I met a pedophile for almost a whole year.

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by Moatasem, May 15, 2021.

  1. Moatasem

    Moatasem Fapstronaut

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    *TRIGGER WARNING* *TRIGGER WARNING* *TRIGGER WARNING* AGAIN I REPEAT *TRIGGER WARNING*
    Alright, strap in because these are going to be two hefty stories.
    Let's begin, so I never told this to anyone except for one friend, now I'm about to share it publicly, when I was about 12/13ish, around these ages, I was Muslim and my father wanted me to understand, read, and memorize the Quran well, so he decided to bring me mentors to help me, albeit I thought it was unnecessary, he still did get me some mentors, the first one I met he only mentored me for a few days, then a second mentor came and mentored me for a quite long time, perchance like 8 months, and then there was a third mentor, now the third one was peculiar, because he actually had sexual attraction towards children, I wouldn't say he was pedophilic, but rather hebephilic, when I was young I didn't understand what pedophilia meant, or what it was exactly, plus the worst thing is I was watching porn and did understand some terms about porn, I remember while no one was around, the mentor kept showing me some pictures of hot girls and stuff when he was supposed to teach me and make me revise the verses that I was supposed to memorize in the Quran, and he told me about how he teaches other kids and stuff, I can't remember exactly the details, but I remember he talked about money and stuff with me and his financial problems because he doesn't teach enough kids to get adequate money, I can't exactly remember what he was talking about, anyways he even once told me once "Do you shave your armpit?" and I was like heck no, he told me to shave them, and other times he would sometimes tell me to shave my balls, but I didn't do it (he didn't say these things angrily, he was talking in a funny way, but I still loathe him), anyways here's the most mortifying event that occurred, when I was young I didn't believe it was embarrassing, not even once while doing it, but looking at it back now in retrospect, I'd have to say I'm deeply ashamed and mortified of myself, and sometimes even I feel suicidal because of it, without any more fine print, here's what happened:
    *AGAIN, TRIGGER WARNING*
    We used to do sexual things with each other like touch each other's balls and he would sometimes orally kiss me on my lips sometimes in the year, I can't remember what I exactly felt while doing it, but it felt uncomfortable and good at the same time, and here's the worst thing that happened, he told me if I wanted to give him a blowjob once (Of course at that time, I was young and didn't know what pedophilia was, so I thought it was cool), so he showed me his penis, I was a little reluctant and my heart was racing, and I only have gone like 3 cm deep and a slight lick to the foreskin and that's it, I can't remember what happened afterwards, but I remember that we should continued normally with the Quran, now you may think this is not a big deal, okay, but the thing is he's very likely doing that with other kids too, and I feel very depressed and angry that I didn't tell my dad about him or report him to the police, and I didn't tell my parents about what happened because I'm scared to tell them about the things that happened with me and him, and they'd think I'm sick and that it's my fault that I didn't tell them early, they wouldn't understand that I didn't know what hebephilia was when I was young, now that I'm 15 years old and close to being 16, it's really heart-wrenching how I didn't report him to the cops, sometimes I would think of killing myself because I didn't save other kids who would be living with the traumas that the mentor causes for them for the rest of their lives, it's terrible, even last year a similar event happened but way more mitigated, I was waiting for the bus to come to go to school, I saw a guy with reddish eyes, acne, a red jacket, and black sweatpants, he was probably like in his late 20s, early 30s, and he was wearing sports shoes. He held the hands of two little girls while I was waiting for the bus, he'd gone inside the gate where he entered the building where the apartment I live was in it, and there were some sofas inside the building in front of the gate in case of emergency of pain or if someone wants to sit, he told the little kids which were very young, about 7 years old, he told them to sit down, and while I was waiting at the gate for my bus, I remember he looked at me because I was looking at him and the kids were extremely scared as he was approaching the gate, I was thinking inside my head "That's kind of suspicious of him, I should make a rude remark about him or try to fight him to save the kids.", but I didn't because I was scared, plus when I returned from school this day my mom told me "Thank god you didn't talk to him, he could've had knife in his pockets as a fallback that he would kill you with.", I was amazingly scared and my heart was racing extremely fast when I looked at him, anyways, he told the kids to not ever talk to anybody and told them to sit at the sofas while he goes and gets the car, while he was getting the car, I've gone and talked to them quickly, and told them "DO YOU KNOW THIS GUY?!" and they looked pretty horrified and they were literally still in their place, even before they sat they were very scared and horrified, so the bus came and I didn't have enough time, I told them to go to anyone in this building or the gatekeeper (Who was asleep, but he does help at all times) to be saved, I've gone to the bus extremely heartbroken and ashamed, I was like "I could've saved the lives of these two little children, it's more important than being late to a petty fucking session.", I was very angry at myself, sometimes I would think of it and until now I think of it and feel like the perpetrator for not saving those young and precious children who didn't know what they were being brought into, when I arrived at school and I told some of my friends about what happened, however they didn't really care that much, my best friend told me "He will definitely be imprisoned, don't worry!", in fact he wasn't sad or angry, he was talking to me normally, now that I've grown up, I wish I sacrificed my life for these kids to be saved, I wish I would've known about pedophilia so well so that I could tell my parents about it, I wish these atrocious human beings would've been castrated and jailed for life, even while I'm writing this, I feel a sense of sadness, deep despair, and regret that I didn't do the right thing. Even while I'm writing this, it feels as if I'm reliving it.
    Even though I'm a radical agnostic now, I hope these kids to go paradise for eternity, I really do wish them the absolute best in their lives and afterlife because it was my fault that I didn't save them.
     
    Last edited: May 15, 2021
  2. Issah

    Issah Fapstronaut

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    I'm so sorry this is so sad, I'm so sorry these things happened to you.
    I know it feels like the chances are gone but they are not, you can still tell your parents or someone you trust about what happened with the mentor, they won't think it's your fault.

    People like that are manipulative and groom the kids first so it was not your fault, it was not you.

    And about the creepy man with the kids, you can still report it to the police and the building owner.

    You did what you knew at the time. Please don't beat yourself up too much, and please consider counseling or therapy. You've gone through alot and your spirit and mind and body have taken strain. You cant heal and overcome all of this on your own. Please seek help in the real world.

    And again, no one should've gone what you went through, I'm really so sorry you've experienced all of that. It wasn't your fault and you didn't ask for it.
     
  3. Moatasem

    Moatasem Fapstronaut

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    I wouldn't say I was sexually abused or traumatized, but this story is stuck in my head for years and won't go away along with the shame that I feel because of myself, I know what the guy looks like, and I think my father has his number and can call him, but I don't know his address, I could tell my parents, but I'm afraid they would tell me that I'm sick and that it was my fault, but it's okay, I'm going to say it to them hopefully, thanks for the positive message :3.
     
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  4. TimeToQuitNow

    TimeToQuitNow Fapstronaut

    The man teaches the Quran but doesn't implement it.

    I am sorry to hear this happened to you. I can understand now why you made that other thread about suicided. I think you are really brave for writing this. Opening up is the first step to healing. This is probably more trauma then can be remedied here but I really hope you get the help you need. Best of luck.
     
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  5. hollyman

    hollyman Fapstronaut

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    im sorry to hear that and thank god my Qur'an mentor isnt a person like that...

    in my younger day's those kind of things do exsist and it become worse rn since monster like em can communicate each other with the help of internet and social media...
     
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  6. Moatasem

    Moatasem Fapstronaut

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    Thank you man.
     
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  7. Moatasem

    Moatasem Fapstronaut

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    Definitely, with pornography starting to become promulgated throughout technological devices, it's doing nothing but rendering the world more porn addicts.
     
    Last edited: May 16, 2021
  8. Fat Boy

    Fat Boy Fapstronaut

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    Dude wtf you need to report that sick animal! Ask your dad what his name is and what his phone number is and Report him to the authorities today!

    And it's not just for you. If you don't he will continue doing these things to other little boys and girls.
     
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  9. Moatasem

    Moatasem Fapstronaut

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    I know man, but the thing is... I'm in danger too.
     
    Last edited: May 17, 2021
  10. What do you mean by that?
     
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  11. Moatasem

    Moatasem Fapstronaut

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    If they knew that I was doing bad things with him and was accepting it, I'm afraid they would use me as a scapegoat beside him.
     
  12. MeTP

    MeTP Fapstronaut

    If you are scared, you need help because its common to victims of abuse not sharing their abuse in case of being scapegoat/not believed/shamed. You were sexually abused. Definitely you need therapy. It probably wrecked you more than you even feel now. What Quran is telling about rape ?
    You are suppressing and in denial of your feelings to protect your abuser. It is another mechanism called 'stockholm syndrome' - victim protecting his abuser. Because you are scared of revealing what hapened to you. Moreover, you are taking subconsiously shame on to you, while you are innocent. Every therapist will show you these patterns that I'm describing, and more.
    I know that you are scared. Hope you will get better and will reveal abuser to police.
     
    Last edited: May 17, 2021
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  13. Moatasem

    Moatasem Fapstronaut

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    I'm going to tell them, it doesn't matter if something bad happens to me, I'm literally sacrificing the lives of these kids for my own little problem, so I'm going to say it to my parents.
     
  14. IGY

    IGY Fapstronaut
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    I am impressed you know what hebephilia is even now. Most adults do not know where paedophilia, ephebophilia and hebephilia start and end.

    You owe it to yourself and to other kids to tell your parents and report him to the police. It is not easy, but necessary. :)
     
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  15. MeTP

    MeTP Fapstronaut

    Be brave, hope you will extract priceless lessons from this hard situation. Silence is agreement to violence.
     
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  16. Moatasem

    Moatasem Fapstronaut

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    I still haven't told them, god man, I wonder why it's so hard for me, I'm going to use the 5 second rule and tell them.
     
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  17. DriftyMountain

    DriftyMountain Fapstronaut

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    Please tell your parents about this disgusting dirtbag! My heart goes out to you, man. That's such a terrible thing to go through. And please, don't blame yourself for the actions of these sick monsters. You were scared and are a kid yourself. You cannot blame yourself. I urge you to seek therapy if possible. Please be safe!
     
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  18. Your teacher is a predator and manipulation is a weapon. I think it's very mature and selfless that you think about that he's doing it to others.
     
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  19. Although I can't give you advice on everything you mentioned because I'm not qualified and because I lack similar experiences, I can tell you just one thing. No kid should have the pressure to save the whole damn world. You weren't a young superhuman then, just a boy. Your reaction was normal. You think this now of yourself, but you were asking too much of your younger self then. I did things that younger me could never roll back because younger me did not know better. It's ok. You still deserve love and salvation. What happens next is up to you. Whatever your next choice regarding those two individuals, the mentor and the red jacket man, make sure you can be proud of yourself after making that choice. Make sure you don't regret anything. Regret kills as an adult, you can forgive it as a child, but not as an adult.
     
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  20. ankith

    ankith Fapstronaut

    Dude you were just a kid back then, kids obviously are curious about new stuff, but it's different for adults, they know what they are doing and they deliberately manipulate the curiosity of kids for their cravings. So just forgive yourself, you didn't do any mistake, you just didn't know what you were doing. But please report that bastard to your parents, he needs to go to jail. I know it's hard to open up but stay strong and tell your parents just like how you told us. You don't have to explain all the details to them, just tell them he sexually abused you. All the best dude.
     
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