I need HOCD help

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by MrAlkali, Jun 14, 2020.

  1. MrAlkali

    MrAlkali Fapstronaut

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    So its only been a week of no porn and since last ejaculation and it hasnt been a great week. HOCD is still there and feels very strong. Obviously a week isnt enough but it at least think the HOCD will settle a lot more. It has weakened but still very strong convincing me being gay when i am not. It takes me back to my childhood which i distinctly remember loving girls and their bodies despite never having a girlfriend but i never knew what gay was. It makes me think i might have been gay if i knew what it was but i dont recall ever liking boys or having an interest ever. I remember searching up actresses naked like jenna coleman and billie piper etc. (im a huge doctor who fan). Whenever i scroll through tiktok or watch a youtube video aand see a man i usually feel the urge i want to kiss them or be with them which disgusts me. I know im only 15 but i fear for the future of being gay when i want to be with my girlfriend for as long as possible cause i wouldnt be with a man. I started pmo around 11 and im worried i only liked girls in the last 4-5 years because of masturbating to them even though i searched up these celebrities naked even before i found out what porn was (around 7-8). Could this mean i am gay and in denial or do i need a lot more weeks. How many did it take you guys as individuals and did it ever feel real and convincing. I feel im losing attraction to girls but sometimes its very strong. I keep getting the thoughts of doing anal with a man and sucking and being sucked and i cant tell if i get aroused but it disgusts me and makes me sick. I wouldnt dare. I hope it does go and i can be the guy who loves his GIRLfriend a lot. I want to love girls again
     
    Chris_Cactusblossom likes this.
  2. The only way you're going to know for sure is to take a chance on yourself. This is a classic bogeyman situation. There's noises coming from under the bed, and they're scaring the shit out of you.

    You have to be okay with whatever the outcome is. You have to take the leap and say, "Fuck it, if I'm gay, I'm gay." There are no guarantees what'll happen one way or the other, and that's the point. You have to want the truth no matter what. Nobody can reassure you, because this is between you and your own soul.

    The stress that comes with OCD will shut down your libido, too, so there's no point freaking out about losing attraction to women - when you're under that much psychological stress, you're not going to be attracted to anything - it doesn't mean you're gay. If anything, it's the opposite - you're not feeling attraction towards men, you're having stray thoughts and freaking out about them.

    You have to step into the fear, not keep trying to fight it. It feels like jumping off a cliff, but just do it and you'll be fine.

    In the end, the truth can't hurt you, only living in fear can do that.
     
    ReclaimingMyDestiny likes this.
  3. fedmom

    fedmom Fapstronaut

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    If you feel regret after cumming then it's probably not bisexuality. Please PM me if you need help with it.
     
  4. MrAlkali

    MrAlkali Fapstronaut

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    i guess i felt regret but it was to lesbian porn
     
    Ὀρφεύς likes this.
  5. fedmom

    fedmom Fapstronaut

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    Okay but does the HOCD not give you a feeling of regret immediately afterwards?
     
    Ὀρφεύς likes this.
  6. MrAlkali

    MrAlkali Fapstronaut

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    i guess so yeah. Especially when i feel i am lying to myself and girlfriend
     
  7. MrAlkali

    MrAlkali Fapstronaut

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    I dont get hard of the thought with sex with a man or kissing but when i see pictures of men, especially gay men kissing i feel i like it. COuld this mean i am gay?
     
  8. fedmom

    fedmom Fapstronaut

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    If you don't have any regret afterwards then maybe you are. You might want to try the method in my thread anyways to be certain.
     
  9. MrAlkali

    MrAlkali Fapstronaut

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    but the thought disgusts me. I have had it before and it went soon after but this hit 10 times worse cause I was flatlining and tested with porn to check arousal was still there
     
  10. fedmom

    fedmom Fapstronaut

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    Well if the method does work for this I will be very interested to know. I could be the next Robert Galbraith Heath lol.
     
  11. fedmom

    fedmom Fapstronaut

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    Woah I didn't noice this before for some reason. The op says it is something he's not happy with and I'm sorry to say it but you probably don't have much understanding of the mental damage a paraphilia can cause.
     
  12. MrAlkali

    MrAlkali Fapstronaut

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    surely if i was gay id like the thoughts and feel comfortable and would have always known even though ive always like girls and dreamt about girls from a young age
     
  13. MrAlkali

    MrAlkali Fapstronaut

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    i also dont understand what you mean
     
  14. MrAlkali

    MrAlkali Fapstronaut

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    I dont know if i mentioned. I have a girlfriend who i plan to be with forever, surely if i was gay i wouldnt love her. My thoughts make me think that im her gay best friend even though i dont want that. I dont want to be gay. I dont want to be with men. I just want to be happy with my girlfriend and not have these thoughts
     
  15. fedmom

    fedmom Fapstronaut

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    If you aren't bisexual then it must be a paraphilia. This link describes paraphilias https://labs.la.utexas.edu/mestonlab/?page_id=580
     
  16. @MrAlkali I've commented on your post before dealing with the same issue so I have no words of advice here. It's humorous to see the same panic and worry I went through at your age, but I think you should stop fishing for something you're not going to find - a one and done cure to what you're dealing with.
     
  17. fedmom

    fedmom Fapstronaut

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    And you have a nofap counter in your bio lol.
     
  18. MrAlkali

    MrAlkali Fapstronaut

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    I know it just feels so real and i hate it.
     
    Johnthesavage likes this.
  19. I know he said he's not happy with it. Did you miss the part where I said it sounds like he's not gay?

    And it's a pretty big assumption from one post that I don't understand paraphilia. What makes you think I'm not basing my advice on personal experience?
     
    Johnthesavage likes this.
  20. Ricardotardo

    Ricardotardo Fapstronaut

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    I get your frustration but if you never thought about it before its most likely not your sexuality. I've spoken to gay people before and they tend to know about their differences before puberty. Just try not to give into it and focus on the change. Don't feel frustrated over something you can't control, and I know thats easier said than done.
     

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