I need APs, very lonely and I do not want to do it alone anymore.

Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by HopeFaith, Oct 24, 2015.

  1. HopeFaith

    HopeFaith Fapstronaut

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    I have completed my first 5 days of a reboot ever. Firstly I was so honey I was imagining having sex in my mind with everything that moved, people, animals, passers by on the street, old and young alike. I was so uncomfortable down there it was really hurting me. That feeling eased off around day 4 and I could feel that sexual energy spreading upwards into my tommy and being reabsorbed back into my body. I was so proud and happy with myself and felt I would easily make it through and escape my addiction on my first attempt. I was already feeling huge improvements in my self esteem, people skills, others started noticing me more too. First time ever I would not shy out from talking to people and felt confident to maintain short conversations.

    On my day 5 extreme loneliness has hit me, it was even more noticeable as I have dropped from my previous high. The trigger was a real life event. At work a man has fainted and I had to deal with him. He was 2 years younger than me, appeared to be shy and had a history of anxiety, loneliness, depression. When I asked him if there was anybody that could pick him up and take him home he said no. He lived in this area for more than 2 years and felt he could not even ask the people at work to help.
    This was like looking in the mirror for me. I am like him!:(

    I was already on day 5 of my reboot and felt it was me that has brought all of this on as I have somehow connected to him and understood where his problem was. All I wanted to say to him was STOP FAPING!!! CANT YOU SEE HOW THIS IS AFFECTING YOU? But I was at work and could not do that. I am sure I would have been fired. I never met him before but just looking at him made me feel very scared and hopeless and it brought me right down from my positive high. All I wanted to do is run away from the black whole that was encompassing him.

    I could not deal with the realisation that the last 20 years of my life has been waisted by my occasional faping. I never understood that people were avoiding me because I carried around with me that black hole of depleted energy. I started faping since puberty and since then started suffering from depression and moved from one addiction to the next. Because of my fapping I could not feel or connect to the energy radiated by other people. For them I was like that man was for me today. Total energy black hole. I knew people were avoiding me and I was avoiding them....... For 20 years I could not understand why.

    So I went home and made myself better the only way I knew how...but it did not work this time. I immediately regretted it and now I do not only feel honey again but also very washed out. In bed struggling to do anything now.

    Now can see clearly how I have waisted my best years of life. I am trying not to feel sorry for myself but it is hard. I know if I continue to feel sorry for meself I will waist another 20 years. I have to pull through to the end and come out on the other side to live the ramaining years I have got left.

    I just do not know how to being so alone.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  2. CallMeVivid

    CallMeVivid Fapstronaut

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    Hey are you still looking for an AP? I'm on day 2 and I think an AP would also benefit myself as well!
     
  3. I am in need of an AP also
     
  4. I'm Spiderman

    I'm Spiderman Fapstronaut

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    An advide that the other day i saw on yourbrainonporn.com:

    dont fight about porn, be pro-abstinence

    You would be thinking about be anti-negative?

    No because if you think about be anti-negative, you are thinking negative.
    The good way is thinkin positive, not anti-negative

    With this is the same!

    Dont be anti-porn, be in favor of abstinence.

    You should look for an AP Female can help you better than a man.

    Your friend and neighbour
     
    HippyMinstrel likes this.
  5. g2stop

    g2stop Fapstronaut

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    @HopeFaith you have the best years of your life ahead of you!
     
    iborntobefree likes this.
  6. HopeFaith

    HopeFaith Fapstronaut

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    Yes, I have just realised that!!!! Every single man and girl on this web side is so beautiful and so supportive. I never saw people as being so beautiful before.
     
  7. Pavel

    Pavel Fapstronaut

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    Count me in!
     
  8. HopeFaith

    HopeFaith Fapstronaut

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    Sure , but you have to kid of earn it.
    What is beautiful about a drug addict? Nothing much.
    What is beautiful about an addict trying to quit? Quite a lot.
    What is beautiful about an addict who have quitted? Everything. What is your best streak so far?
     
  9. Pavel

    Pavel Fapstronaut

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    I dont think i gotta earn nothing related to the AP, sorry, best of lucks yet with this process!!
     
  10. HopeFaith

    HopeFaith Fapstronaut

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    You are earning by trying to stop PMO and taking your first steps towards self control and mastering your desires. This counts. So do not give up. You do not need to continue with your addictions anymore. This is you life so do not let it be run by a sex tape. There are many people who want to stay addicted and this is sad. You are at least trying.
     

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