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I met the girl of my dreams...but she has a boyfriend

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Namekian23, May 20, 2016.

  1. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

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    So far for my last thread I didn't receive too many comments for advice...But I hope someone can help me on this one. Last summer I met one of the most amazing girls of my life. For some strange reason, I've never clicked with any other girl like her. The chemistry was just right there; I've never felt anything like it. Unfortunately, I was not ready for a relationship at the time, and she was sensing it. Last year I had a LOT of heartache involving another girl. However, I thought this new girl was the one until she decided to date some other guy.

    I had no idea that they were going out because I really wanted to focus on finishing school and not relationships, so by the time I was ready for her...it was too late. We were like polar opposites. I was shy and she was more relaxed and outgoing. We got along great. I mean, I've had vivid dreams about her including me holding her in my arms! I've dreamed of other girls, but none like this.

    Now the real problem is her boyfriend. Already she's saying things to her girl friends that he's "okay" as if she wasn't satisfied. Now that I've graduated and found a new job in my field, I don't know what to do with her. There's another girl that likes me, but I don't know if I should be with her instead. So what should I do? I can't wait for her any longer; I just can't. I don't know if I should intervene or convince her to be with me. I've made one of the biggest mistakes by letting her go the first time, and I can't afford to make another one.
     
  2. GSarosi

    GSarosi Guest

    Typical case of Oneitis. I get them too especially under the Myers Briggs I am classified as an INFJ. Do a search on Oneitis in here and there is your answer.
     
  3. The Progressive One

    The Progressive One Fapstronaut

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    Oneitis and the "friend zone" go hand-in-hand. The "friend zone" is like the Mafia, once you're in you're in for life.
     
  4. GSarosi

    GSarosi Guest

    Well his Oneitis issue is not deep. More like an intensified puppy love kind of Oneitis. Reason as so is because he was just talking to her only from it looks like. If he was interacting with a larger pool of women then she is just another cool girl. Now if the OP had a LTR then the Oneitis would be much more deeper and would be a real biatch to get rid of but time and space are great medicine.

    What is the guy to do in his case. As mentioned in the first paragraph. Go out there and interact with women. Before doing so you need to figure out who you are, what you want, what interests you and what activities you like to do. Once you figure that out combine your social life with your dating life. You are going to meet lots of people and if there is a high female to male ratio statistically speaking you are going to run into one if not more women whom you would attract and vice versa. Much better if you do "nothing" and she comes to you. That is what great game is all about. It is silent and builds up and works in your favor.
     
  5. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

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    Wow....that was spot on. I really appreciate you giving me this information man. It helped me clear my mind a bit. You're right, I do have a case of Oneitis. I ever thought about having something like this until now. As a matter of fact, she's probably not even thinking about me while I, on the other hand, think about her daily. One thing for sure, it will not help me a damn bit. The whole time I was just disillusioning myself with fantasies of her in some kind of fairy tale wonderland.

    I know I'm being a little hard on myself, but this is something I've done with girls one too many times. I guess as of now, I can channel my energy towards something more positive to get my mind off of her. I just graduated college like yesterday, and I have a new job in my field that I actually have passion for. Those 2 things should keep me focused and busy for now. Another thing is that I do have more options with other females including the one that likes me. Who knows, she could be better than the one right now.

    Anyway, I know I'm going off topic a bit, but I just had the same discussion with my best friend the other day. I am better than this, and it makes so sense for me to daydream on this girl any longer. I mean, it's been almost a year. Again, thanks for the information. I feel better knowing that I can finally get her out of my head and start a new chapter in the world of relationships. Good luck with NoFap man :)
     
    Ten likes this.
  6. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

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    Can you elaborate more on the friend zone and Oneitis thing? I'm new to this term. Even though I used to like her intensely, we are still technically friends despite the fact that she's in a relationship. Last month we hanged out with our friends, and she gave me a hug. I even have her number. So what does Oneitis have to do with friend zone? What if she broke up with her boyfriend? I would still have a chance if she was single wouldn't I?
     
  7. GSarosi

    GSarosi Guest

    Oneitis and the friendzone are two different things. Oneitis is where you are totally mentally and emotionally invested into that just one girl. You think and feel she is the best thing since sliced bread and no other girl can compare to her. Yet you know that is not true but you are truly hung up on that just one girl. This can happen if you are dating or while in a LTR or just simply you are admiring the girl from afar.

    Friendzone is just what the word is. She decides that you are just a friend and have no interests beyond that. Also in a few cases you get to boink each other as well. LOL. It can happen to you too. You can see her just as a friend and not get into a relationship. It is not a bad thing really. If some attractive girl is not reciprocating your advances live and let live. You two can hang out and her attractiveness will elevate yours. Or if she is in a relationship with someone other than you she may have attractive friends. Honestly you really can't lose one way or the other if you are being true to yourself and carry yourself well. You most likely can't win them all and really who wants to because your life will be too occupied. Winning only when it matters and is meaningful with a lasting effect.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 21, 2016
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  8. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, I totally see what you're saying man. Even though she has a boyfriend, she and I are still friends. We get along well and we're pretty chill towards each other. I mean, I still have her number just in case anything happens. I rarely see her now that her life is preoccupied with her new boyfriend, but I really shouldn't be thinking about what's going on with her right now. My life is much more important than that. Anyways, thanks for the advice.
     
  9. Ten

    Ten Guest

    Look up "Corey Wayne she has boyfriend" on YouTube. Then read his book... it'll change your life!
     
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  10. It's normal to feel this way, I don't recommend you trying to break them up, but I really should think you should date other women in the meantime.

    Usually, if you go out regularly, you will meet many other girls who are like her, I know this might seem like I'm not considering how special this particular feeling is, because I used to feel that way all the time, but it's simply isn't true.

    Use your time to improve your socializing skills, going out, and trying new experiences. Don't fall into the illusion that there's only a few girls you can connect with and that you connect with one you get what the other guys call a 'oneitis'

    Good luck man!
     
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  11. vulture175

    vulture175 Fapstronaut

    What the hell did I just read LOL? @GSarosi : You're damn too academic man lol. ISFP here.
    ok let me summarize what GSarosi means: (excuse me :D)
    leave alone the word "Oltis" or what, he means you are being an illusion of "falling in love". You think she's perfect, she's the best, because now your mind only focuses on her ONLY. but if she stands in a bunch of other attractive girls, then maybe she isn't perfect to you anymore. This illusion may affect your feeling with another girl. That means maybe you don't like her at first because you're not in relationship with her, but you might if you are actually with her, confusing eh lol.
    Conclusion, he means you gotta focus on yourself first, and see who really can get along with you. don't be blinded by attraction. attraction and "getting along" are much different. Did I explain that right Gsarosi :D

    By my experiences, I've never been in relationships, but observing a lot ( my friends don't like it :D). And I realize "If you're falling in love with a girl, and you can't find any bad sides of her, then that love is fake" :D. bear with me if i'm wrong.
    However, I would say if you can .... GO FOR IT. Don't let her go. A strong relationship is built on a strong friendship. If you've been her friend for a long time, then this is your advantage. and i hope u can success ( poor that guy, hope he could find another one lol)

    btw @kevinsjj : your goal .....
     
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  12. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

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    Okay, I'll look into that. Thanks :)
     
  13. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

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    Just like other guys, I thank you for your input. I've learned a lot in the last few days, and I'm slowly getting her off my mind as speak.
     
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  14. vulture175

    vulture175 Fapstronaut

  15. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for putting it back in its place lol
     
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  16. GSarosi

    GSarosi Guest

    "Love (Lust/Puppy Love/Infactuation......) has a way of blinding even the sharpest minds. We don't look because we don't want to see. But once love is stripped away, we see the real person clearly. There revealed to us, with all their flaws, their foibles, and their secrets."
     
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  17. vulture175

    vulture175 Fapstronaut

    @GSarosi : damn right. but how could we reveal the truth?

    @Namekian23 : i think i'm having your problem now. my rational mind is being blinded. help :p
     
  18. GSarosi

    GSarosi Guest

    You approach and be guided by the big head. The one above the shoulders. Not the little head which is below the waist. You listen to her actions and not her words. Understand the difference of implicit and explicit meanings in her actions with you.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 27, 2016
  19. vulture175

    vulture175 Fapstronaut

    @GSarosi : I know that man, but just like you said "we don't look because we don't want to see". I mean how can i force myself to look behind the scenes. man i thought isfp is pretty skeptical but i'm not
     
  20. GSarosi

    GSarosi Guest

    Oh when you are in love/lust/infactuated with someone you overlook, ignore, and even pretend that his or her faults do not exist. You mentally put this person on a pedestal. It is tough to do at this emotional state but you remove yourself from this lovey dovey state of mind and to truly know this person. You do so by genuinely connect and let him or her do the talking and you LISTEN.
     

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