I need to start

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by AdamG94, Apr 29, 2020.

  1. AdamG94

    AdamG94 New Fapstronaut

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    Hey I'm new. I'm 26 years old and pretty much had a problem with masturbation since I started. It became an everyday thing very fast and used to always be to porn.
    I'm able to do it without porn but the ease of access has made me usually go to it.

    I have snuck around to masturbate before. It has affected the sexual life with actual girlfriends. My last relationship the sex was great and I never masturbated early into the relationship, but slowly it creeped back in and actual sex became a rarity which affected the relationship alot.

    Now I've been single 7 months. I now know this needs to stop. I've spoken to one girl I kind of like but am terrified to try to ask her out as I know of my problem with masturbation. I don't even know where to begin to take on this challenge.
     
    Coffee Candy, DudeAlex and | Nico | like this.
  2. PopularLoner

    PopularLoner Fapstronaut

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    Well begin today.

    You know how people say that you should make a pros and cons list? In this case, make a CONS ONLY list. Think of all of the reasons how this is hurting you. Think of how bad it makes you feel after you've done the deed. Think of of the shame, the guilt, the pain, the... emptiness of it all. You didn't just have sex. You didn't just experience a beautiful, intimate moment with another person. It wasn't love. It wasn't connection. It was just an empty release. It improved nothing for anyone. It didn't connect you to someone on a deeper, spiritual level. These are just some of the things that come to my mind. What are some the negatives for you? What are the cons? Make a list of nothing but the cons and build a negative association to it. As for pros, what if the truth is that there are none? Build a lot of cons and any thoughts that you have that there might be any pros can be decimated.

    Good luck on your journey
     
    | Nico | likes this.
  3. Welcome to the community, anything we can assist you with let us know, best of luck on your journey :)
     
    Coffee Candy likes this.
  4. Diderik

    Diderik Fapstronaut
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    A cost-benefit analysis (CBA) helps a ton when trying to grasp the importance of quitting an unwanted behavior. I quit drinking this way. It is included in the SMART Recovery program.

    Use a whole sheet of paper for this.

    Make a square, and then put a dividing line vertically through the middle so that you have left and right halves. Put another dividing line horizontally so that now you have four quarters.

    Now, put a label over the top left: "PROS," and then one over the top right: "CONS." Put a label to the left of the top quadrant: "QUITTING," and a label to the left of the bottom quadrant: "NOT QUITTING."

    Now fill in all the boxes. Into the top left box go all your pro-quitting reasons: why you want to, the benefits, why it will be good. The top right? Drawbacks to quitting. You have reasons; be honest. Bottom left is pros if you do not quit, so it's slightly different from the top right. You will see what I mean when you fill it out. Your answers will be a little different. The bottom right is, you guessed it, all the cons to not quitting, so if you do not quit, all the bad things. Again, this is different from all the good reasons for quitting in the top left quadrant.

    Listing the reason you want to keep fapping makes it easier to figure out what can trigger you, so that you can avoid those things. And you see what your mind is truly doing when you think about PM. Honestly writing out the thoughts that lead to PM can be key to quitting.

    Now it is time for me to do a CBA myself. I just realized I had not done one yet.

    Oh, and you can go back over your CBA later, add to it, redo it, or just remind yourself why you are doing what you are doing.
     
  5. PopularLoner

    PopularLoner Fapstronaut

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    What is CBA?
     
    DudeAlex likes this.
  6. PopularLoner

    PopularLoner Fapstronaut

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    DudeAlex likes this.
  7. Hey, welcome to the NoFap community
    : )

    It's nice to see you here fighting the good fight alongside us!
    First let me go ahead and drop some helpful links for you:
    Getting Started Guide / Forum Rules / How to Use the NoFap forums/ Glossary/ NoFap Panic button/
    Set up your day counter /
    Rebooting Resources/
    Accountability groups (new!)/
    About NoFap/ Support NoFap

    Here is just some advice:
    First and foremost please take a careful look at each section in the forum, there may be something(s) you will find to be of big help to you.

    Secondly I advise you to be active on your profile(as there a few active people in the profile section). Please start by choosing an avatar and then begin posting frequent status posts to show you're active and needing support/encouragement.
    The forum has got a neat little feature that shows freshly posted statuses for all users to see.
    People will find your profile and give you support.

    There’s a portion of people who love communicating in the profile section..(it should be and is )mostly spportive talk but it doesn't hurt to deviate from supportive conversations. It would be great to have you join in and become part of the team!
    We support others in the threads, profile posts, and journals/reboot logs.
    Once you receive some support, please be sure and be grateful to the member for the help/support you received and consider giving some in return to anyone you wish.

    Thirdly, you should highly consider creating a public journal/reboot log (in the appropriate sectionfor you) to write about your days in depth for us members to follow along on your journey and offer support to you on.

    Please start your journal in the correct section and with that, also try your best to post in the correct sections as it is mandatory and would be helpful to the mods who organize the forum. : )

    Last but not least: Good luck on your journey here, make sure to really give it a try with all your heart!
     

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