I need serious help. I can't go on like this anymore...

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Belching_Booch, Nov 29, 2020.

  1. Belching_Booch

    Belching_Booch Fapstronaut

    95
    106
    33
    Been on this journey for months now, but have never gotten a streak longer than 13 days. As a former fat and depressed individual, I got very emotionally attached to porn, especially specific Instagram models and videos that were difficult to find. Now I'm in better shape, I look better, lost weight, put on muscle, even talk to random women better than I used to, but there is still one major problem. There is a specific category of video that has been my biggest weakness and I relapse to it every time I come across it. I've been avidly avoiding that category for the past 2-3 months, and even when I relapse I make sure it isn't on that. Once I fall down that rabbit hole, it takes days sometimes weeks for me to crawl out of that dark pit. Anyway, yesterday I broke my one rule and relapsed to that... I'm now super anxious and in a terrible place. I went to work out today and was at the gym for almost three hours. Absolutely went ham and had and incredible workout which kept the thoughts at bay. Now that I'm back home, the thoughts are haunting me again... It's like I'm two different people. When I'm out of the house, I'm energetic and full of life, focusing on self improvement and whatnot, but when I'm home, I'm the deviant that I've been all these years. I need to stop because I've developed PIED and haven't had sex in over three years due to fear of not getting up again. I know if I retain my seed and avoid porn, my dick will eventually get healthier, but this one category has me mentally fucked up. Even now, I'm so tempted to browse it, even though I know it'll kill my gains. Help me.
     
    blacklabel92 likes this.
  2. don'tlookbackinanger

    don'tlookbackinanger Fapstronaut

    267
    266
    63
    relax. if you panic you'll watch more again to cool the stress.


    forget your past relapses, work on not relapsing again.

    another thing i want to tell you is that you should focus more on your good habits. porn is this little dirty part of your life which will get removed as you work on your good habits.


    these days i relapse a LOT. but it doesn't hurt me as much because i've worked so much on my good habits ( health, diet, work) that it isn't as big of a deal to me. i feel you have done good work and i can understand that you don't want to lose it


    that being said, porn is useless and you do not need it
     
    udreamer877 likes this.
  3. I suggest you start really informing yourself about PMO. You NEED to hammer into your skull the damage that you have caused yourself, the possible relationships that you've missed out on, how you've degraded and defiled yourself again and again and again, how you have turned yourself into a perverse monster. I know this sounds mean but you need to be so disgusted and angry when you think about porn that you will never go back. Trust me, the momentary pleasure is NEVER worth the pain and the grief of withdrawal that you will go through. Nofap and abstinence from drugs will turn your life into absolute bliss. Do you want to feel like you are high on life every second of every waking day or do you want to be a slave to your carnal desires? This life you are leading right now, it will not last you. You are young now, you will bounce back. You are not going to want to face yourself when you are 50 and still an addict. The reason you are relapsing is because you still want PMO, you still love it deep down, be honest. You love being a filthy animal and degrading yourself. IT HAS TO END MAN. It's gonna take a long fucking time to get over this so NOW is the time. You have to GO GO GO. Be ruthless, be a fanatic. You either take up this life or you will perish.
     
  4. Belching_Booch

    Belching_Booch Fapstronaut

    95
    106
    33
    Thank you. You are 100% right with everything you said. I'm a junkie. I managed to quit cigarettes and weed after being a 10+ year smoker, but those addictions were a JOKE compared to this deeply rooted problem.
     
  5. blacklabel92

    blacklabel92 Fapstronaut

    603
    1,895
    123

    I can relate friend. I too have specific videos that are my go tos.. I never really had one specific vid that haunted me like its doing to you though.. Sorry to hear your going through that.. But i promise if you really want to shake it, IT WILL HAPPEN. This is your life and you control the outcome, its corny but true. If i were you I'd try blocking access to the site
    or video or have a trustworthy friend do it for you for extra assurance, if that doesn't work, try to develop a daily workout routine and stick to it too keep you busy. If that doesn't work try and eat healthier and focus on nutrition. When we treat our body's well, our minds usually follows suite. If all else fails i have only one piece of advice for you NEVER GIVE UP. Every time you fall into that hole you climb back out, you climb back EVERYTIME. Climb until you stay out.. I promise eventually you'll find that momentum.. Its inevitable, but only if you truly and whole heartedly want to give up this self destructive habit and live a healthier more fulfilling life. Good luck friend!
     
  6. Belching_Booch

    Belching_Booch Fapstronaut

    95
    106
    33
    Appericiate the support brother. I'm already at the gym six days a week, eat clean, and work on numerous projects to keep myself busy... Alas I can only distract myself for so long. Eventually I want to rest, play some video games, and unwind. It's at THAT moment where the inner demons start messing with me. I can't focus on anything. I have a pounding in my chest that just doesn't go away. I am filled with anxiety and stress and depression. I want to be normal. I'm sick of thinking about depraved sexual acts all the time. I just want to be normal.
     
    blacklabel92 likes this.
  7. blacklabel92

    blacklabel92 Fapstronaut

    603
    1,895
    123

    I understand completely. Try and understand that your not alone. Im currently going through the same thing. They have a saying for recovering addicts. "Day by day" tiny steps and mini battles win this war friend. Imo theres no way around urges, like the sick thoughts we think from time to time we have to accept that its apart of us. But we control it, it doesnt control us. Another mantra i like to repeat to myself whenever i feel like relapsing is "reward without risk is death" I've learned that achieving happiness or pleasure with no effort can damage a man and make him have no self control.
     
    Gold Blood likes this.
  8. I can relate man. I was a total fiend, it wasn't pretty. It is so beautiful on the other side, we just have to believe in it.
     
    ALPHAandOMEGA likes this.
  9. Jay559

    Jay559 Fapstronaut

    30
    26
    18
    it gets better brother.

    I am 30 days clean today...


    this lifestyle change is here and I can't go back...

    you got this bro...
    reach out whenever
     
  10. Belching_Booch

    Belching_Booch Fapstronaut

    95
    106
    33
    Thank you! Do you find yourself being less anxious at 30 days clean? I'm having massive anxiety today.
     
  11. Trobone

    Trobone Fapstronaut

    528
    842
    93
    Working out didn't solve your porn desires. It filled some space and maybe increased your self-esteem, but maybe it's time to think more about the underlying motivations that make you like that category. You talk very poorly about yourself, calling yourself a devient, so even though you look better physically, maybe it's time to examine the self-shame and negative self talk that's going on in your head.
     
  12. Belching_Booch

    Belching_Booch Fapstronaut

    95
    106
    33
    I think about depraved sex and fetishes every day... It probably stems from me not getting laid in a while. Every time I talk to a girl, all I think about is getting in her panties. The longer time passes without it, the more depraved my desires become. It's an endless cycle.
     
  13. Trobone

    Trobone Fapstronaut

    528
    842
    93
    So then it seems you agree - there is much more to work on internally than external at this point. Nothing unhealthy about sexual desire, however it's how you respond, react and process it that matters.
     
  14. DreamingOfSundance20

    DreamingOfSundance20 Fapstronaut

    10
    12
    3
    I really needed to hear this. And glad I came across it. Is their anyway possible for us to start a group like a Kik group or what's app?
     
  15. nicestpartsofhell

    nicestpartsofhell Fapstronaut

    17
    19
    3
    You should really not concentrate on not being able to get it up if you spend time with a girl you want to bang. When the time comes there will be several things that stimulate Ole long Johnson. The feel, smell, taste and pheromones will do their job and make it right. And if it doesn't work the way you want you can at least do your due diligence to get her rocks off. At least you'll definitely know you have a real ED issue and then you can decide to see a professional to get the help you need. But you need to be realistic about who you are and keep in mind that it's okay to have those thoughts in general. But surround yourself with family and friends, keep working out, listen to or read books, and keep up the good choices everyday. Cause you know idle hands are the devil's playground.. Muhahaha!
     
  16. Belching_Booch

    Belching_Booch Fapstronaut

    95
    106
    33
    I'd be down to start a whatsapp group. Dm me your info.
     
    Burza56 likes this.
  17. Burza56

    Burza56 Fapstronaut

    6
    1
    3
    Hey man, I would love to join as well.
    I feel you. I have habbit to text some girls when bored or triggered and of course conversation leads to some dirty talk, even though I have a gf. And of course that leads to relapse, and after that I feel like hell. I know it is not the same as for you, but we all have our own hell that we are trying to crawl out off. And if we work on ourselves it will work. The huge thing is self talk. I don't know if you have watched Mark Queppet on YT, he has a UniversalMan community on this topic and his Self Sexual mastery series can really help with many things.

    I see that I can keep myself busy and stay in the living room with my family, but when I go to my room and am alone I feel the urges are coming and that inner voice that needs a hit of some porn. And I have relapsed so many times like that. And I also saw that if I stop talking to one girl, I will start a conversation with another. So now I have blocked and deleted all the apps and contacts that remind me of that. But I also get it that I am trying to avoid some internal things, emotions, discomforts, going out of my comfort zone. But the more I put things into my journal and work on self talk the better I feel and I am trying to be more accountable with myself, because self talk makes me see the emotional side and try to help it, instead of looking at it as "I cant trust myself when I am alone". And trying to keep myself accountable is through workout, eating well, meditating and doing those basic things -for me challenges right now are - training every day in a 30 day challenge and waking up early every day to create a good sleeping habbit.
    I also put a porn blocker on my phone and dont use any dating apps. because first few days are hard and I know I want to check out something there if I feel low on energy or uncofmortable. After, when I improve my self talk I think I will take the blocker off and see how I will act. I also have a plan. I will work on my first 30 days a lot on self talk. During first 2 weeks focusing on reading Reboot Regimen - from Mark Queppet (it has 42 pages), and watch his 16 episodes of SSMS and write down as much as I can and think about what I can implement and work on from there (it has many useful things to take from the series, even if you already watched it once it is good to go through it again). And from 3rd week to 30 days to really work on journal and self talk whenever I feel I have an urge, or some problem.
    Also implement emotional check in around 6 pm to see how I feel, because there is still one part of the day to go through and if something is bad, then when the end of the day comes urges will be strong for sure, because I didn't tend to them.
     
    Last edited: Dec 2, 2020
    hankhoody likes this.
  18. Jay559

    Jay559 Fapstronaut

    30
    26
    18
    best advice i can give bro for our damn anxiety is take turmeric... either tea or ground turmeric... it really helps also i take magnesium supplement so that really helps me hope it does to you also.
     

Share This Page