I grew up in a very strict Christian home. It started with R rated movies as a kid at my cousins house. I’d fast forward to see boobs. I accidentally masturbated and came at probably age 11. I had no idea what it was but it felt good. I found scrambled playboy tv at home and started watching that at age 12. I watched music videos on mtv and masturbated. We also got a PC at home and I quickly found ways to look at porn/nudity, especially celeb porn of my tv crushes. I got a bit older and found a way to secretly rent movies and rented everything I could with nudity in it. I probably masturbated 4-7 times a day through my teens. As much as 12 times in a day a few times. I got a girlfriend in high school (also from a strict family) but I pressured her to go farther and farther with me into physical intimacy. I would lay on her, grab her butt, and sometimes grope and grind on her. I put her hands on my penis. I felt her breast. I stimulated her over her clothes. We never orgasmed or had any actual sex. I constantly pressured and grabbed and touched and was probably abusive in this way. I just never left her alone. In 11th grade while she was away for the summer, a girl came over and came on to me. I did everything with her at the drop of a hat. And more. She gave me oral sex. That was my first real sex experience and I didn’t care about her at all. I continued to masturbate and watch any porn I could get. I went to a strict Christian college. Still masturbated daily at least. Still pressured my gf all the time. During a summer internship I visited a strip club. Got married. Wife caught me lying about porn within 6 months. Strip clubs became an occasional part of my life. I went to seminary but still visited clubs. I received hand jobs and blow jobs there. I turned down coitus many times, thinking that I was sort of being faithful to my wife. Got ordained and became a preacher. Still visiting clubs occasionally and PMOing all the time. Found Asian massage places as an alternative to clubs. Got some hand jobs there. Now I’m more serious than ever about getting help. I’ve never been as honest as I just was in this note. I’m scared to post it even tho it’s “anonymous.” I may post more in replies, but that’s all for now. Thanks for reading. Please pray for me. I’m actually a Christian although I don’t act like it sometimes. I want to be different. I have a wife and kids and a church that I don’t want to destroy.