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Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by Dr Kool-Aid, Mar 16, 2019.
But I'm still developing tho because I'm 13 what if my sexuality is actually changing!!!!
Right now you're seeing it as this soul-crushingly big "OMG I can't be gay, I'm gay, I don't want this, I'm freaking out," and...well, having that response for a moment, sure...understandable, I guess. Look at it again with what you know about yourself, and who you know yourself to be. You are ok.
Being gay isn't a "I watched a video of two guys and now I'm gay" kind of thing. And there's no moment where you're walking along and all of a sudden you clutch your penis, fall to the ground, pass out, and when you wake up you're straight, either. It's a growing, developing thing.
And yeah, you are developing, and - while I'm pretty sure you meant orientation, I'm going to riff off what you said anyways - your sexuality is changing, because you are changing it. You have agency here! You get to choose as well.
So what do you want to be?
Clearly this thread isn't working out for you.
You don't need the off-topic section kid; you need therapy.
Go get checked out.
What do you mean?
He means you get to have control of what you are sexually attracted to and what you don't want to be sexually attracted to, realize that your "attraction" to She-males is just a disgusting fantasy which has developed in the back of your mind because you have become desensitized by the "normal porn". Just stay away from porn and go out there and try to have an interest in real girls not pictures of girls or pictures of cartoon girl or even pictures of disgusting trannies pretending to be girls. TAKE CONTROL NOW, because no one is going to take control for you, have a goal because when you do not have a goal you are just going to drift around from place to place and eventually your HOCD will get worse and worse and god forbid it may lead you to depression or even suicide.
The way in which you express your sexuality is being constructed by you.
You asked "what if my sexuality is actually changing" - which, I think you meant, "what if my orientation [preferring men or women] is changing?"
I meant sexuality as: how one expresses sexual preferences, sexual identity and sexual behaviour.
So what I mean was, you are in control of how you express yourself, you control your sexual preferences, you have power over your sexual identity, and you choose your sexual behaviour.
So what if my orientation is changing?
If your orientation is changing, then you have control over that, too. Réné Descartes, the guy who came up with "I think, therefore I am," made himself prefer cross-eyed women, and ended up marrying one and living quite happily with her.
@WhataShame I'm not convinced he has HOCD. People keep thinking Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is washing your hands twice, when in reality it's more scrubbing your hands until you bleed and having to check the gaddamn soap 46 times before you leave the room. Having a couple thoughts about if he's gay or not is normal, HOCD is f*cking life ruining and is a clinical diagnosis. He's miles away from that.
I show all the symptoms I have had three previous obsessions before this one so how is this not ocd
Brother. You are going through a lot. I want to let you that you are not alone. I will not let a day go by not checking in on you until I know you are out of the woods.
Let me start off by saying that I know all the attractions you've claimed to have, or claimed to dream about. Starting from little to big: I have watched gay porn. I have watched lesbian porn. I have watched transgender/shemale porn. I have had sexual dreams about my mother. I have had sexual dreams about my frickin father! I have had sexual thoughts (conscious) toward my mother. I have had sexual thoughts (conscious) toward my father. I have had sexual thoughts (conscious) toward my best friend, who is a guy. This morning I was fantasizing for a good half hour about sucking dick and doing anal with other men. Finally, I sometimes act gay around my friends and other girls because it feels fun.
Okay. I've done all that. I am not gay. I am straight. Because I choose to be. I will be straight. Because I choose to be. I think your heart and mind are in the right place. You are a guy and you do not want to be gay. Good. Now choose not to be. Choose to not let these thoughts and emotions control who you are. I don't. You don't have to either.
There is freedom for you. You need to hold on. You got this brother.
Bullshit, a 13 year old doesn´t need any therapy because of upcoming confusing sexual ideas, that´s normal and healthy. Sexuality is fluid and differs in puberty, there is absolutly no reason to freak out about anything.
I would beg to differ.
I think that if this isn't working for him he needs some therapy. Not because he needs to change his sexuality, but because he needs, and wants, to stop freaking out.
As you said, he has no reason to freak out. If he has no reason to, then he should stop. If he can't stop on his own, then he needs help. If no one in his life has helped yet, then considering therapy is a great idea.
i'm not diagnosing him with HOCD im merely just trying to comfort and support and tell the dude that what he has to do is approach his problem with a new mindset.
Therapy is therapy. Age doesn't even matter yo. If you face a psychological issue that you are unable to manage on your own, you go to therapy. It's that simple. 13 or 63 makes no difference.
I would freak out if I was straight then all of a sudden I became gay
I hit puberty at 9
This does not mean you are gay.
You have control over what you dream and it certainly does not define your sexuality.
The thing is you are quite young
With very less emotional experience
When was the last time you watched porn
Also dreams are weird
I had wet dreams regarding exams
In which I am giving exam suddenly Time ran out
And out of pressure I ejaculate
So that doesn't make me attracted to books....
Maybe you were quite stressed during that dream
And there is no wrong in being bi or gay.....
But you are quite young......I hope you don't take this much seriously
Because I see these types of posts regularly on this site
So I think and i believe this attraction is porn induced
He clearly scores high on HOCD. He had TOCD before. I would even say that he has de-esclalated from TOCD to HOCD, so progress has been made already. As HOCD is less hardcore than TOCD in my opinon.
Well man, what you are going to have to do is to "acknowledge" these thoughts. Simply acknowledge that they are there. These thoughts are there but if they go contrary to who you are then they are an "illness". Like a person with a flu can't just simply 'wish' his flu away, the same way, you can't just simply wish your "HOCD" away. It's there, and it will stay there for a while. Your body and mind have to cure themselves. It will take a while. A few week. Or more probably 70-90 days in many cases.
That's how it is. But there is a certain way out. It's not hopeless. It's not endless.
Acknowledge that these thoughts are there, but also acknowledge that they are not representing you. Like a flu isn't a permanent, natural state of being, HOCD is also not a permanent, natural state of being. It's not healthy, and it's hurting you. that's okay. Acknowledge that. Acknowledge reality.
These thoughts are not part of you. These thoughts are foreign, in that they are caused by a mental dysbalance. Like a flu isn't part of you, HOCD isn't part of you. Don't give in to this illness, don't watch porn, don't fap, and above all, don't panic. Panicking won't change anything. It won't do anything for you, nothing at all. So why bother? No matter how much you are afraid, or cry, or panic, reality is still going to come. And reality is you have intrusive thoughts. You most probably have HOCD. And these thoughts will be there for a while, an illness you have developed due to PMO abuse. But the reality is also that your body can and will heal itself, given the chance. What's going to come by, will come by, no matter your thoughts or feelings on the subject. So why bother being afraid? why bother panicking?
Time is your ally. It's on your side. it will heal you, if you allow it to. Stop obsessing over obsession. I know that you can not ignore intrusive thoughts, but do not allow them to grasp you. do not indulge in them. just let them pass through you, at full speed. Just acknowledge that you had the thought. But also acknowledge that these thoughts stem form an illness, not you. And acknowledge that there will come a time where they are gone.
Focus on things that are important. Focus on things that are productive. Live life with your focus on good things as much as possible. Don't allow this illness to be amplified by focusing on it. You need to start meditation as soon as possible man.