I need advices (stuck with a weird fetish that keeps making me relapse)

I’m not sure why I’m the first to respond but it’s like a baby squirrel imprinting to humans as parents if you get them before they open their eyes. The latex thing was your first and it opened your eyes. On top of that you had a chemical imprint when you had your first orgasm. I’m 44 and can vividly recall my first abuse at age 7 and every detail from the smell of the Vaseline, coldness of the white tile floor to the sun coming in the window and the dust in the air. I can’t tell you what I ate for dinner without thinking but all of that is Crystal clear. This site is awesome so use the resources. I’m in SA and on step 9 so without both I would be a mess. You have time to improve or get worse. Truth is you will probably do a little of both but look at the trend. If you’re working on getting better and doing one thing better it’sa win.

 

I have no idea if the fetish is reversible or not. 14 is quite late but it played a huge role in your sexual awakening. I had both natural fetish (I had signs that it will be a thing since I was a child, years before puberty) and some porn induce that I managed to get rid off.

But it doesn't really matter if the fetish is removable or not. Your problem is PMO. Fetishes can be coped with. Focus on nofap and be patient, it is the most important advice. Don't tease yourself with fetish material. It might take months or years but fetishes can be managable.

Btw. I have a furry fetish, especially for anthro reptiles. So I consider argonian girls cutes in TES games lol. Wierd. Latex is normie tier kink, you might have ended worse if that can makes you feel better.

 

I think the most dangerous thing you can tell yourself is that you have damaged yourself beyond repair. Because the reality is that everyone has warped experiences in the past, but that doesn’t have to affect your future. You are now in full control of your future. You can choose whichever path you want. If you have an addiction, to get out of it, you need to focus everyday on getting out of it and you will make progress, if it is a deep addiction, there will be relapse, but you will progress if you keep at it. Identify triggers and remove them one by one. Identify more beneficial activities and introduce them to replace porn activities.

 

I don't see why you're placing such negative judgement on having a fetish, especially if neither of you are causing hurting each other. If you want a serious long term relationship, you need to ensure you're compatible over the long term especially if you're monogamous. Of course you'll need to find a woman that's MORE than *just* kinky, since her personality and character are important too. Be sure to tell girls you date about your fantasy after the first couple of dates. If she freaks the f--- out, she isn't long term material. Speaking from experience, if she gets excited and indulges, you're in for a trip at first, but the power of the taboo, forbidden, subversive, "bad" fetish quickly changes into a just fun thing to do once in a while (it's really not practical getting into crazy latex outfits and doing bondage all the time for sex).

The problem here is using PMO, not the existence of a fetish.

p.s. Fulfilling fantasies, and having regular sex, does not make it easier to quit PMO (at least for me).

 

@primaljade I can understand why you would advise this, but I am beginning to disagree. I think this can vary from person to person, but I think fetishes and PMO can go hand-in-hand. I.e, it is ok to have a fetish, but the brain can link those desires with PMO, and the two become inextricably linked.
Hence, for some people, it might be necessary to fight the battle on two fronts and remove the fetish desires as well as the PMO addiction. As someone with many niche fetishes, I am coming to realise that my fetishes haven't brought me satisfaction, as they are deeply entwined with my urge to PMO. Porn removes the other senses of touch, smell, taste, so in that way fetishes can also be problematic for some as the experience in real life is very different to the porn experience.

I would argue from my own experience + other posts here that a fetish can become an obsession, and the mind will chose to gain arousal from that alone (i.e normal sexual activity will not naturally provide arousal like it should).

@Shoopidywoop a latex/bondage fetish can be completely normal in principle, if it compliments normal sexual desires and appetite. However if it becomes an obsession, and possibly even the only thing that arouses you, it could be time to try and work to forget it, until you're in a relationship or position where it fits in.

As others have said above, porn has a way of inducing and strengthening fetishes (from common to uncommon). There is definitely time to change if you think that your fetish is motivated by porn, and is affecting you negatively

 

My mind can change but I'd need to see proof that these two are inextricable.

 

Desire is antifragile, the more you resist it, the more it persists. If you try to extinguish desire, it becomes more and more of an obsession. That's something I'm going through right now. The key is that you can't rid yourself of this desire directly. That will only cause more OCD. What you need to do is replace it with an even better desire like...a healthy and deep sex life with someone that you thoroughly vetted. For me, I know that the best sex I have is with girls who genuinely like me, after a long time of abstinence and also if I don't cum in the end. However, I've had tons of fetishes over the addicted years and some I still struggle with. But nowadays, I just try to remind myself as often as possible that my sexuality needs to fit in with the rest of my life, it isn't this totally isolated part of me. I don't want a sexuality that relies on such high levels of stimulation and weirdness to get off bc a) that's only going to lead to more and more bizarre mutations b) it's too high maintenance and not good for the brain due to its wear and tear effects on reward circuitry and focus c) I want to appreciate the simpler and more subtle aspects of human desire instead of train wrecking it with insane material (think eating a delicious salad sprinkled with olive oil and feta cheese Vs stuffing yourself with a bowl of fudge covered doritos while playing battlefield 4 with VA glasses and surround sound. The latter may be insanely stimulating but AT.WHAT.COST...

So remember, DO NOT REPRESS...instead...REPLACE

 

I would also recommend the book Cupid's Poison Arrow by Marnia Robinson. She's the wife of the guy who started Your Brain on Porn and it's an excellent book to help you rediscover the joys of more subtle sex and is actually a very fun read without too much woo woo crap although there is some of that too if you're into it