I need a woman but the right one

Yeah but one thing is that the good woman also wants good man. And as I see you are posting this on forum for people with addiction to pornography.
I don’t think any good woman want to be in relationship with man who is addicted to porn or some other shit.
So you need to ask yourself “what man I need to become to attract good women. “

 

Oh no. People are going to start claiming you're another one of my "alternate accounts," because I agree with everything you just said. lol spot on advice

 

Gonna save this, actually, this is very good advice. Your last point reminds me of a line in a poem. I'll put the entire poem in a spoiler, but it's the last verse especially.

Spoiler

It doesn't interest me
what you do for a living.
I want to know
what you ache for
and if you dare to dream
of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me
how old you are.
I want to know
if you will risk
looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me
what planets are
squaring your moon...
I want to know
if you have touched
the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened
by life's betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know
if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know
if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you
to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations
of being human.

It doesn't interest me
if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear
the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know
if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
"Yes."

It doesn't interest me
to know where you live
or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me
who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me
where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know
what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know
if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like
the company you keep
in the empty moments.

 

Oh my gosh, that poem is beautiful. Do you know who the author is?

I like to start my novels with a quote sometimes, but I have to ensure it's legal to use. Poems are sometimes good, if they are old, because they're out of copyright. One of those lines in particular would be perfect for one of my books.

 

A woman who refers to herself as "Oriah Mountain Dreamer". She has numerous other works too. Link here.

 

Thank you!

 

Wow, talk about poor reading comprehension. If you're going to use your incomplete and incredibly biased interpretation of my personal story, to justify stuck up self-centered behavior, I pray no man has the misfortune of befriending or confiding in you.

 

Be a good man. A high value man.
And millions of good women will suddenly pop up.
You can't buy a Ferrari with pennies. Always remember that.

 

Holy crap dude. That's pretty freaking harsh.

Also, gotta wonder why you only picked on my comment, when two men before me basically said the same thing to you...

 

Be open and patient. I am sure she will appear when the time is right.

 

That's weird; I never got notifications except for your comment. I don't troll through month old threads looking for things to disagree with

 

Lol neither do I... this thread was recently posted on. It's not like it was buried pages down. When people post on things, it brings it to the top. Welcome to how the internet works, I guess.

 

Ok, so I don't even go searching through more recent threads looking for stuff to disagree with. Thanks for strengthening my point.

At the this point though, I might as well explain some of the relevant details to the whole situation which you ridiculed me about.

This girl in question signed a covenant prior to joining the program, a covenant not to pursue any romantic relationships with anyone during the program. It's a Christian discipleship program, not a dating program.


You may or may not be capable of feeling compassion for men who get rejected and disrespected and I can't help you there. You may or may not feel any covenant which limits romantic behavior can be valid, and I cannot help you there either. But I don't find those it rationally or morally acceptable to deny those.

Soon as this girl rejected me, in addition to signing up for that same program later that very same night, she also made it a point to follow me to two separate Bible studies I had earlier told her I attended. She started showing up early for all these dinner and movie nights I put on at my house, etc. She acted like my new best friend.

Then the program started. The day of, she came over to talk with me at my house for about twenty minutes, then went home to pack. About an hour later, we both arrived, and suddenly she's all awkward, barely acknowledges I'm there.

I'm trying to get to know everyone, but know her best, yet she makes everything awkward now and won't talk.

After two weeks or so, I find a good time to tell her I'm not trying to romantically pursue her and sincerely home to be a good brotherly help to her in her journey. At the same time, I also explain that it's not easy. Maybe you lack the ability to empathize, but that's your own problem.

Stuff got a lot better for a bit, then she started blatantly flirting with this guy in the program whom I had hoped to be good friends with. Again, maybe you're unable to empathize. But in reality, that is not a fun situation. It hurt, and yet I neither pushed myself in their way nor did anything resembling rudeness to them. If they seemed like they wanted alone time, I for my part stayed out of their way.

By the mid-way through, me and her started having what seemed like a true friendship again. She told me how glad she was for not chucking her aside like other men in her life had.

I did ask the guy, for the sake of our friendship, not to stay out alone with her in the kitchen until 1 in the morning during the program. He largely played dumb, and made no discernable change.

By the end of tye program, the leadership pulled them into a several hours long meeting after which both of them gave their forced, though seemingly sincere apologies for their behavior. They admitted they had acted selfishly, violat8ng the covenant they agreed to and to the detriment of the whole team. They themselves admitted this.

I thought we were still friends, and when I messaged her hours after finally leaving the program, she reassured me she wanted to continue being friends and attending events we had planned at my house. "Great!" I thought "So we saved our friendship after all!"

Then a couple days later, I see her as she's giving hugs to everyone who was in the program (we'd all grown pretty close), I ask her for a hug (again, not uncommon at all for anyone in the group). She just says "no."

I'm so stunned I assume hope she must have misheard or something, and back away leaving her be. Then the event at my house she'd voluntarily said she was eager to attend, she's a no show. I call, text. No answer.

Next morning she answers with some sugar-coated fluff that I call her out on, asking why the sudden change of heart? She says she needs space. Then she shows up to two separate weddings I attended, and it's incredible awkward and mutually dehumanizing as I endeavor to give said space. My sister said it was really awkward for her when the girl came up and talked to her for a good 10 minutes while I was sitting right next to her.



The point is, many are not lucky in love. Asking the wrong girl out can cause a man a lot of heartache and trouble, which again you may never comprehend.

 

The only valuable advice given in this thread imho.

 

Sounds like your situation is a whole lot more complicated than you originally described. I admit I may have been wrong when I assumed she did nothing wrong, although I still don't think all of this stuff you are painting as horrible of her is horrible. Half of this stuff, like her joining certain programs and being friendly to you and trying to get to know other people in the program, showing up early to events, etc, is literally just her being a person and living her life. None of that is wrong. Like... 90% of what you just described is exactly what I said in my original post. She shouldn't be made to feel bad about living her life and treating you like a friend would treat a friend.

I do agree that her attitude toward the end was wrong and hurtful. My guess is that she thinks you turned her and that other guy in, and she's mad about it, which I agree is stupid of her.

The way she was rude to you in the end is the only thing I agree with you taking personally and being hurt by. Everything else was just her living her life, and you reading into things and feeling uncomfortable because of your feelings for her, which is not her problem if she already made it clear she wasn't romantically interested in you.

The only other thing she did wrong was breaking that covenant, however, the fact that you seem to be taking that personally is also wrong. It has nothing at all to do with you. Her relationship with some other guy is not a slight to you. I'm not saying I have no compassion or empathy and can't understand how that would be hard to watch, but being mad at her about it, as if she is intentionally personally hurting you, is wrong. She, again, is just living her life.

My ex was an extremely huge jerk to me at the end of our relationship. Said he wanted to remain friends and had a super kind and tearful breakup, only to then completely ignore me and act like I never existed. And when I got upset about that and called him out on that being hurtful, he then acted like I was crazy. It was extremely hurtful. Probably the most hurt I've ever been in my life, up until recent events. But I wouldn't have acted like he was doing something horrible to personally hurt me when he started dating someone else. Did it hurt to see? Absolutely. But it's a bit of a huge leap to go from being hurt and sad, to blaming him and saying it's hard for me not to hate men now.

Because let's not forget that you literally ended your first post by saying "it's hard not to hate women." So clearly I thought your comment showed an extremely toxic mindset... I still believe it does. And as I've said, two other people before me also thought it showed a toxic mindset, and told you as much, so I'm not sure why I'm the only one being lobbed with labels of being unable to feel compassion or empathy, or acting like I'm some kind of troll just searching for things to disagree with, which is absurd. I was simply reading this thread, like everybody else is doing, and I saw your comment and responded.

I admit I probably assumed a bit too much, however I do still think some of what I said is true, and I would say that in the future if you don't want people to think you have a toxic mindset of bitterness, you probably should refrain from saying it's hard not to hate women because you are single and have faced some rejection, just like most everybody else in the world has, myself included.

Sorry you're going through a hard time though. I know losing friends is hard. It's probably time to accept that she isn't a good friend and just move on.

 

In fact, I can actually see how this could easily happen, if I put myself in her shoes.

Let's say she really enjoys your friendship, but she can tell you like her romantically and she doesn't feel the same way.

But then, one day, that romantic interest comes to light, and she is able to be clear and say she isn't interested in you that way.

It makes perfect sense to me that, after that conversation, she might feel more comfortable being closer friends with you, because she doesn't feel like she has to put some distance between you anymore, in order to not give you the wrong idea. Since everything has already been stated, she probably felt like you guys could just relax and be better friends now.

I completely understand that, personally. I've known guys in the past who I actually would have loved to be better friends with, but I could tell that they wanted more, so I didn't want to be too friendly and lead them on. So I would put a little bit of distance there, so as not to appear like I'm interested in them romantically.

But if all of that was out in the open, I can totally see how that would make her start to be more friendly and closer to you.

That's the kind of thing I'm talking about when I said it's unfair to blame her for things like coming over early or "all of a sudden acting like we're best friends." You are friends... maybe she even enjoyed your friendship enough to want to be your best friend, or closer friends.

If that's painful for you, then it's up to you to be honest with yourself and with her and say you don't want to be friends anymore or something. What's not fair is to continue being friends, but then secretly resent her and feel bitter towards her for causing you pain, when she is just being friendly and has no idea she is causing you pain.

That's really the main point I was getting at with my original comment, and I think that point is still relevant.