I need a big favor - song analysis - Please...

Gah. This is going to sound like goofy emo high school stuff, and I'm way too old for that, but...

I've posted elsewhere on here about a strange relationship I have with a particular girl. I won't rehash it all, but will point out that I want to become closer friends with her (confidants, hopefully) but I am not interested in her romantically or sexually for multiple reasons. We both have trouble expressing ourselves and so sometimes communicate in subtle ways online. We are each other's only subscribers on youtube and sometimes will "like" videos just to bring them to the other's attention. Sometimes these have been songs. Sometimes she will "like" a song on Pandora and then go "like" an audio-only clip of it on youtube. The only reason I can conceive is that she wants to direct me to it.

The huge favor I need is for someone else to look up the lyrics to some songs we've shared and help me interpret what's being communicated.

She had recently brought my attention to these two songs:
Hippie Sabotage - Stay High
Pink Floyd - Comfortably Numb

This reinforced my impression that she has similar mood issues to me, so I responded with:
Stevie Nicks - Talk to Me

She had suddenly started making a large amount of bookmarks (30+) on Pandora as if making a list for some purpose. She now deleted almost all of them but has "liked" several songs on youtube, all of which I think were on that bookmark list:
Nirvana - Something in the Way (the video she chose was posted by an account with the name "ihatemyself")
Nine Inch Nails - Every Day is Exactly the Same (she knows this is my ringtone)
Coldplay - A Message
MGMT - Congratulations
Tool - Sober
I don't believe she actually uses any alcohol or drugs (can't imagine how she'd find opportunity in her circumstance), but I can't be 100% certain.

Somebody (hopefully several of you) PLEASE read these song lyrics and tell me what you think. Am I reading too much into this? Or, God forbid, too little? I would be extremely grateful. I don't have anyone real life right now that I would trust with this.

 

Thank you for the reply, but what I need is not really an interpretation of the individual song lyrics. Rather, I would like someone to tell me what they think they mean as a group, in this context, sent specifically to me.

 

Thank you so much, Up up and away. That was my feeling as well. I just wanted outside perspective to be sure I'm not imagining her reaching out to me in a random assortment of songs. Yes, I need to stop being coy and explicitly offer my help...but it's going to be very hard for me to be that bold. She of all people should appreciate how hard that is, but there's also a chance that being that forward will cause her to withdraw completely.

I would still enthusiastically welcome opinions from anyone else.

 

Thanks again. You've been quite helpful. I really like part of the Latimore lyrics. Unfortunately, I have to be careful and other parts prevent me from using that one. "You and me oughta be getting it on," is a bit out of bounds as I am much older than her and married. I did use Three Little Birds, though. Still trying to decide just how to break through our mutual defenses without being too awkward or creepy.

 

I followed up Three Little Birds with two songs I've shown her before:
Fireflight - Stand Up
VNV Nation - Illusion (a version with Andy Huang's haunting "Doll Face" animation which is also kind of relevant)

then
The Verve - Bitter Sweet Symphony
and one I mark as NSFW because of the vocalist's tendency to expose herself to varying degrees.
[nsfw]The Pretty Reckless - Zombie[/nsfw]

She was at some friends' house all day yesterday so probably never logged on to any of her accounts, but over night or today she has tagged a song by the same band:
[nsfw]The Pretty Reckless - Make Me Wanna Die[/nsfw]
Its lyrics are about feeling inadequate for someone you are in love with. The singer was 16 (the age of my friend) when the video was shot and in it she's [nsfw]shedding all of her belongings and clothing while[/nsfw] walking to a cemetery where she drops into a flaming grave.

Now I'm really confused. I don't know how much to read into the lyrics or imagery or if she just wants to direct attention again to the fact that she likes this band (and may want to go to their concert with me).

I hate that is so difficult for us to be direct but this shared personality type is part of why I feel it's so important for me to be there for her. I just don't want to overstep and cause her to shut me out.

 

God, I hope not. That would make things so much more complicated. I keep trying to consider the possibility, but I find it unfathomable. I'm old, fat, and hairy. Could simply being empathetic really cause that strong a reaction? Or can "daddy issues" really be that powerful?

If she showed any dislike for my wife, I would consider that a sure sign, but she outwardly acts as if she has no preference between us.

One of her closest friends is a guy a year or so younger than her. I can't be sure, but my impression is that he would like to be more than friends, but while she values him, she just doesn't feel that way. I believe he may have emotional issues comparable to ours. On park outings, they often disappear together. I sincerely believe that they simply go to talk in private about these issues. It makes me wonder what she thinks she sees in me that she can't get from him. After all, I clearly haven't conquered my emotional problems either. And I'm certainly far less desirable romantically.

 

I can't. If I'm right about her issues and she is that much like me, I can't not help if she needs me. I've needed someone so badly to talk to so many times and I know how miserable it is. If her young friend is insufficient, I need to be there for her.

And just maybe she can help me, too.

 

That's a very good point. I don't think I'd describe her as flirting though. Only a couple of previous songs could have had romantic connotations and they also lent themselves to other interpretations. Only the most recent was sexually suggestive, and it could be entirely incidental as she knows how much I like the band. (Or maybe that's just plausible deniability which is sort of the point of this indirect style.) She's certainly never been flirtatious in person. She never even dresses the least bit suggestively - total jeans and t-shirts girl.
I saw her briefly tonight and she didn't even look at me. This is not uncommon behavior for her (and not just towards me).

To avoid pronoun confusion I'm going to start calling this girl L. My wife knows which websites I communicate with L on. I've told her that I think L has a very similar emotional makeup to me and the accompanying mood issues. I also told her that I wish L would open up more to me because it would be good for L. I have not told her how we've used songs to express ourselves. One reason is that I worry that if my wife starts to think I'm right, she may go directly to L's mother. L obviously doesn't want to talk to her mother about this and it could destroy the trust I've been working so hard to build. If L decides that she wants to go somewhere to talk to me face to face, then obviously we'll have to inform both my wife and L's mother, but that will be different.

After obsessing...er, thinking about it in the total context, I've decided that the most likely message behind her latest song is that she fears what I would think of her if I knew her secrets.
I tried to show unity with that sentiment with
Gravity Kills - Guilty
and defended my slow approach with
Coldplay - What If

This discussion has been just what I was looking for. Just kicking the ideas around with impartial outsiders. I really appreciate it.

 

This is incredibly illuminating. Thank you so much. Ironically I have actually been accused of thinking like a teenaged girl (usually by my wife, playfully), but I was having trouble wrapping my head around the possibility of romantic attachment here. (Although in full disclosure, L's mother has told my wife how attractive I am.) I will keep your perspective in mind and be alert for infatuation.

The only part I don't completely agree with is about being direct instead of playing games. I know as a teen, I could not have explicitly revealed my depression and self-esteem problems to anyone, but I would have jumped on a chance to hint at them in veiled terms to a sympathetic soul, hoping to coax them into opening up to me first.

So if the "romantic feelings" possibility plays out, can you give me any advice on letting her down easy without injuring her self-esteem and still preserving our friendship and hopefully confidant status?

 

I definitely try to be a model of a healthy, or at least stable, relationship for this family, because their dad is so...detached, messed up, unreliable, etc. Their other strongest father figure and relationship role model is a wonderful gay father of one of their friends, but I am much more directly and consistently involved with all but one of the kids than he is.

I would almost certainly benefit from reducing pop culture influence in my life, but it's difficult. Especially since much of my bonding with L has been over music and horror movies.

 

Oh my God, I can be so dense sometimes.

I found a few days ago that L had bleached her hair for, as far as I know, the first time in her life. It's pretty light but her mom said they weren't finished with it and implied they were going to lighten it more. I asked L if she was really going to go even lighter and she gave me a goofy grin and shrug. It crossed my mind that she might be bleaching it to emulate the singer from the band I love that she has recently started showing interest in (and may be hoping to see in concert with me). I didn't think much of it at the time, but in the light of Rewired's insight, I see a much bigger chance of it having significance. L doesn't know that I have a slight preference for dark hair, but this could also serve as a way to set her apart from my wife who dyes her hair dark (sometimes unnaturally dark )

And then I remembered something else.

L and I communicate on Google+ because I don't do Facebook. I am really the only person she goes there for as everyone else she interacts with is on Facebook (And she interacts only minimally). She is an artist and a couple of months ago on G+ posted a skull-cat drawing she did. I occasionally use my wife's Facebook account to check things I know I've missed, and I noticed she did not share the drawing on Facebook. Her mother eventually did. I just assumed L thought I would most appreciate it because of our shared appreciation for morbid subjects, artistic nature, and maybe our mood issues. Three weeks ago she shared another drawing only on G+. I just checked and it still isn't on Facebook. I thought of it in the same category as the other and assumed she shared it with me for the same reasons. It was an anatomical heart. She posted it with the comment " ". It takes on very different significance with my adjusted perspective.

How can I further our connection to help her with her emotional issues while simultaneously letting her know that a relationship can't happen and also not hurt or embarrass her? I guess part of it needs to be finding a way to emphasize my commitment to my wife.

This is an extremely surreal situation for me to find myself in.