I need help! I'm becoming gay no doubt

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by Dr Kool-Aid, Mar 16, 2019.

  1. wethebest

    wethebest Fapstronaut

    I couldn't read your original post bc you didn't separate it into paragraphs. But I believe people are born gay bi or straight. If you had only heterosexual feelings before porn, you're straight.
  2. Brown Boy

    Brown Boy Fapstronaut

    THEN u r not gay or bi
    so relax
    porn has ruin ur brain
    Go find. "Recovery from sissy porn" And "confused sexualities" group in this Nofap website.
    It will help u to understand better ant ur situation.
    UnyieldingAntiHero and RightLane like this.
  3. Brown Boy

    Brown Boy Fapstronaut

    Wake up early in the morning
    Go for running or workout
    Trust me u will sleep better
    Dont use ur phone atleast 2 hours before going to bed
    stop thinking to much
    u r not gay
    just go no PMO for 90 days atleast and ur brain will rewire itself
    Search "Brain Plasty" on the internet.
  4. Kakarot_2694

    Kakarot_2694 Fapstronaut

    My SO had a wet dream of her being with another chick...quite explicit....and i don't want to trigger you guys going into details...but it happens man...nothing to sweat about...in fact she's one who's not into P one bit...what can you say about that?...so you can never know what hits when...don't freak out...we just laughed it out and went on...so chill...
  5. Xander_

    Xander_ Distinguished Fapstronaut

    Short and simple, relax, you're not gay.

    Dreams 95% of the time are something we cannot control, unless you're having lucid ones. And you did not, therefore you're not gay. Pornography messes up with your mind and makes your vision blurry.

    You yourself said you want to be with a woman, spend time with a woman and create family with a woman. You're not gay. If nothing else, this confusion, shitty feeling after those shitty dreams should be just another reason for you to finally give up porn for good.
  6. Habbapop

    Habbapop Fapstronaut

    So bro you need to calm down. I have had sx with men cous of my Porn and sex addiction. When i was 14 - 15 i stated to watch gay / shemale porn couse i couldn't get hard to regular porn. It's your brain trying to get what it want. For you to go wach porn so you can comfirm that you are not gay or attracted to men. So take it easy and it will be OK.
  7. RightLane

    RightLane Fapstronaut

    A lot of these guys are offering great advice. I think that it would do you some good to spend time away from your computer each day doing them as best you can.

    Maybe write out a list of all the advice you've been giving and try to do at least half. I don't know. Just do something.

    Make sure this doesn't just become you posting problems but never really addressing them.

    You got this. You will win. Fight hard brother.
  8. Judas Johnson

    Judas Johnson Fapstronaut

    No control I meant
    disenchantedbrony likes this.
  9. Joe92

    Joe92 Fapstronaut

    Man, I've been there. The best advice I can give you is to go seek therapy. And I don't mean by that that you are crazy, or that being gay or bi is wrong. I couldn't care less about it.

    Yes, questioning sexuality at 13 is "normal". Being obsessed by it to the point of being afraid to sleep, and post 10 times in a row is not. People on this forum doesn't know shit about you personnaly, they can't see you, they can't see how much it's affecting you and how it may be hard for you to be in that state of mind.

    Go seek a good therapist, talk to him, stop watching porn. You'll be fine. And probably not gay. Dreams don't mean shit man, it proves nothing at all. If I dream that I fly, it doesn't mean I'm an eagle.
    RightLane and UnyieldingAntiHero like this.
  10. The Wrestler

    The Wrestler Fapstronaut

    The number three.
    OCD is thousands.
    Every day.
    Three is normal. All guys, at some point in their life, will wonder if they're gay. It's cool, you're not dying.

    @Jon_Stark , are you a psychologist? Where is your degree in psychiatry? What is your experience with mental health and formal training in the recognition of mental disorders?
    Seriously, what is it with the bs on this forum recently. HOCD? TOCD? Having a thought a couple times does not mean you are on the same level - it's like telling a kid literally dying of starvation and telling him you know how he feels because you skipped lunch twice. You really are missing on the COMPULSIVE nature of obsessive COMPULSIVE disorder, there are things that the people must do, like if you say "four" they have to count back "...five six seven" or something like that. It is a condition going well beyond *A* dream or *an* occurrence to a gaddamn invasive unrelenting horde of thoughts. Here is a video of a girl describing what it is like, I highly encourage that you watch it and that you really try to understand the condition and the debilitating effect is has on people's lives.
    disenchantedbrony likes this.
  11. UnyieldingAntiHero

    UnyieldingAntiHero Fapstronaut

    First off, I never pretended to be a psychiatrist. My major is law and that's what I always went with. But either way, I don't think I owe you any kind of explanation. And anyway, what about you. Are you a psychologist? Where is your degree in psychiatry? What is your experience with mental health and formal training in the recognition of mental disorders? If you are a non-professional that gives his opinion on this forum but criticize me for giving my opinion on this forum as a non-professional then I can only say you are full of it. If you can't even see the hypocrisy and pretentiousness in that then no one can help you.

    The topics of HOCD and TOCD have been discussed a lot on this forum and there's lots of personal experiences with it. Most coming to the same conclusions. Which is what I go with.

    If you didn't know, OCD doesn't always involve behavioural ticks, like counting.
    HOCD is an officially recognized disorder.

    Even famous "your brain on porn" accepts the reality of what is HOCD.

    Also you don't know the first thing about this guy and it's laughable that you would judge him and his circumstances without knowing the first thing about him. I write with him and he is suffering a lot due to it. He doesn't have one bad "dream" or "occurence". he has long, intrusive, very repetitive compulsive thoughts throughout the whole daytime and the dream as an extra was simply too much for him, so he wrote about it here.
    How about you think about your actual motivations writing here? Did you look at what you wrote here? "Your sexuality is changing because you are changing it. You have an agency here." I don't think that that's lege-artis advice.

    To sum this up. You just assumed that this kid has a "shallow" issue and completely dissmissed him while in reality, he has a mental suffering that seriously impairs him in his everyday life. He wants and needs psychological treatment but his parents don't grant him that while being a 13 year old doesn't help with that. He is a normal kid with a normal life but has HOCD which makes him very anxious and troubles him like any other person with an OCD that causes compulsive, intrusive thoughts.

    For reasons of civil discourse and fair-play I did watch the video you linked above. It's quite educational but didn't really tell me anything I wasn't aware of.

    But honestly your argument here doesn't make any sense at all. You wouldn't tell a stage I cancer patient that he 'doesn't really have cancer' because his problems and symptoms aren't as bad as a stage III or IV cancer patient's. That's just not how it works. Even if a moderately depressed person doesn't have as many symptoms or as severe impairment as a severly depressed person doesn't mean that the moderately depressed person 'doesn't have depression'.

    I'd argue that the person in the video has a more severe form of OCD, though she seems to manage good. That doesn't give you the right to make this girl the 'standard' for OCD and everyone with problems, suffering and problems below her's doesn't have OCD or a problem related to it. It doesn't mean you get to dismiss a person's problems or feelings. You can't look into them through the internet. You can't just assume that they have shallow problems by the first thread you probably ever read about them. Teenagers have a hard time by nature. They worry about a lot of things. Their looks, girls, if they like them, school, friends, parents while they haven't learned any way to deal with all that anxiety and problems yet. Since it's the first exposure to these things they ever got. that's probably also why he got into porn and PMO in the first place, as a coping mechanism. Now imagine that 13 year old dude, who has worried about whether the girls like him, if he is cool enough, whatever - now additionally gets to feel all the bad sides of PMO. And on top of that he uncontrollably starts to question himself every few minutes of his waking day whether he is gay or not. He loses the attraction to the girls he once worried about liking him. He starts to compulsively check his own reaction to guys and whether he looks at their bodies in a sexual way. He starts to feel compulsive, intense fear that his body's reaction may not be snychron with his sexuality and mental state/personality aka who he is.

    And then you come swaggering saying he really hasn't a big problem. OCD is much worse and what he has can not be described as OCD, he has full control and so on.

    Look, I am really trying my best here to stay polite and on topic but I honestly don't know if you are for real or trolling around.

    I don't have a problem with you saying your opinion but I have a favour to ask, at least don't confuse him and don't obstruct us from helping him.

    I don't enjoy useless, lengthy discussion about topics that are non-productive and negative in nature. I'd rather help people and raise motivation to overcome issues. I will admit that I am not perfect either, like the issue with the DnD thread. I could have graciously overlooked it and kept my opinion to myself. I do regret wasting mine and everybody's time there. However, here I can't overlook discussions because it's actually about a person's wellbeing I am involved with.

    EDIT: I just saw that you do know about HOCD, but that doesn't change anything about my post.
    Last edited: Mar 19, 2019
  12. Ronila

    Ronila Fapstronaut

    Dreams are dreams, if there is one word to describe them it would be "odd" or "strange". People dream of things they would never do, like murder, rape, violence etc. this does not make them rapists and murderers(unless they are off course).
    Just accept your dreams as something you may not understand, and enjoy your day.
    RightLane likes this.
  13. Dr Kool-Aid

    Dr Kool-Aid Fapstronaut

    Ocd can be purely obsessional or mental when it takes place all in your head and compulsions are completely I've delt with this form of ocd for awhile I'm just noticing it now
    Last edited: Mar 19, 2019
    UnyieldingAntiHero and RightLane like this.
  14. RightLane

    RightLane Fapstronaut

    First off, well done! I can tell that you are making progress. Keep it up brother!

    You can't fight what you don't see. Recognition is the first step in overcoming. You realizing more about your OCD will help drastically in your fight against it. The more I realize why I jerk off or watch porn, the more I can put myself in situations where I will be able to fight better. Also, I'm really proud of you that you recognized you were doing better in your profile post. It was only a little thing, but it made my day. Keep it up brother!
  15. RightLane

    RightLane Fapstronaut


    Chill down bro. If you disagree, just say that. No need to rant and rave about anything. What @Jon_Stark is doing is simply giving his good advice to a kid in pain. That is exactly what anyone in their right mind should do. So don't chew him out for it. If you disagree, just say that, but don't pretend like you need to be a licensed psychologist to give advice to a friend.
  16. Ronila

    Ronila Fapstronaut

    Sadly field of mental disorders is as convoluted as they come, and even psychiatrist uses a questioner to diagnose majority of disorders, when you are, in essence the one doing the diagnosis not the therapist.
    You(individual), hopefully, honestly answer questions and your psychiatrist then looks to see where they fall on established scale and because many drugs used to treat mental disorders are ether pure narcotics or borderline narcotics, psychiatrists job is to be very good at lie detecting to make sure you are honest about your answers. That being pretty much an impossible task, misdiagnosis is extremely common in this field, because as infamous Dr.House said - "People Lie", sometimes intentionally sometimes for reasons only they understand
    Any healthy individual that presents with real or made up problem is very likely to be diagnosed or misdiagnosed with even more than one mental disorder. As bad as it is this is the best we have been able to do.
    My point here is that you can diagnose majority of disorders same way professional psychiatrist can because tools for diagnosis have been standardized in to questions that expose symptoms and have little to do with patients body.
    And no professional intervention is needed as long as symptoms are honestly and fully presented

    Compulsive behaviors are easy to understand when projected on to normal behaviors, we all do them. When we start pushups we for some reason begin to count them, or when we are jogging we closely monitor how long or how far we ran. Why do we do this?
    Yes yes you can explain why I am sure. But if you really look in to the core - it helps motivate us and shapes our behavior in desirable way. We all have plenty of compulsive behaviors, and there is nothing wrong with that. It becomes a disorder when these behavious interfere with normal daily activities and become destructive.
    Now that you know its compulsive will you stop counting your pushups? Nope =)
    In fact counting NOFAP days is compulsive in nature, but it is not destructive to its fine
    UnyieldingAntiHero likes this.
  17. Roady

    Roady Fapstronaut

    @Dr Kool-Aid
    I'm wondering if you don't talk with your parents.
    Talking to your father may be a huge help to process the problems you are facing.
    If your father is not available for some reason, you may consider to seek some professional help.

    At least: you need to talk to somebody in real life.
    That will be a huge help for you to get your night rest back, to process all the inner stuff you are fighting against, and at last, to get rid of your porn addiction.
  18. Ryan Veitch

    Ryan Veitch Fapstronaut

    Calm down, dude.

    Firstly, nothing wrong with being gay.

    Secondly, we all exist on a spectrum. I know it sounds like hippie crap but bisexuality is as old as any human society, documented in cultures as disparate as the pagan Norse, the Celts, the Arabs and the Japanese. More likely, you are mostly straight but occasionally find a guy attractive. Although from what you have posted, it seems to be on a once off thought that has turned into an obsessive compulsive loop because you are worrying so much about it.

    I used to have what you call hocd until I faced it head on and realized that when I checked out good looking men, it's because I wanted to have their shoulders or eyes or clothes myself. Basically, look as good as them. When I check out women, it's definitely not because I wish my body had her boobs or hips. Or because I want to wear a skirt. When I realized that, it broke my fear of hocd.
    Judas Johnson likes this.
  19. RightLane

    RightLane Fapstronaut

    Good idea. Might want to try it.
    Roady likes this.
  20. The Wrestler

    The Wrestler Fapstronaut

    I teach sex ed and mental health.

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