Backstory tldr: Last summer, I confessed my feelings to my crush and friend but had to learn she has a boyfriend now. Long version here. We haven't seen each other since we got home from that field trip. Not because we're avoiding each other, just because we didn't have any classes together last semester. I've been doing okay the past months but for the past week or so, I suddenly seem to miss her again really badly. Today, the reason dawned on me. What I'm really missing is her warm light that brightens my dull, grey life. That feeling of joy when I'd see her the first time in the morning, just spending a lunch break with her and enjoying her company...Now that is all gone. Even if we had some classes together again this semester, those feelings wouldn't be the same because I know she is in a relationship now. She was for me like sunlight burning through thick winter fog in my mind. Ever since last summer, the eternal gray fog is back. Nothing to look forward to, no racing heart, no excitement, no little victories, nothing...just cold, damp fog.