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I need hope

Discussion in 'Compulsive Sexual Behavior' started by doctor887, Apr 14, 2020.

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  1. Apr 14, 2020 #1
    doctor887

    doctor887 Fapstronaut

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    I'm gonna keep this short and simple. I'm 16, have pmo'd my entire life, and, obviously, faced the consequences of such actions.

    I have developed fetishes I did not have before porn, such as gay porn and transgender porn, however, I only find myself attracted to feminine looking types. I have always had an attraction for femininity. My first porn video that I can remember was a man being humiliated and tied down by other women, and, in turn, has I believe made me more of the vulnerable and less masculine type. I am trying now to truly make myself more masculine. Physically, I am very masculine; however mentally, I feel quite the opposite. In simpler terms, I feel like a bitch. It's fucking annoying. My HOCD symptoms have died down, however, I still have no clue on what my sexuality truly is. I have loved women my entire life, never had any sort of romantic crush on a man, or even a masculine female for that matter. Vanilla porn used to turn me incredibly, and even now, it does sometimes. However, I have facetime sex often with my girlfriend, and even real sex when I can see her, but neither give me the sexual pleasure and rock hard erections I get from homosexual videos. I have never been gay at all; my entire life. It used to hurt and disgust me after watching it. Now, I feel quite normal. It's frankly as if I've conditioned myself into having some sort of false attraction towards the same sex. I even get turned on by the idea of a guy being feminine. Not me cross dressing, but fucking a cross dresser. It's quite weird to be frank. Sort of disgusting. I'm on day 2 of nofap, my girlfriend is very supportive, and I have no idea whether this'll rid me of the sexual fetishes, depression and anxiety I have. I hope it does truly turn me into a masculine figure. Either way, I'm really just asking, do you guys think I have hope? It's only the past 2/6years of of pmo I have developed weird fetishes. Do you think they'll ever go away and I'll be able to have proper sex without wrectile disfunction if I complete 90+ days on nofap?
     
    doctor887, Apr 14, 2020
    doctor887, Apr 14, 2020
    #1
    roan likes this.
  2. Apr 14, 2020 #2
    Monarch77

    Monarch77 Fapstronaut

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    Honestly you sound like the perfect candidate for Nofap. Porn escalation, and the mental and physical problems that come with it, is probably the number one reason people end up here and yes, staying away from porn will slowly bring you back to your real self, it just takes time and commitment. Now I can't say who your "real self" will end up being without porn messing with your mind, but most likely you'll find you mind returning to how you felt before porn became a part of your life. Also I'd just like to say that no porn can tell you your sexuality, that's something determined completely irl. There are a ton of stories of people strongly identifying as straight and yet find themselves addicted to gay porn, and vice versa too. One has little, if anything, to do with the other.

    And lastly some advice from experience, at your age where your mind is still wiring, you'll do yourself a lifetime of good to stay away from porn for good. I'd suggest 90 days hard mode to start, and once you reach it just never look back. Trust me, as someone who only realized as an adult how much it had messed me up, its much harder to break a habit that was hard-wired into me through my adolescence.
     
    Monarch77, Apr 14, 2020
    Monarch77, Apr 14, 2020
    #2
    dugong89 likes this.
  3. Apr 25, 2020 #3
    LifeChanges213

    LifeChanges213 Fapstronaut

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    https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/5-years-struggle-severe-hocd-transexual-porn.129195/

    This is a very long post, but I highly recommend reading about this man who have suffered for 5 years and once he was able to abstain from it, he was enlightened. The way he is so blunt about it and straight forward.

    Your sexuality is definitely not defined by the genre of porn you watch, but it can be a strong indicator that your brain is completely used to all of the softer kind of porn genres and now it craves for more extreme content. Its like drug users who start off with marijuana, but now only injecting heroin provides the same rush and joy.

    I have myself started looking at some content that made me question myself. However, its all because we crave the "novelty" of extreme content. Don't give up, but trust me and read the forum when you get the chance. It will provide insight and give you motivation to push forward.
     
    LifeChanges213, Apr 25, 2020
    LifeChanges213, Apr 25, 2020
    #3
  4. Apr 27, 2020 #4
    Perashar

    Perashar Fapstronaut

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    Dude you're just suffering from porn escalation. Don't worry you'll find alot of people here who are like you. Porn induced fetishes are nothing new and once you go through the reboot you'll be amazed to see the new man you've become .
    Good Luck brother.
     
    Perashar, Apr 27, 2020
    Perashar, Apr 27, 2020
    #4
    Gmork likes this.

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