I need help trying to get over someone, sexually. Does meditation help?

I don't know about meditation. The only way it's ever been possible for me to get over this kind of situation is distance and time.

If you want to maintain the friendship, I would be honest and tell her what's going on with you. Tell her how you feel about her, that you don't feel good about it and know that it's wrong.

It's likely that she will distance herself for both of your sakes if you tell her. If she doesn't, I would begin to question her motives and yours.

There is such a thing as emotional cheating, where one person in the relationship actively seeks out emotional intimacy with other people because that is missing in their current relationship.

My advice, either tell her and if she doesn't back off, then distance yourself from her. Or just distance yourself.

I know this isn't what you wanted to hear, but these situations are very complicated and can easily turn sour. I speak from experience, I've done this time and time again and, spoiler alert, it never ends well.

Men and women can be friends, but imagine that you are her boyfriend. Would you be comfortable with how close your girlfriend is to this guy?

 

In my experience meditation not only helps, it helps enormously. However you should check out different types of meditation and see what works for you.

On being attracted to someone who is in a relationship, my general advice is - see if you can spend a few days without being in touch, and look at your feelings. Since you are agitated enough about this girl to write about it here, that probably means that while she's okay being platonic, you want something more (also since you mention unrequited love).

I have quite a weapon to deal with unrequited love, since I've been there myself. Here's one version of it:
1. Spend 2 minutes stretching, and another 2 minutes breathing deeply from the belly
2. Watch your breath for 2 minutes
3. Now think about this girl
4. When the sensations arise, of "love" as you see it, for this girl, see if you can stay with the sensations as they arise.
5. When you feel a sense of longing for her, that she should be "yours", so to speak, try to attend to how it feels in your body
6. Ask yourself this question: "Does it have to be this specific person?"
7. Ask yourself this question: "What specific qualities of hers am I attracted to?"
8. Ask yourself this question: "What specific qualities of hers do I dislike?"
9. Ask yourself this question: "Do I deserve someone with all the qualities that I am attracted to, and who also doesn't have her unattractive qualities?"
10. Work with question 9, and see what you feel you deserve. Generally a low self worth will show up as the issue here.
11. After thoroughly working through steps 6 through 10, you should be able to see your own image of yourself in the context of relationships better. Now start to answer the question 9 in a positive way. "I deserve someone who has all her attractive qualities, and someone who doesn't share her unattractive qualities, but who also honors and loves me."

By working with such steps, you can slowly shift your internal mindset about what you want. This is very powerful in realizing that you don't have to have this specific individual. There are better matches for you out there, who will fulfill your idea of a dream woman even better. However you must be able to make the shift from the specific girl, to what qualities you want in a partner.

Hope that helps.
Cheers!

 

Great reply, I don't know about all of the meditation stuff... but as far as raising your standards, kick ass! This is the most counter-intuitive thing about dating and relationships: becoming aware of the qualities that make a woman attractive to you and the unattractive qualities/deal breakers and raising your standards accordingly. When you are aware of your standards, it allows you be more aware of the woman that is in front of you instead of being in your head.

As far as the woman in the relationship. Just don't... it's obvious that you do want a romance. It doesn't have to and shouldn't be with this woman.

 

When I started uni two years ago, I met someone and quickly fell in love with her. We became good friends but never more. A few weeks ago, I confessed to her and had to learn she had met someone a few weeks earlier...
I very, very slowly started to get over her but thoughts of her would often "invade" my mind, making me sad and feel worthless because her new BF must obviously be better than me, right? Battling those thoughts cost me a huge amount of energy.

After I started noFap about two weeks ago, I also started simple meditation. For two times five minutes a day, I will sit down, close my eyes and focus on my breath. When a thought, any thought, enters my mind, I'll acknowledge it but won't "dive into" it. I'll just let it pass. Like a cloud. It will move on and I go back to focusing on my breath.
I only started doing that...I don't know, a bit over a week ago but the impact has been tremendous!
What this technique does is it teaches you not to fight your thoughts and emotions. It's impossible and infinitely exhausting. If I tell you not to think of a pink elephant, what's the first thing you're going to think of? Exactly. Same thing with a crush. If you tell yourself not to think of her, she's going to be constantly on your mind.
But if you practice to just let thoughts pass if you don't want to think about them, thoughts of her will just float by you. It costs less energy and is also healthier for you and your relationship with that person. Try it, I promise it will make you feel a lot better.

One more thing, as a side note: Even though some people might recommend it, don't start off with extremely long sessions of meditation. One might think it's just "sitting there" but meditation actually takes practice. And if you set your goal too high, you will inevitably fail, get discouraged and drop a positive habit. Like I said, I do two sessions of five minutes each, usually one in the morning and one before bed. I find the longest I can currently do in one sitting is about seven to ten minutes. So I would recommend staying below that length for your first few weeks at least.

 

Thanks! By the way I totally agree with distance from the woman in the relationship. Keeping her in your circle just makes things harder.

 

I know exactly what you're talking about man. You see, I had the same experience you're having many years ago. I was friends with a girl one time, and we would all hang out with our other friends as a group. She had a sense that I liked her, but I never told her because I was afraid of rejection. She pursued other guys, while I stood on the sidelines just wanting to tell her how I feel. Nonetheless, we remained friends and are still friends today. In the beginning we were closer, and now she's moved far away. I see her on Facebook and that's it.

Now for the sexual part...For some strange reason I was very attracted to her physically. Of course, that was in the beginning of our friendship, but when she moved away, that was when I started having sexual fantasies. I mean, she's my friend! But still, I had sexual thoughts of her for several years. And when one of our friends died, she was there for the funeral. When I saw her, she looked gorgeous. We even talked here and there. However, when she left to fly home, the sexual fantasies still persisted. Sometimes it could be pretty intense. I couldn't figure out why the hell I was so sexually attracted to my own friend.

I really don't know any advice, but to give it time. That's what worked for me. If however, you're having problems while being her friend and things get awkward or some sort, then ending the friendship is probably what's best. I don't want either of you guys to be hurt, but at the same time, it's for your own sake. I mean, what if she knew about this? But as long as you're not doing anything stupid, you're good. Just control yourself.

As for meditation, I don't see any benefit to it. It will help you get your sexual thoughts off your friend, but you can only do so much. It took me years to get over my friend, and sometimes I would have the lingering effects. In fact, I was happy she moved away; otherwise, I would be in the same situation. Furthermore, think of her as a friend and nothing more. Think of everything that's good about her and keep that in mind. Also keep yourself busy and doing other things to get your mind off of her. The girl I knew as a friend was a sweetheart. She was kind, honest, and caring. So every time I thought of her sexually, I would remind myself of all the good qualities that she possesses.

I know this is a lot, but just be aware that this is normal. As long as you're not disrupting your friendship by being a creep or acting sexually towards her to make her uncomfortable, then you're good. I wouldn't worry too much about it. Even though the girl I knew is still technically friends with me, I never went to the extreme where I would act on my sexually thoughts of her or make her feel uncomfortable. I know better than that. Anyway, just know that it's normal and you should be fine. Good luck with your friendship man.