was, so I thought it was cool), so he showed me his penis, I was a little reluctant and my heart was racing, and I only have gone like 3 cm deep and a slight lick to the foreskin and that's it, I can't remember what happened afterwards, but I remember that we should continued normally with the Quran, now you may think this is not a big deal, okay, but the thing is he's very likely doing that with other kids too, and I feel very depressed and angry that I didn't tell my dad about him or report him to the police, and I didn't tell my parents about what happened because I'm scared to tell them about the things that happened with me and him, and they'd think I'm sick and that it's my fault that I didn't tell them early, they wouldn't understand that I didn't know what hebephilia was when I was young, now that I'm 15 years old and close to being 16, it's really heart-wrenching how I didn't report him to the cops, sometimes I would think of killing myself because I didn't save other kids who would be living with the traumas that the mentor causes for them for the rest of their lives, it's terrible, even last year a similar event happened but way more mitigated, I was waiting for the bus to come to go to school, I saw a guy with reddish eyes, acne, a red jacket, and black sweatpants, he was probably like in his late 20s, early 30s, and he was wearing sports shoes. He held the hands of two little girls while I was waiting for the bus, he'd gone inside the gate where he entered the building where the apartment I live was in it, and there were some sofas inside the building in front of the gate in case of emergency of pain or if someone wants to sit, he told the little kids which were very young, about 7 years old, he told them to sit down, and while I was waiting at the gate for my bus, I remember he looked at me because I was looking at him and the kids were extremely scared as he was approaching the gate, I was thinking inside my head "That's kind of suspicious of him, I should make a rude remark about him or try to fight him to save the kids.", but I didn't because I was scared, plus when I returned from school this day my mom told me "Thank god you didn't talk to him, he could've had knife in his pockets as a fallback that he would kill you with.", I was amazingly scared and my heart was racing extremely fast when I looked at him, anyways, he told the kids to not ever talk to anybody and told them to sit at the sofas while he goes and gets the car, while he was getting the car, I've gone and talked to them quickly, and told them "DO YOU KNOW THIS GUY?!" and they looked pretty horrified and they were literally still in their place, even before they sat they were very scared and horrified, so the bus came and I didn't have enough time, I told them to go to anyone in this building or the gatekeeper (Who was asleep, but he does help at all times) to be saved, I've gone to the bus extremely heartbroken and ashamed, I was like "I could've saved the lives of these two little children, it's more important than being late to a petty fucking session.", I was very angry at myself, sometimes I would think of it and until now I think of it and feel like the perpetrator for not saving those young and precious children who didn't know what they were being brought into, when I arrived at school and I told some of my friends about what happened, however they didn't really care that much, my best friend told me "He will definitely be imprisoned, don't worry!", in fact he wasn't sad or angry, he was talking to me normally, now that I've grown up, I wish I sacrificed my life for these kids to be saved, I wish I would've known about pedophilia so well so that I could tell my parents about it, I wish these atrocious human beings would've been castrated and jailed for life, even while I'm writing this, I feel a sense of sadness, deep despair, and regret that I didn't do the right thing. Even while I'm writing this, it feels as if I'm reliving it. Even though I'm a radical agnostic now, I hope these kids to go paradise for eternity, I really do wish them the absolute best in their lives and afterlife because it was my fault that I didn't save them.