I'm gonna keep this short and simple. I'm 16, have pmo'd my entire life, and, obviously, faced the consequences of such actions.
I have developed fetishes I did not have before porn, such as gay porn and transgender porn, however, I only find myself attracted to feminine looking types. I have always had an attraction for femininity. My first porn video that I can remember was a man being humiliated and tied down by other women, and, in turn, has I believe made me more of the vulnerable and less masculine type. I am trying now to truly make myself more masculine. Physically, I am very masculine; however mentally, I feel quite the opposite. In simpler terms, I feel like a bitch. It's fucking annoying. My HOCD symptoms have died down, however, I still have no clue on what my sexuality truly is. I have loved women my entire life, never had any sort of romantic crush on a man, or even a masculine female for that matter. Vanilla porn used to turn me incredibly, and even now, it does sometimes. However, I have facetime sex often with my girlfriend, and even real sex when I can see her, but neither give me the sexual pleasure and rock hard erections I get from homosexual videos. I have never been gay at all; my entire life. It used to hurt and disgust me after watching it. Now, I feel quite normal. It's frankly as if I've conditioned myself into having some sort of false attraction towards the same sex. I even get turned on by the idea of a guy being feminine. Not me cross dressing, but fucking a cross dresser. It's quite weird to be frank. Sort of disgusting. I'm on day 2 of nofap, my girlfriend is very supportive, and I have no idea whether this'll rid me of the sexual fetishes, depression and anxiety I have. I hope it does truly turn me into a masculine figure. Either way, I'm really just asking, do you guys think I have hope? It's only the past 2/6years of of pmo I have developed weird fetishes. Do you think they'll ever go away and I'll be able to have proper sex without wrectile disfunction if I complete 90+ days on nofap?
I have developed fetishes I did not have before porn, such as gay porn and transgender porn, however, I only find myself attracted to feminine looking types. I have always had an attraction for femininity. My first porn video that I can remember was a man being humiliated and tied down by other women, and, in turn, has I believe made me more of the vulnerable and less masculine type. I am trying now to truly make myself more masculine. Physically, I am very masculine; however mentally, I feel quite the opposite. In simpler terms, I feel like a bitch. It's fucking annoying. My HOCD symptoms have died down, however, I still have no clue on what my sexuality truly is. I have loved women my entire life, never had any sort of romantic crush on a man, or even a masculine female for that matter. Vanilla porn used to turn me incredibly, and even now, it does sometimes. However, I have facetime sex often with my girlfriend, and even real sex when I can see her, but neither give me the sexual pleasure and rock hard erections I get from homosexual videos. I have never been gay at all; my entire life. It used to hurt and disgust me after watching it. Now, I feel quite normal. It's frankly as if I've conditioned myself into having some sort of false attraction towards the same sex. I even get turned on by the idea of a guy being feminine. Not me cross dressing, but fucking a cross dresser. It's quite weird to be frank. Sort of disgusting. I'm on day 2 of nofap, my girlfriend is very supportive, and I have no idea whether this'll rid me of the sexual fetishes, depression and anxiety I have. I hope it does truly turn me into a masculine figure. Either way, I'm really just asking, do you guys think I have hope? It's only the past 2/6years of of pmo I have developed weird fetishes. Do you think they'll ever go away and I'll be able to have proper sex without wrectile disfunction if I complete 90+ days on nofap?
