I met the girl of my dreams...but she has a boyfriend

Is it possible to see their faults before you fall into oneitis? Is that when you sit them down ask them a load of questions and listen to them?

 

Tell her that you want her that you find her so incredibly sexy and you can't wait any longer for her to be without a boyfriend or anything you just want her asap! You don't have to have sex straight away just be with her. If you want her go for it.

 

All you have to do is text her: "I want you" "when can you meet me" "life is too short to wait any longer"

 

@Namekian23 : "I met the girl of my dreams...but she's married, just few weeks ago". I'm done lol

really love this quote . yeah sometimes we're just too emotional and think too much about a girl and she has never had a thought about us. and then sadness turned into anger

so it's better to not share too much ? i'm just curious why

 

The way I see it - if she has a boyfriend, she's NOT your dream girl. Why do I say this?

Well, it's all a matter of how our brain still works in the same primitive way it was designed to work 100,000+ years ago when we were hunter gatherers who needed to be able to act quickly and on instinct.

Most of us are very familiar with one of these types of instinct that we still have today - the fight or flight response, the thing that pushes us into a surge of anxious adrenaline in certain situations, making us feel like we could die any moment - in situations that these days are very safe, like perhaps a job interview or a new social situation.

A lot of us however forget about one of the other big evolutionary instincts we still have left over from then - and that's related to our drive to reproduce. 100,000 years ago, when we found a potential mate, our brain had to be able to direct its selective focus only to this person, to ensure that we would then attempt to reproduce with them - rather than just being nonchalant about it and perhaps not bothering. Reproduction was crucial to the survival of the species, and so any time we had a good opportunity, from an evolutionary perspective it was important that we felt like this was something extremely important that we had to do - and that we didn't get distracted by thoughts of other females who weren't present, but that we were instead focused entirely on this one female, until the job was done.

Now, just like the fight or flight response is a pain in the ass in modern society - triggering that "We're gonna die, run!" response in situations that feature zero danger.. The way our brain handles the drive to reproduce can also be a pain:

Whenever we find a woman that "ticks all the boxes" for us, our brain instantly goes "Okay, we need to ensure his focus is on her until our species has further been propagated - let's forget about all other women now". As a result, every time you begin to get strongly attracted to a girl, you will feel as if this girl is somehow so unique that if you lost her you'll NEVER get such a chance again. Why do you get that feeling? Well it's simple, 100,000 years ago, when populations were much smaller and we did not have an interconnected society like today - if you met a potential mate, there was a good chance if you missed your chance, that you really WOULDN'T EVER get a chance again. This is why every time we get that feeling.

On the contrary, now, if you meet a girl, and things don't work out: Yes you'll be beat up about it afterwards if you were special - but the world is full of wonderful guys and girls, and you'll eventually be able to recover and have feelings for someone new.

So with this in mind.. what does this actually mean? Well it means that feeling is a trick played by the way our brain is trying to keep our species alive.

So does that mean we can't find someone special, someone to love, someone to spend our lives with? No, that's absolutely not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is that, REGARDLESS of whether or not the person in question is a suitable candidate to love, spend your life with, etc, you will STILL have those feelings, in every single case of really strong attraction. So, you have to be able to override them a little, and bring a little logic into the equation. In your town/city alone there are hundreds, perhaps thousands, of girls who would be completely perfect matches for you that you could spend many years/decades in a happy relationship with, so with that in mind..

You have to ask yourself:
- Do I have a reasonable shot with this woman or would my time be spent better pursuing one of the other hundreds/thousands in the area? (i.e. is she available and interested? If not, time to move on, it's only your caveman brain still trying to get you to hang around in a situation that isn't going anywhere)
- How long are things likely to last with this woman? Is there genuine compatibility or is my evolutionary response blinding me to potential things that would get in the way of us having a long lasting relationship? (A good way to handle this one, is to write down a list of everything that could potentially get in the way of a lasting relationship with this person, whether it's differences in opinion you have, any particular flaws you or they have, etc - write a long list, even the little things that are minor and wouldn't have much of an effect. The idea behind this is to remind yourself: Hey this is a person, and like me and every other person, they have flaws too - are the particular flaws this person has ones that will suit my own, or are they ones that'll cause detriment in our relationship down the line?)
- Has the evidence you've seen so far from your interactions with this person shown that you can trust them? (This is another one we often times forget. It's all well and good if someone is available, ticks off every box on your list of what'd make up your ideal woman, and seems to be everything you want.. but then a couple of years in you discover she's untrustworthy, cheats on you, and it was all for nothing.)
- Is there something about this person that genuinely makes a relationship worth pursuing - rather than waiting for a better opportunity with someone else? (Take a moment to step back from your feelings, and write down the reasons that you feel that this person is worth getting into a relationship with. Do not include anything that constitutes a feeling. i.e. "They make me feel good" or "I really like them" should be symptoms of them having lots of awesome qualities that would make them relationship-worthy - but if you can't name said qualities, it's probably your caveman brain tricking you into feels again.)

In short, don't rely on how you feel about a girl to tell you whether you're a good fit or not. Use logic, and act in spite of feelings. You will feel strongly for many girls who would not be good to pursue (or simply aren't available to pursue in the first place) - the trick is to use the logical part of your brain to see when such a situation is good, and when it isn't, and act accordingly.

If you find someone that is available, trustworthy, likely to be able to be in a long relationship with you, and has many qualities that would make them a great partner - that's the time when you can say "Okay caveman brain, you got this, let me have all them feels" and let yourself fall for someone.

If on the other hand, they aren't available, or you can't trust them, or they have too many things that would get in the way of a successful relationship - that's the time to step in, pull a Kanye, and be like "Hey caveman brain, I'mma let you finish, but.." and then get the hell out of there.

Be smart about it. Feelings are great, but you have to be able to keep them in check enough to only act on them when it's going to be good for you in the long run.

 

it sounds like pmo eh. first it makes us happy, it makes us feel good, then .... we all know.

 

@Namekian23.....

Sounds like not all is lost. She came into your life and made a positive impact on you one way or the other. You should definitely channel that into something awesome where you become the best version of you. Then one day I am sure someone just as great if not greater will cross paths with you and you will not let things slip away.

 

HahahHhHaha.

 

Cry me a river.

If a girl has a bf it doesn't mean she's not fair game. If there's a ring on her finger I can respect that.

I've been taught by dudes back in the day that law of the jungle is whoever the woman wants to be with determines who she is with, just because she has a man doesn't mean a better can't come along and pick her away.

ADOPT THE MENTALITY OF JUNGLE CAT AND MAN UP.

Lol jk, sort of.