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I need to know this is normal...

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Midnight00, Nov 10, 2020.

  1. Nov 10, 2020 #1
    Midnight00

    Midnight00 Fapstronaut

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    I have disovered the nofap community about 2-3months ago and have started this journey since then.

    I am going to be honest. I have a cuckold fetish (it sounds fucked and it might contain triggering words). I fantasize about my mum getting fucked by strange men ... like everyone, I started with normal vanilla sex ... but over the years it has gotten really bad (which was the reason why I decided to do something about it). As I was saying, my triggers: my mum (being sexy and fit) being fucked by strange black men while I sit around the corner and being humilitated.

    It sounds absolutely fucked up. I can't help it.

    WHen I start reboot, I just start going crazy. I get weird thoughts in my head of my wanting to find erotica and PMOing to scenes of my mum going to the nightclub and being fucked- while I sit in a corner jerking off.
    --> these are thoughts I never had before and then, before you know it, I just tell myself: "oh it's not a big deal. i'll just see if there are any erotica like this but i won't PMO" and then I search it and then I just convince myslef that I have already edged and so I PMO.

    I don't know what to do. Whenever I see triggers of girls having toned abs- it brings to thought of my fantasy and that triggers me to PMO. Obv after PMO, I feel horrible that I could think of such a thing.

    Is it common for everyone to get these strange new thoughts adding more flare to thier fantasy during nofap? Does it every go away? And what do people do to restrain these thoughts?

    I know this is fucked. Any piece of wisdom is much appreciated
     
    Midnight00, Nov 10, 2020
    Midnight00, Nov 10, 2020
    #1
  2. Nov 10, 2020 #2
    GreenToxic

    GreenToxic Fapstronaut
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    You're in the process of changing your mind and lifestyle for the better, so yeah, it isn't too far-fetched that your thoughts might be a little bit more out of wack than the usual due to you transitioning in this way. For that reason, don't stress yourself out about it too much. If anything, I think it's good because it shows that you're making progress, as long as you don't give into it again. Just take this journey one step at a time and it will eventually pass. Find something new to try, just anything to get your mind off of PMO, that's my biggest piece of advice to you. Just keep yourself very, very busy so there's no time for nonsense.
     
    GreenToxic, Nov 10, 2020
    GreenToxic, Nov 10, 2020
    #2
    Henryforward and Midnight00 like this.
  3. Nov 10, 2020 #3
    an0n8200

    an0n8200 Fapstronaut

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    It’s brave of you to come out and say this. I think it’s down to the taboo of it - the darker the fantasy, the more you crave it
     
    an0n8200, Nov 10, 2020
    an0n8200, Nov 10, 2020
    #3
    GeeJ, Henryforward and Midnight00 like this.
  4. Nov 10, 2020 #4
    Deysonn

    Deysonn Fapstronaut

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    It is good that you know this is not normal. The first thing is really to reboot i.e. go for an extended period without PMO. The recommendation is normally 90 days or more as you need. See how your thoughts seem after that, do you still have this taboo desire.

    If so it may be wise to seek a sexual counselor / therapist. They may be some other issues there than the corruption caused by porn. This is a unique journey for all. Do not be afraid to seek help if you need it. With such a unique disposition I would definitely suggest use of a professional, don't think you would want to share the mom stuff with anyone close.

    Have you watched any videos on how porn impacts the mind? You have a look, there are plenty on youtube.

    Good lock bro!
     
    Deysonn, Nov 10, 2020
    Deysonn, Nov 10, 2020
    #4
    Henryforward and Midnight00 like this.
  5. Nov 10, 2020 #5
    Viking83

    Viking83 Fapstronaut

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    Hey man,

    I identify with your story a lot. I too have cuckold/incest fetishes in porn. I am deeply ashamed of it, because I would not want any of that in real life. I have reflected on it some more in my journal. So check it out if you want.

    The addict in me is also testing the limits of what I can and cannot do. For me not wanting to have to reset my counter was actually helping to stop it from escalating. It is ok to watch sexy videos on youtube, but not to go to a porn site and watch my favourite genres.

    Have you tried to 'transmute' your energy? (for example by exercise)

    Stay strong!
     
    Viking83, Nov 10, 2020
    Viking83, Nov 10, 2020
    #5
    Midnight00 likes this.
  6. Nov 12, 2020 #6
    Midnight00

    Midnight00 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you so much brothers!

    I guess it’s only forward now.
     
    Midnight00, Nov 12, 2020
    Midnight00, Nov 12, 2020
    #6
  7. Nov 12, 2020 #7
    Springjim2000

    Springjim2000 Fapstronaut

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    Well done for sharing. We've all got some pretty f**ked up desires here, amplified by the addictive drug that is P.

    You don't need me to tell you that 'just one peek' or a sly edge is fatal.

    At this stage i agree, get Transmuting that energy - and that means hit that gym or get running!
     
    Springjim2000, Nov 12, 2020
    Springjim2000, Nov 12, 2020
    #7
    Midnight00 likes this.

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