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I need to be honest about my history and problems

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by DetroitRok, Apr 24, 2019.

  1. I quit a 20-year career in order to get free from PMO. If you truly desire freedom, sacrifices must be made. We often know exactly *what* we need to do -- that part is simple. The doing of it is where it gets difficult. God will guide us and help us do what is right.

    Re-read your post that I quoted. The way forward seems clear, yes? You know the instruction from Jesus in Matthew 5, so I won't belabor the point.

    I am praying for you and cheering you on and available to serve you in any way I can. Your boldness is an encouragement to me. God bless you.
     
  2. Lostneverland

    Lostneverland Fapstronaut

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    Tao Jones you are correct...1000%

    The truth will set you free...and God is with you always...have faith.
    Be brave and courageous DetroitRok
     
    Tao Jones likes this.
  3. Live and Grow7

    Live and Grow7 Fapstronaut

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    You've got my prayers and support too. I know it's not easy when careers and money is involved but God is your source and He always provides.

    I pray for your strength and courage.
     
  4. 1dayattatime

    1dayattatime Fapstronaut

    Gain the world and lose your soul huh? I lived that life for a long time. Do your future self a favor and find a new profession dude. Or just come clean and make the headlines. Your honesty is worth more than a job. Continuing as a leader in the church while hiding your sin is only going to increase your shame. Just my two cents. Take it or leave it. I hope for you. I don't judge you. Ive been there and I am so glad to be real. You don't realize the weight of the lies until they are lifted
     
  5. Healed!

    Healed! Fapstronaut

    I’m in the same position. I have found great help in disclosing to two ministry colleagues. When I did, I discovered they were also struggling with P. We have become accountability partners for each other.
     
  6. Lostneverland

    Lostneverland Fapstronaut

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    Good job..isn’t it amazing what honesty does. I bet you feel like a great burden has been lifted. Right on, way ta go
     
    Butterfly1988 likes this.
  7. Oh I struggle too! And I am a therapist! (And a minister's kid!) I believe it is good to disclose to somebody, but you don't have to tell the world, or your boss, or your parishioners unless and until you wish to. You've probably discovered that there are groups and there are subgroups for those of us that have a lot to lose. It may strengthen your marriage to tell your wife, but that is your call. Sometimes our partners simply cannot absorb the revelation, at least not for some time. Most of the people I know that have sought 12-step support report one of two things: the first is "I'm not at all like those people." But more often they report the second--"Finally I have found those who understand me." This site is like that 12-step group. Sharing the struggle is the first step in healing. (Again, it's your call who you disclose to). I found a book when I was much younger called "The Transparent Self," by a Canadian psychiatrist named Sydney Jourard. His point was that you come to know yourself by disclosing yourself to other people. It's the response of others, sort of like an echo, or a reflection, or sonar--that tells you more clearly who you are. As a therapist, I can't tell you how many times people have said to me something like, "I have never told this to anyone before," or "I have never said this out loud." These are first steps in healing. I know from personal experience the feeling of a burden being lifted by the simple act of disclosing it to someone.

    I am glad we're both here. It gets easier.
     
  8. You sir, sound like the best therapist that I have never met, sadly. Honesty without humiliation, revelation without revile, please continue to post because we need your voice to encourage others to be as gentle, and thoughtful.

    My limited interactions with therapists have shown they understand my symptoms, but they do not understand me. We all want to be understand in the end. Thank you for saying a "tell-all-right-now" strategy is not what it sounds like, nor works the way it's pitched.

    sorry for the story, but it helps explain this perfectly. It reminds me of one time in cancun, I was eating dinner on the beach. The waiters spent 30 minutes digging out a circular trench. Intrigued I watched the waiters bring wood and dump it in the middle of the circle. Then someone brought a purple liquid and threw it on the small fire that they were trying to start. Instantly the fire blazed up, gave off huge amounts of black smoke and then would go out. This happened 4 times. I felt sick as did other guests, because they were throwing gas on a fire. literally. The fumes were causing us pain. Finally another gringo came and helped the locals setup the wood in the shape of a tepee, and showed them to start a big fire, you start small. I had always heard the expression "don't throw gas on fire" but good grief, these guys were literally throwing gas on fire and it hurt the fire. It was good for explosive flames, but terrible at growing the flame.

    Addictions take years to form, they are more like coral reefs, or barnacles on the bottom of our boats; not something you want to imagine or project a quick fix can fix.

    Plus-- we don't really want help in the beginning... i guess the first thing we go for is control of the addiction, more so than conquering the addiction itself.

    Looking forward to more of your posts.
     
  9. Thank you for the kind words. You can probably tell that I am an advocate for deshaming. We are already drowning in it, but it still must be dealt with. I know so many men that can't hear any criticism or admit any wrongdoing on top of the shame they already possess. But listen we must. Change we must. We don't act out because we are bad: we act out because we are human and very limited at times. And yes, sometimes we do act very badly indeed. When we move to disclose ourselves to others we need to brace ourselves for possible reactions. But the disclosure is critical. To Somebody. I like your fire analogy. A fire that will last. That's really good. As I say, I struggle. Look at my counter! I will keep it coming. You too.
     
    hope4healing and need4realchg like this.

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