I need help I'm caving on this fast

Guys, I need help.

I'm bored at home, dad's cooking chicken and everything, and I'm trying to do a fast, but I'm so hungry, and so bored, I'm laughing. I'm laughing out of madness. I'm bored to tears just about.

This is a serious problem for me because my weight has gotten so bad, I had to take some drastic action to change it, but not just to lose weight. To break ALL of my bad behavior patterns.

I've come to realize that most of it comes from two things: Boredom, and Loneliness. More specifically, a specific sense of being forsaken by the universe, or God, or something. That's how deep it cuts.

I'm trying to hold out until at least Tuesday night, so I can say I fasted for three days, but all I can think about right now is eating a cheeseburger or some cookies, or a potato salad, or chicken leg meat on some wheat bread with some salad dressing.

If I cave, I'll hate myself for it. If I make it through three days, I can prove to myself that I can be resilient.

I'm thinking of just taking a drive but that's not always a financially sound option.

 

I could be wrong, and more than likely am, but I think when monks fast they go into like hybernation mode. Almost like a sleeping bear in the winter, that way you don't burn calories and want to replace them

So, I'd slow my body down which could be possible for jus 3 days. Don't get out of bed

Only to shower, hydrate and use the facilities.

 

Well it's about more than just exercising and eating healthy. What I am doing is about breaking bad patterns of behavior, which can include eating unhealthy. Patterns of behavior that support and enable each other.

It's about observing, challenging, and dismantling patterns of behavior that I hold that sabotage me, like eating unhealthy, and watching porn.

I am well aware that what I am doing may be stupid, or unnecessary, but it's a stupid thing, that people have done before, and have succeeded at.

 

You know I DO feel pretty miserable by trying not to think about food all the time and having nothing else to fill my time.

 

Okay I caved. At least I made it through 24 hours.

What I notice is that although I feel more lost and depressed, I at least no longer have food cravings and can concentrate on other things.

Before I ate this morning, I had cravings for brownies, cookie dough, dark chocolate morsels and peanuts mix, rye bread with a chicken patty in between, etc. Eventually, it got to the point where eating anything at all would taste wonderful.

Now that I have eaten a big breakfast of soup with two biscuits, a chicken sandwich with wheat bread and salad dressing, an apple, and some coffee, I'm not hungry anymore, and the thought of binge-eating cookie dough or brownies seems unappealing to me now.

I guess I also learned that I can resist the urge to eat and fast for 24 hours, which is basically eating one meal a day. It made me more mindful of things like:

• Food tastes better when you are genuinely hungry, and not eating out of stress, boredom, or depression.
• Overeating, even after fasting for 24 hours of more, is kind of gross.
• My life is missing a lot of things. Not just things that I want, but things that any normal human being should have to be well-balanced and content in life.
• I can't change anything

I think I'm going to stop posting for awhile, but don't hold me to it. I might break that as well. I'll start going to the gym if I can afford it and can tolerate people looking at me there.